Once Upon A Time...

Chapter 1

"Warlock, dear, it's almost time for supper! Come inside so you can wash up," a woman dressed in all black walked across an expansive yard to reach the little boy.

"Ok, Nanny!" he began to run full-speed-ahead to his nanny, completely abandoning the conversation he had been having with the gardener. Nonplussed, she stuck an arm out and easily scooped up the small child. A feat that shouldn't have been possible for such a skinny woman as herself, but she did it. Warlock noticed that she did multiple things that others refused to do, it was one of the many wonderful things about her.

"No running in the house, Hellspawn," she said in a serious tone that Warlock would never disobey.

"Ok, Nanny," he responded again as he wiggled in her grasp. She gently set him down. He proceeded to speed-walk away to the house, softly giggling to himself for God knows why.

The nanny shook her head at him, smiling. She was going to follow him, but before she turned around she saw a silly-looking gardener waving at her excitedly yet also shy. She raised her hand and half-heartedly waved back.

She was going to return to the house, she really was. She needed to help Warlock and make sure he didn't make a mess at the sink that was still too tall for him to reach properly. She would have returned to the house... if she hadn't seen the horror that was the garden. The plants were all carefree and complacent, living in harmony with a multitude of creatures that are explicitly garden pests.

She had to go over there. Teach those plants not to smile and frolic with the enemy. If she wasn't allowed to, then they most definitely weren't.

The red-haired woman made her way over to them. It was a miracle she was still graceful while stomping across an uneven field in heels. The plants already began to straighten their stems when they saw her approaching. They shivered under her insidious glare, powerful enough to make any being cower, even from underneath her sunglasses.

"Why hello, dear!" her demeanor instantly changed upon hearing that voice. She quickly went from murderous intent to endless heaps of love. When she saw the plants breathe sighs of relief tried her hardest to keep up a hard appearance.

"Angel. You've been coddling these plantssss," her voice hissed slightly due to her aggressive feelings towards the flora.

"Well, I see no need to shout at them as you do, love. They are growing quite beautifully already, supported by my compliments and encouragements," just hearing the overly kind gardener say those words made her feel it was necessary to shoot the plants a look that told them that they were not, in fact, growing beautifully. "And, truthfully, you are extremely harsh on your 'children,' as you call them," he paused, thinking for a moment. "I don't see why you call them that, you are much kinder to actual human children," he stated, patronizingly.

The woman glared at him. She glared a glare that would've made anyone shake in their boots, but the gardener just smiled at her knowingly. This just made her even more annoyed and closer to losing her fragile composure. She tried extremely hard to keep her blush hidden (the effort wasn't worth it; her cheeks blazed scarlet).

"Shut it," she tried to sound authoritative. "How could you let the garden get to thisss sssstate?"

"Crowley, it's hardly in a state, everything is-" his sentence was interrupted by the black-clad woman grabbing the gardener by his lapels and shoving him against a nearby tree.

"Get those pesssssstsss out of here and show those ungrateful bassstardssss of plantssss who's boss or sssso help me I will," she whispered threateningly, some of her words coming out more like hisses.

The gardener (that BLASTED gardener) just frowned, looking at her lips. "Oh, dearest, your lipstick is smudged, here let me-" he licked his thumb in preparation to wipe away the colouring that had strayed from her lips, but he never got the chance. She released him as quickly as she had grabbed him, taking a few unsteady steps away.

"Aziraphale!!" she croaked out, her gaze firmly planted on the ground, face burning. She looked as though she'd just run a marathon, panting slightly.

The gardener let out a little 'tut' of alarm, "Are you feeling alright? Your voice sounds dreadful and you've gone all red!" he gently took her arm, helping her stand up straight.

She finally looked at him, observing his features. He was entirely genuine, the oblivious wanker! "I'm fine, angel," she sighed.

"I think you'd best get inside, dear, Warlock will be waiting and you might want to sit down for a tick," he looked at her face worriedly.

She sighed again, "Yes, alright," he gave her a pat on the arm and a radiant smile. She returned a much weaker smile. "See you 'round, angel," she said over her shoulder as she walked away, trying to feign composure as though the man she was in love with didn't just almost indirectly kiss her.

~×~

Later that night, after Warlock had brushed his teeth she was sitting beside his bed, absentmindedly turning the pages of a children's book while he put on his pajamas. He was singing a song that she was sure he was making up on the spot, as it featured many lyrics about flatulence. Without really thinking about it she muttered, "The gardener almost killed me today."

Warlock gasped. "Brother Francis?!" he squeaked.

She looked up from the book, not having realized she said that out loud or that Warlock was listening. Instead of denying it (because it was true, wasn't it?) she just nodded solemnly.

Warlock's hand flew to his gaping mouth in shock. "But he's so sweet and kind!!"

"Yes. Well. That's how they get you," she said with a shrug.

"So he's actually evil?!" the boy questioned, sounding surprised, but not perturbed.

"No no no," she corrected with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Quite the opposite, in fact," she looked to the ceiling as though she could actually see the Heavenly Host sneering down at her.

"Oh," now Warlock sounded let down.

"Yeah, he's still a sweet git," she set down the book and stood up to tuck him in. "That's actually how he nearly murdered me," she stated nonchalantly before placing a kiss on his forehead.

"What happened?!" Warlock's interest piqued once more.

"Well..." shit. What was she supposed to say? She panicked. You'd think being a lying sod of a demon would prepare one for making up fanciful stories for children, but apparently not. "He- er..." cough! "My lipstick was smudged and he... he tried to fix it for me," she could feel her face heating up at the memory. "He licked his thumb and was going to rub it clean..." she stopped there, getting flustered.

Warlock's eyes sparkled. "Did he have poison on his thumb? Was he trying to poison you?"

"Er... yes. Yes, he had... he tried to poison me," her face continued to burn.

"Wow..." Warlock sat still for a moment, filled with awe. "Tell me more stories Nanny!"

"Um, perhaps another night. For now, let's read this," she held up the book she had been flipping through.

"Ok!" Warlock said, settling in under the covers, already yawning.

"Once upon a time..."

~!~

There's the first chapter! I feel like this book is really unorganised and doesn't go anywhere but it's pretty cute so I hope you enjoyed it! Please vote and comment if you liked it! And let me know when I should release the next part ;) (I'm kind of impatient so... I might do it by tomorrow XD) Thank you for reading <3