But I love her

27~ october 29 pt.1

I opened my eyes and no one was there. I looked around my room again. This time I saw the figure by my closet. "Mom? No it can't be"

"Did you like your quilt?" Her voice wasn't distant this time but it still was the sweet sound of my mom's voice.

"I loved it"

"I'm sorry I didn't get to finish it. I wish I could've given it to you"

"It's not your fault momma" I felt tears roll down my face.

"Oh baby don't cry" she sat by my side and held me close. There was a moment of comfortable silence, us enjoying each other's presence.

"Your girlfriend is a cute one, keep her. I knew y'all would get together since the day you brought her home."

"Momma" I whined. Her melodic laugh filled my ears and I smiled. "I miss you mamma"

"Me too baby me too. Just remember me and I'll always be with you. I'm here watching over you and I'm so proud of the man you're becoming. Go back to sleep now and wake up into reality. I love you my beautiful baby boy"

I fell asleep instantly and woke up just as fast. I looked around the room and she wasn't there. I was back in reality but I could feel the presence of my mom. "I love you to momma" I whispered.
***
"Were here today to celebrate the wonderful life of Lori Dunlap. Lori was one of my oldest friends. She was always the one to put a smile on my face. She brought joy into others' lives. She loves to paint and her paintings inspired others and brought them happiness. Lori loved her family more than anything. She had a beautiful baby boy and a great husband. Let's hear a few words from them."

My dad was first. He talked about the first time he saw her how beautiful she was. He said whenever she's around there's always a smile on his face.

It was my turn. "As we all know my mom loved to paint and it was beautiful. Well, what many people don't know about is her love for dance. She believed they were one in the same. She said dancing was painting the words to the music and painting was dancing with a brush. She taught me how to do both in my great grandpa's barn that now belongs to me. My mom's an inspiration to me and I love her more than anything. I know she'd want me to be happy so that's what I'm going to do."
***
I know she'd want me to be happy but it's so hard after I lost her. How can I be happy without the person I love most?

I have friends and family that I love so much but at the end of the day they don't compare to my mother. She gave birth to me and cared about me. She loved me and there's nothing better than a mother's love.

I hear Aria's voice coming from the kitchen. "Can I please talk to Adrien? He hasn't answered his phone all day and Maverick was no help. I was really worried about him" Aria's voice carried through the house.

"Aria I'm sorry but Adrien's not feeling up to have visitors" dad said softly.

"Dad it's okay" I peeked out of my room. Aria was in my arms in seconds. He gave me a questioning look and I nodded in return.

We went into my room and closed the door.

"Are you okay? Why weren't you answering me? Is something wrong? Can I help?" Aria paced around the room spitting out questions quickly.

I grabbed her shoulders and stopped her. "Baby, Baby it's okay. Breathe"

"What's happening?"She asked calmly.

I took a deep breath "Today is the day my mom passed away four years ago. I power off my phone every year so I didn't have to hear it go off with sympathy texts. I thought Maverick would tell you something. I'm sorry i worried you" I sat on my bed, distressed. She grabbed my hands and held them firmly. She understood.