The monster within (A Legends of tomorrow fanfic)

20: Fate and destiny: emotional

Sara's PoV.:

I wanted to know how I can get these powers out of me. Arlísen pushed her wing against my skin which sent me flying into a vision this time literally as I landed on my back hitting my head hard on the ground. Holding it I stood up and looked around. I was in the sanctuary but at a different point. There was a table near me with objects on it from my last vision. It all seemed like everything wanted to take me to the point of accepting my power. Even Arlísen seemed to want that. I went there and held my original suit in my hands for a moment. I never really cried after my sister died. Of course, I accepted it and I knew she was happy. So was I but to think I never really said goodbye. The real thing that hit me hard at that time was Rip's death. He sacrificed himself so we could live a little longer. He did something brave but he was family. No matter what he did, he brought us together. He was the one helping us through hard times. He was the father of the team. He taught me everything I knew about being a leader. Tears filled my eyes as I thought through all that. Then there was Snart. I don't say I loved him but I didn't even have the chance to find out. We shared one kiss but it was something I never felt before. In most cases I wouldn't fall for guys, they were just not my thing but Snart was different. And I never got to tell him that. I was thinking about it a lot back when I was in Salem. I never found a guy who was like Snart. He was cold but still caring. Then I met Ava and she reminded me of Snart. That is probably the reason I fell in love with her. By that time I couldn't stop my tears. I didn't have to look at the object to remember every person we lost along the way. Like Martin who died as Rip did. Sacrificing himself for someone else. I never thought that this much tears could come out of me but there was no stopping it. I also lost another person I loved. Oliver. Even though he was never a Legend he was still a friend of mine and I had to deal with his death too. I think that was the point when I gave up on falling in love. Than Nyssa found me and she fell for me. At that point, I wasn't sure I actually fell in love with her or not.

I thought of every single part of my life I haven't dealt with yet. That was the main reason the Loom was in the wrong place with me. I had too many regrets that I could take back with that power. My tears just fell like a river and for a long time, I couldn't stop them. Laurel's words came to mind. She said that if I managed to forgive Damien Darhk I could forgive myself too. Slowly my tears started to stop and I felt the weight of regret being lifted off my shoulders. Laurel was right. I had to forgive myself. Not because of the Loom or anyone else but because of myself. I could take back everything I regretted but than I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't have the best girl in my life and I wouldn't be the leader of a time-traveling group. I did. I could finally let go of regret but I still didn't think I should keep the powers. It might have been my destiny but I like to think we make our fate and not the other way around.
"And you're not wrong" I heard a familiar voice. I looked up from the place I was sitting at and met with a woman. I couldn't see her face as the Sun was behind her but I saw her extended hand. I took it and she helped me up. I finally got I good look at her and forgot to close my mouth because the person standing in front of me was Gideon. "Don't be so surprised," she said to me.
"What are you doing in my vision?" I asked not believing my eyes.
"Helping you," she said. "After all, that is my job Captain" her words were kind and in a way, they calmed me down.
"Help me with what?" I asked following her.
"Finish the journey," she said and led me to a little cottage. She opened the door but didn't go in. "You had a chance to talk to Laurel but if you want to talk to anyone else who died close to you go in there." With this, she disappeared.

The whole thing started to feel like some movie but I decided to go in and see what she meant. I stepped inside and the door closed behind me. I stepped inside the first room that was on my left and met with Snart.
"Hello Sara," he said when I stepped in. "Long time" he was sitting in his Captain Cold outfit which I thought was really good-looking though sometimes I didn't understand how he could wear it.
"Hey, Snart," I said to him sitting down on a chair. "Is this a dream?" I asked him.
"Dead, not god" he answered on that usual Snart tone that I always thought was nice to hear. "I don't know."
"Sorry. This is just getting more and more ridiculous. You wouldn't believe how many things changed since you left." I told him. "We miss you," I said.
"Cute" Snart reacted with a smile
"He didn't change at all," another voice said from the door. It was Rip. Cool-girl aside I ran to him and hugged him.
"We miss you too Rip," I told him. Soon everyone came in who died from the Legends along with Ollie.
"I'm sorry," I told Snart. "I should have found a way to save you too"
"Sara, I decided to blow myself up not you. Was I a fool? Definitely. Was it worth it? Certainly," Snart answered. After that, I told everyone what I didn't get to tell them before they died.
"Martin, I saw your grandson. He is smart just like you" I told Martin. "Rip, I never told you but you were like a second father to me. I learned how to lead the team from you. Ollie, you were the last thing keeping me in the present. I'm glad I could be a part of your lives" I said looking around the room. It felt so good to see them again. They all came and hugged me together. They were my family. Then I looked up and saw Snart still sitting. I broke away from the team of huggers and went to him.
"I know you didn't want to die a hero, but you were my hero," I told him.
"Well, I doomed that vision when I joined up with you idiots" He replied. It was so Snart that all I could do was chuckle. Then a thought crossed my mind.
"Do you think my girlfriend would mind if a dead man stole a kiss from me?" I asked Snart with a cheeky smile on my face. I knew how he had a crush on me or at least wanted to kiss me. He looked at me surprised so I did what I had on my mind. I leaned forward and kissed him not caring about our company. At first, Snart was surprised but then he returned the kiss. When we broke apart Rip looked at us surprised.
"What the bloody hell did I miss?" Rip asked still seemingly not believing his eyes.
"A lot Captain. A lot," Snart replied right before Laurel appeared in the room.
"We have to go, Sara," she said and I stood up.
"Goodbye," I turned to the group than back to Snart. "Bye Snart," I said
"Bye Sara" he replied and I left the room following my sister.