Scars

Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl

"Okay Alice, honest opinion," Quentin said, grabbing another fistful of popcorn, "Do I get a goldfish? And if so how many?"

"Why are we bringing this up?" Alice said transfixed the movie, taking another sip of wine out the bottle. "We're literally watching Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl ."

"Yeah why are we watching it? You always cry."

"I think you mean we always cry and you know it's my favorite." She said, popping a piece of popcorn. Quentin threw one at her and she snorted.

"Alice! Laughing as she dies from cancer. Shame."

"Fuck you!" She said, still laughing and a little drunk, "And it's a hypothetical cancer. Doesn't count. What were we talking about?"

"Goldfish."

"Ah yes, the nuisance of the animal kingdom. Not a knock on your responsibility but they kinda seem like a lot of work for nothing."

"Well..."

"You already got some didn't you."

"Oh course I already got them now I'm addicted to decorating the fucking tank!"

Alice rolled over laughing to his side of the bed, knocking the laptop sideways. As she started mocking him with puffed cheeks and fish lips he felt the strangest fondness for her. It was something usually reserved for Julia as he later placed it, and it was something he didn't enjoy being encroached upon.

"So Alice, what are you doing after this?"

"I'm supposed to meet up with Penny but I think I'm going to blow him off, I'm not really feeling him right now."

"Oh?"

"It's not like he's doing anything wrong, it's just... God this is fucking embrassing."

"What?"

Alice sheepishly grabbed a pillow and pulled it up to cover her face. "Jesus, he can't get me off to save his life."

"Well thats.."

"Quentin I can see how red you're getting." Alice laughed. "It's not like a dealbreaker I guess cause he really does care. He's a much better.. Uh.."

"Boyfriend?"

"Wouldn't go that far" Alice said, "But yeah, boyfriend than like.. Fuckbuddy."

"Okay." Quentin said slowly, "I mean if you're not having fun why do you let him do it? Isn't that what you've been telling me this whole time?"

"Jesus of course you'd be the one to point out my hypocrisy." Alice said under her breath. Q frowned and she added, "That came out harsher than I meant, I'm just annoyed you might be right."

"So you're gonna break up with him?"

"God no, I like him, like a lot. Maybe I just need more time."

"Have you considered like.. Not? Having sex?"

"No like.. This sounds bad, but I think I need sex in a relationship for it to work, even with whatever the fuck me and Penny are."

"Okay, I get that. Or like, I guess I understand that."

"I mean you don't have too." Alice said rolling back over so she faced the ceiling. "Some people are ace or aro or whatever."

"Ace?"

"Some people just don't feel sexual attraction, I thought I was like that for awhile. Just the though of fucking lying there and letting some guy have his way with you? That's like a whole other thing though."

"You think I am? Ace or whatever?" Quentin said lying back next to her in the bed.

"Honestly no. Why did you try again?"

"No, or, I don't know. Is it bad if I don't even want to initiate it? Still? I just don't think I could ever straight up do that." Quentin said, now glancing over at Alice's profile.

"Trust me, it's the one thing I want to do." She said rolling her eyes. "Jesus I just want to ask for what I want and not feel guilty for it."

"Or be afraid of how they'll react.."

"God why are you the only one to get me?"

"Cause I make you popcorn?" Quentin said, throwing another piece at her to break the tension.

"Real talk wants me to drop some hints to Eliot? If you need a push I will gladly lend a hand if it gets either of us laid."

"Yeah I'm not sure how emotionally mature that is." Quentin said sarcastically. "Also aren't we both drunk?"

"Yes, because drinking wine makes us feel like real grown-ups!" Alice said, making a dramatic fist in the air.

"Thank God Eliot has the good shit."

"A-fucking men. My parents made their own by squashing the grapes with their feet."

"Gross." Quentin said wrinkling his nose, "But we both know this shit hardly gets me drunk anyways."

Alice gave a tight smile, and Quentin play tackled her again. This was not this was not the time to bring up some of his slip-ups in the past, most of which she knew way more about that Eliot or Margo. They knew the basics, sure, Q's boyfriend had been into some illegal shit, and he used pills when they lived together. Alice knew more about the psych wards, Julia knew all the gory details of how he overdosed on stolen prescription drugs. It was something he didn't like to talk about, or see it in other people.

At the end of the movie about cancer, the girl dies, shocker. Her best friend is attending her funeral and wanders around her room, and realizes how many things about her he missed, or wasn't around for. It made Quentin think about his friends, and how he might not get to know them until it's too late.

"Alice, I think if things aren't good with Penny you should tell him. You put so much of yourself into taking care of me, just go take whats yours, or what you want."

"What about you?" She said wiping away a runnaway tear, that ending always did make her cry.

"I'm getting you or Margo to do my dirty work, but yeah."

"Okay." She said softly, grabbing his hand for a second. There was a beat of silence before she composed herself. "Promise you'll tell me everything?"

"Yeah, I will."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"I still think I'm gonna get more goldfish."

"Of course you are." She sighed, but couldn't hide he smile that crept up her lips.