The Wedding In Miami

I don't want it

"We love each other, Nick," I said softly.

"Yeah, but we're not together. I want you to be my girlfriend, I want to see a clearer future with you, Emma," he sighed.

"A future?" I asked, dumbfounded.

Did he think of all that? "You don't see a future for us?" he stepped back, hurt flashing across his eyes.

"I haven't thought about it," I lied. Of course, I've thought about it, but if I tell him that then he won't understand why I'm saying no.

"Wow," he scoffed, "Well then, I guess we're not doing what I thought we were, what I was hoping we were," he said while beginning to walk to my door.

"Nick," I grabbed his hand.

"I'm not gonna wait for you to realize we're meant to be when I already know it. I don't deserve that," he pulled his hand out of mine. He's right, he doesn't deserve that.

"Nick, wait," I pleaded.

"For what? For you to break my heart? If we're not together, Emma, then I don't want it."

I went and stood in front of him, blocking his way. "I do. I want it," I said quickly.

"No, you don't. If you did, then you would have said yes just now," he shook his head.

"Nick, please just try to understand. Ask me this when we get home, please. Don't do this right now," I stepped closer to him.

"There's no right time for this, Emma. We've already been through this, we know each other inside out, what do you need more time for? To know me? To figure it out? You said you loved me, why would you say that if you don't even want to be my girlfriend?" he questioned.

"Nick, I do want to be your girlfriend, just not right now. Not here. Not in Miami. Not at this wedding. Please, just wait till we get home, just wait for the weekend," I begged.

"What could possibly change within five days?" he scoffed.

"A lot," I answered.

"Is this about you not trusting me enough? I thought we'd be past that by now," he groaned.

"I do trust you, I just don't trust Rachel," I blurted out, instantly regretting it.

"Rachel?" he asked in confusion.

"Nick, there's no way she's not coming to the wedding, we both know that. Liam clearly likes her, he will bring her. I don't want to be your girlfriend when she's there right now." It is so hard to explain my thought process right now since I'm on the verge of crying.

"What does she have anything to do with us?" he questioned.

"A lot, Nick. For the longest time, I thought I lost you to her. I thought she was better than me, and I've just started convincing myself that I am enough for you. I can't do that with her there, not yet," I huffed, "I can't do that while she flirts with you right in front of my eyes," I mumbled.

"We won't let her," he shrugged.

"It's not that easy, Nick," I sighed, "You can't control someone else's actions."

It's true. There's nothing either of us can do about her flirting with Nick. He's already told her to stop but she doesn't listen. And I know it doesn't bother him, but it bothers me. If it was literally any other girl, I'd be laughing it off with Nick, but this is Rachel. This is who I convinced myself is the girl that's better than me.

"Emma," he sighed.

"Nick, please?" I begged.

He stayed silent and fell into thought before slowly shaking his head. "I'm not gonna wait for you, I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You can't wait for me? It's just five days, Nick," I sighed. He shook his head. "Now or never?" I asked and he nodded in response. I turned my back to him, hiding the tears that slipped out. I wiped them away and took a deep breath. "Fine, okay," I turned to him, "I'm sorry Nick, but I can't be your girlfriend," I answered, "Last time I was, it broke me too much."

Sobbing. I spent the rest of that night sobbing. He just walked out after that and left me there to myself, which I don't blame him for doing, I know I hurt him by saying no, but he hurt me too. He could have just waited. It's just five days. I'm not ready to face Rachel as Nick's girlfriend again. I wanted to face her as myself first, but he can't wait for me to do that. And I told him to leave when he can't wait anymore, which is exactly what he did, so I really can't blame him now, can I?

I woke up the next morning, my head throbbing, my eyes stinging, my lips dry, my face puffy, my nose stuffed. I guess it's a good thing we aren't going anywhere today, I can spend it here, crying more.

-----<3-----

The phone rang, waking me up from my third nap of today.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice hoarse, brittle, and broken.

"Emma? Are you okay?" Zoey asked.

"Yeah, just woke up, what's up?" I cleared my throat, trying to sound normal.

"You took a nap? You never take naps. Anyway, dinner is in two hours so I just wanted to remind you to get ready," she said.

"Right, yeah, okay. I'll start getting ready, thanks for reminding me," I said while sitting up, staring at the balls of used tissues that held my tears which were surrounding me.

"Sure, see you later," she said before hanging up.

I stood up and dragged myself to the bathroom and stared at myself, groaning and facepalming.

"Fucking hell, Emma. Get it together. Get your shit together."

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Chapter thirty-five

Don't hate me.