Habit ( Lashton Fanfic)

Chapter 2

This chapter may be triggering! Self Harm in this chapter, along with other depressive thoughts!

"I always said that I'd mess up eventually
I told you that, so what did you expect from me?
It shouldn't come as no surprise anymore"

Ashton's POV:

My eyes fluttered open.

I looked around the room that I was in.

It was my room. I was laying down in my bed.

I assumed that Luke just carried me to my room when he went to bed.

I checked my phone. . . 9:00 am.

I decided to go on Twitter for a little bit.

I opened the app on my phone.

I smiled seeing all the nice comments on my recent tweet.

Then something caught my eye.

1haylee227 : @Ashton5SOS why are you even in the band? You're so useless

My smile quickly dropped. My lips replaced the smile with a frown.

I know I'm the least talented in the band.

_Kaylee445_ : @Ashton5SOS you're such a pig. No wonder you're single. #fatty

Silent warm tears escaped my eyes.

I placed my hand over my stomach.

I am fat.

I kept reading. It can't get worse can it?

yennny5454 : @Ashton5SOS why are you still here? Why didn't you cut deeper? I hope you die

A waterfall of tears fell down from my eyes. I made sure to not make noise. I didn't want the boys to worry about a untalented, depressed pig.

I ran to the closest bathroom to clean myself up.

I opened the drawer to get the tissues.

Something caught my eye...

A metal something...

A razor.

I picked up the razor up in my left hand.

"why didn't you cut deeper?"

I popped out the blade of the razor.

I slid down the wall with the shiny silver blade in my hand.

I can't. I can't. I can't let them down. I can't let Luke down.

You can't let them down if they don't know. The voice in my head said. Cut Ashton, Cut. You deserve it.

"no, no, no, no. please stop.." I quietly whimpered.

You deserve it! Luke will never love such a pig. Anyway. Even if he did, you're gay. No one likes gays. He'd hate you and think you're disgusting if he knew you liked him. You HAVE to cut. It's the only thing that you deserve. Even the fans want you to cut! Listen to them, CUT!

I let the voices win.

I slid the blade across my right wrist.

I deserved this.

Weirdly, the pain felt good. No not good, Great.

I missed this.

15 cuts later and I decided to clean up, just in case the boys start to wonder where I am.

I put my wrists under the faucet letting the cold water wash away the blood on my wrists.

I watched the blood go down the drain, with an emotionless expression.

I dabbed a dry cloth over my cuts, then hid the towel.

I stood, staring a the mirror for a straight minute.

I turned the knob of the bathroom door to open the door.

I stepped out then walked down the stairs.

Before I reached the kitchen, I plastered a fake smile onto my face. 1