Winning Hurricane

IX- Freudian Dream

"I want to travel. I want to go on adventures.. explore myself, see.. dati sabe ko I want to have a piano lesson, tapos gusto ko din matuto mag-paint pero ni isa sa mga yon wala akong nagawa.." she continued. Tumigil nadin siya sa pagpapa-lobo.

"Sometimes.. I ask myself, pag tumanda ba ako magiging masaya ba ako dahil naging doctor ako o mag-sisisi kasi ang daming bagay na hindi ko nagawa?"

I really don't know what to say. Wala naman kasi akong ibang pinangarap kundi maging doctor lang. Hobby ko ang pag-babasa at wala na.. kaya I don't feel like I'm losing something in my life.. pero there's something missing, hindi ko 'yon itatanggi.

"It depends."

"On?"

"How you'll see your life."

She smiled. "Yeah. Perspective."

I nodded. "Why did you pursue med in the first place?" tanong ko. Of course, I know her reason.. I just want her to remember it again.. nage-gets ko na napapagod na din siya and all she have to do is to remember why she entered this path we are in.

"I love the smell of the hospital." She grinned. Her reason was really weird pero hindi lang naman siya ang nag-iisa na hindi talaga malalim ang dahilan but that keeps us going.

"Ang dami nating sacrifices. Sobrang mag-aral tapos ide degrade lang tayo ng iba no? Sisigawan, ipapahiya. Na parang nakipag-lokohan lang tayo kena pareng Harrison, Schwartz at Robbins."

I just shrugged. "As long as we do our job."

Napatingin si Ansel sa likod ko bago ngumiti ng malawak, "Hurricane!"

I stopped myself from turning my head. Cy told us na hindi uuwi ngayon si Cane sa condo niya.

"Hey,"

"Dito ka tutulog? We have surprise for Ada."

"Yeah. Nag-dinner na kayo?" he sounds so casual.

"Hindi pa! Aantayin namin sila Cy."

Saglit siyang nawala at pumasok sa kwarto. Napatingin ako kay Ansel na nakatingin na sakin.

"Napapanaginipan mo pa din?"

I rolled my eyes na kinatawa niya. Seconds later lumabas nadin si Hurricane. He sat beside me sa floor. Nangingielam sa mga lobo.

"Ang corny," he commented kaya nakatanggap agad siya ng sipa kay Ansel. It's her idea of course tapos masasabihan lang ng corny!

"Aray! Laos na kasi tong mga pa-lobo."

"Kinikilig padin kami sa lobo!"

Bumaling bigla si Cane sakin, his eyes curious. "Kinikilig ka din sa lobo?"

Umiling ako. I will be happy if someone gives me balloon on my birthday pero not to the point na kikiligin.

"See?"

"Syempre si Chandy yan!"

"So? She's still a woman."

Woman.

"Eh hindi naman niya dream ma-surprise ng mga lobo."

Hurricane cleared his throat, nilaro laro niya yong balloon before asking too nonchalantly, "What then?"

"Dream niya mai-date sa yacht! She's such a girl!" then Ansel pinched my cheek na agad kong pinalis.

What's wrong with that? I've seen dad surprising my mom a date on the yacht on their 30th anniversary. I've told Ansel about it at sobrang namangha talaga siya na may dream date pala ako.

"Mahal naman." Hurricane said, shaking his head.

Maka-react naman siya, as-if siya ang makaka-date ko. Tss.

"Salbabida lang kaya ko." Dugtong niya. Sabay silang tumawa ni Ansel at nag-apir.

I cleared my throat bago tumayo at pumasok sa banyo. Shit. My face's burning again!

**

We waited for Cy and Ada. It's almost 11 pm. Kanina pa sila dapat nandito, hindi naman namin ma-contact ang dalawa. Nauna na kaming kumain. Naka-ilang episode nadin kami sa Netflix wala padin sila.

"You think something happened?" I can't help but asked. Ansel already fell sleep on the sofa. Hurricane and I settled on the floor. Both holding a can of beer.

"Maybe. We knew that 'that something' is bound to happen."

I shrugged. Then it's tragic if it happened tonight.

"She will leave him." he sighed.

"He loved her for years..years. What a waste of time," 

He looked at me, his brow arched. "He kind of messed up.."

Nagkibit balikat lang ulit ako, "Was it really wrong, I mean, hindi naman sila.."

"You tolerate it?" 

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not tolerating Cyclone, I'm just.. on his side." 

He just smiled as he sipped on the can again. His eyes now on the television. It is really quite surprising to find peace everytime he's around. Even before. I always have to battle with myself whenever he's near.. because he always felt familiar and relaxing at the same time giving me the taste of waves he brought with him. One that is drowning.

He's a storm yet he can also soothe the loud beating of music inside me which he also caused.

It's alarming.

And maybe that's why I always have to shut him off.

"You want another?" he offered when he noticed my empty can. I just nodded.

He opened one for me, "Wait, wala ka bang klase bukas?"

"Meron."

Agad niyang inilayo yong beer kaya agad kong inabot, "Ngayon lang."

He just sighed before opening another for him. "May problema ka?" he asked, concern in his eyes.

I almost laugh in my mind. Ganon ba talaga ako ka-uptight? Na kapag pinili kong uminom may problema agad?

But maybe I really have a problem.. and that problem has a name..

I glanced at him again. He looked like he's thinking of something deeply and I somehow wanted to ask what's on his mind. Weird.

Ang hirap kapag hindi ka naman masalita pero bigla ka nalang na-curious sa isang tao and you somehow actually want to know.. everything or anything about that person pero ang hirap mag-tanong or i-voice out lahat kasi hindi naman ka naman ganon?

May tama na nga siguro ako ng alak.

But it felt like he's the one intoxicating me at the very moment.

"Ako may problema," then he sardonically smiled at the beer.

I cleared my throat, "What?"

"Ang hirap magka-crush." He said glancing at me.

I suddenly felt uncomfortable but I didn't let him see it. My face remained deadpanned as always.

"Why?" I drank the beer, letting it burned my throat to shift the sudden emotion rushing inside me.

He shrugged, "Hindi ordinaryo crush ko." He simply answered smiling at the can like he's looking at the very girl he claims he has a crush on.

And why the hell I am suddenly tempted to throw away the can he's holding?

I am really doomed. "She must be." I found myself answering.

"Yeah?"

I shrugged, "You're not ordinary too."

Lumawak yong ngiti niya.

"Abnormal ka." I added causing him to laugh out loud. And it sounds wonderful.