That's for... everything else

The 'M' Word

Dad started pulling me towards the front of the hall but I tried to resist. But Stoick the Vast is one of the biggest and strongest and most stubborn men I know so I ended up standing in front of all these girls.

"Right let's start!" Stoicks voice boomed through the whole room.

I swallowed hard and stroked Toothless' head to calm down. Uuuuuhg I'm gonna kill you later dad. This is just humiliating. Oh Thor just kill me now.

"Please everyone make a line!"

The women all moved to make a line each struggling to be the first. After a while the room settled and the first person came up.

"Hi I'm Hilda! I love to walk on the beach and watch the sunset. I'm an amazing cook and would loooooove to have children of my own. I love to sing and enjoy walks with my pet yak!"

Hilda was a short and stout woman who was in her late twenties. You could tell she was a good fighter by the way she was casually twirling her axe while animatedly telling me about herself.

I turned to look at dad and he gave me a hopeful and excited smile: "Huuuuuh, huh, what you think? She seems lovely."

"Dad, umm, no offense, but... Noooooooooo!" I said while backing away.

Stoick frowned and then shouted: "Next!"

"Uh, we heard we're getting free yak chops if he chooses to marry me?" A rough voice said.

I whipped my head up once I recognized that voice: "Ruffnut? Seriously?! Oh c'mon! Not you too!"

"Au contraire, my dear Hiccup" Tuffnut said who was standing beside her. "you have my blessing to take my sister IF... We get the yak chops we were promised."

"I mean if you marry me you'll have to have me AND Tuffnut. We're a package deal, ya know?" Ruffnut said matter of factly.

"That means FREE YAK CHOPS FOR ETERNITY! And... Uh... A boar pit outside our new three-story mansion! Yeah yeah... And a never ending supply of Monstrous Nightmare gel!" Tuffnut rambled.

"Gel? We didn't agree on that. But great idea" Ruffnut said excitedly clapping her hands.

"Yeah just thought about it now" Tuffnut started: "Just proves that I'm the smarter of the both of us! If it weren't for me we would only have yak chops and a huge boar pit  next to our new built mansion when you get married but since, ya know, I'm a genius, we ALSO GET A FREE SUPPLY OF DESTRUCTIVE GELLLLL! I already thought about some things we can do with the gel-"

"ENOUGH!" I interrupted Tuff: "First of all, you guys are never getting the gel ever again since that incident last year and I'm not gonna marry you Ruff!"

"That's the thing Hiccy, I'm giving you Ruff. It's a win win for all of us if that's what you're worrying about. Me and Ruff get all the stuff you promised, you get to spend the rest of your life with the woman you looove," Tuff said dramatically, "And I don't have to spend so much time with... Her."

"Hey!" Ruffnut shouted and punched him.

"Hey, don't take it personally. It's not my fault your breath smells like fish!"

"I'm allergic to fish, that doesn't make sense!"

"YOU don't make sense!"

"..."

"Okay that didn't come out right... Hehehe. Let me rephrase that to make it make sense... I'LL BITE YOUR FACE OFF BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!"

All of Hel broke loose when Ruff punched Tuff in the face after saying that. We are vikings so, naturally, everyone in the room started attacking and punching each other. I could tell dad wanted to join but decided not to since the room was full of ladies.

I took the chance to sneak out while everyone was distracted. I walked along the wall towards the door, dodging fists and, shockingly, an axe. I stepped over Hilda who was knocked unconscious on the floor. Or so I thought. Hilda grabbed my leg and pulled me down to her, hugging me tightly.

"No offense but uhh... I don't think you understand the meaning of the word 'next'," I said trying to get air.

Someone charged towards us and luckily I dodged and the fist landed smack-bam in Hilda's face. She fell unconscious (hopefully for real now) and I managed to escape from her tight embrace.

I quickly ran to the door and stumbled out of the hall.

"Thank Thor" I said sighing.

"Hey"

"Gaaah!" I screamed at the voice next to me: "Snotlout, what the Hel?"

"I heard you had some lady problems" He said with his cocky smirk.

"Not now Snotlout, I just escaped an angry horde of females and Tuff. Not in the mood" I said walking away.

"No, no I get it. Not everyone is good with the ladies like myself. It's a gift that only I possess."

"Uh huh," I grunted.

"Lucky for you, I can teach you. It may take some months to perfect the ways of the Snot, but I'm up for the challenge." He looked me up and down: "Or maybe some years. But that's not the point. So, first you gotta learn to embrace the ladies. Love the ladies. Cherish the ladies."

"Yup, I'm embracing and lovin those girls tearing each other apart in the Hall right now..."

"Oh Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup. When will you learn to choose the right woman. Not just some random Berkian. Someone exotic! Like Heather" He said when he saw Heather in the distance flying on Windshear.

"So what you're saying is that I should-"

"Don't even think about it, Hiccup! She's mine. She's the future Mrs Lout! Back off! You can't have everything!" Snotlout said and stalked away towards Heather.

"Thought mood swings are supposed to be in your young teenage years" I said raising an eyebrow.

"I heard that!" Snotlout shouted back: "And I thought I would be the rightful heir to the chief throne. Yet here we are!"

"Oh boy-" I started to say.

"Snotlout Snotlout, oi oi oi!"

Well, its better not to argue with Snotlout. He's too pigheaded.

I looked around the village trying to find Fishlegs. He's the only sane person around here.

I wasn't looking for long when Fishlegs ran towards me as fast as his short legs could.

"Hiccup! I received a T-mail from the Defenders of the Wing. Apparently Queen Mala and a few others saw a blinding flash of light in one part of their forest. They are not sure what it is but they asked for backup just in case its nothing good," Fishlegs said between gasps for air.

I sighed. Seem to be sighing a lot today. Uhg, why today?! I just wanted a calm day.

"Alright call the rest of the gang and ask maybe one or two from the A-team. We leave in half an hour."

~AN~

So what ya guys think? Opinions are welcome;) Sorry to those what?, 4 people?, That are reading this, updates are coming in slowly *dodges axes* because of lack of inspiration:)
So if you read my fanfic its full of INSPIRATION. Not because I have to to keep people happy.

Ciao!

~May the odds be ever in your favour~