So Many Shades of Wrong

Shade 9

I feel dirty walking into my apartment. Also extremely confused. What I gather from what's happened the past few days is that I got a job promotion, met with a great designer, was asked to model, declined, got fired, and then was asked to sell my designs, but refused and got kissed by my best friends kind of boyfriend. I open my bedroom door and slam myself on the bed. I sigh and feel like screaming, but I'm stopped by a loud crash from the kitchen like something broke.

"Oh fuck," I hear Ana say softly. I get out of bed and look out my door. Ana is wearing a large shirt and no pants and cleaning up something, I assume a glass, from the floor.

"Everything alright?" I ask. She nods slightly cleaning up the glass and putting it in the trash can. "You look tired," I say simply.

"I am. I had a rough night," she says lightly. She not looking at me. She's not really looking at anything just kind of zoning out in her own head.

"You seem distracted," I say leaning on my doorframe. She shakes her head and pours a cup of coffee.

"Just forget it," she says quickly putting the cup down and going into our bedroom. I start realize there a boxes everywhere. I raise my eyebrows, have I just been blind or stupid? I go into the room and she's putting some clothes in a box.

"Whatcha doing?" I ask her. She doesn't really respond and just sort of shrugs. "Hello?" I ask more aggressively.

"I'm moving out," she says simply. I furrow my eyebrows.

"Huh?" I question. What is happening to my life? I start shaking my head. "No, no no, no, I can't afford this place without you."

"We don't fit in it Lily," she says finally looking at me. "We share a damn room at 22," she adds.

"Well then we can rearrange. I can sleep on the couch. I'll go back to bartending at night. Just please don't move out."

"Lily, I'm hardly here anyway. I'm usually at Christian's or school. I just want a place just for me. More private in case we have people over," she states. "I mean, remember when you were dating that guy and I walked in on you two about to have sex?" I nod slightly. "That shouldn't happen."

"Okay you have a point, but what if we just upgraded the place?" I ask her. She bites her lip a bit like she isn't telling me something. "This isn't just a "no plan" kind of move out is it?" I ask her. She shakes her head.

"I got a place in Christian's building. It's closer to my new job and my friends, and of course Christian."

"Ana you've only been dating this guy for what? A couple of weeks and you already are moving closer to him?"

"Well I don't think he wants me to move in just yet so I found this for a decent price," she says shyly.

"Ana you can't just pack up and leave. We have a lease."

"I'm not breaking it. I'll still pay rent," she says.

"For two places? Yeah right you don't make that much money." She's silent for a moment and not looking at me. "You aren't gonna pay for the new place are you?"

"Christian said that-

"Do you not do anything for yourself anymore? What happen to your fucking independence Ana! I feel like since you've started being with Christian you've been distant and just quarantined yourself to him."

"Don't yell at me because I found someone that actually cares about me!" I roll my eyes knowing I just made out with him not that long ago. I then remember the elevator and how Christian tried to be in control. Since I've known Ana she's been independent, which is why she's never had a relationship. I couldn't imagine her being into Christian dominant attitude.

"Ana why are you actually running away?" I ask knowing she's running from something. She sighs and bites her lip a little.

"I did something bad, but also good. But mostly bad."

"You can tell me," I say lifting her head up to look at me.

"I kissed Jose," she says. I raise my eyebrows. "It wasn't long before I stopped it, but I wanted more. Since being with Christian I've just wanted more. He opened a door and, do I really want him to be the only man I ever make love with?"

"Okay no one ever makes love Ana, that's a school girl way of thinking. People fuck, and I'm guessing," I stop as she suddenly looks like she's mad. I give her a confused look. "Did I say something?"

"Who told you that?"

"Told me what?"

"You just," Ana sighs and looks down. "You are much prettier it would make sense." I look at her more confused. I think she picks up on it and wipes a tear from her face. I've clearly upset her somehow. "Did you fuck Christian?" She asks stating intensely at me. I widen my eyes and laugh a little.

"Ana are you kidding?" I ask. I'm sort of lying. I mean I can see it getting there but I'd never do that to her. The elevator was a mistake that I will take to my grave and hopefully so does Christian. "I would never do anything like that with Christian. Ever. He is crazy about you. Plus I don't even work with him anymore so I will probably never see him unless he goes out with us," I explain. She wipes her face again and seems to calm down. She nods.

"I'm sorry. You are right. We should talk more about me moving out," she says. "I'm just impulsive cause of what happened with Jose and I haven't heard from Christian," she explains. I nod in understanding as her phone lights up. Christian is texting her. Like clock work. She picks it up and smiles. "Taylor is waiting for me. I'm going to Christian's," she says with a smile.

"Go, I'll find some stuff to do," I say. She nods and grips my wrist in a hug type and rushes out the door.