Sweet Pandemonium (Ville Valo)

In Joy and Sorrow

Mikko almost didn't recognise me at first. Of course, a girl does change in ten years.
I'd gotten taller since being fourteen and added some tattoos to my skin. He had long hair a and a nose ring now.
Our hug felt like it lasted ten minutes.
It was incredibly therapeutic.

I introduced myself to the others. Some knew me of the Tunteeton days and stories that had spread around the rock community of Helsinki.

The recent arrivals were all hungry and, charmingly, Bam took us all to a 24hr burger king.
I was perfectly content with a cup of jitter juice from the airport Starbucks kiosk once again. My stomach needed time after waking up before eating.
As if it was normal, Ville and I sat together in the car and in the disturbingly colourful burger king.
Much to Bam's annoyance, again, I rambled to the band in Finnish, updating them on my life and how I met Bam, comparing Americans and Finns. I finally switched back to English and tried to explain some parts to Bam so he wouldn't feel left out.
I think part of him understood I needed this. I rarely spoke to people and I hadn't been using my native tongue for a while.

After a short 'Welcome to LA' drive, hotel rooms were allocated. Three rooms were split between the seven of us. Bam, Ville and I kept to the suite. The first day would be resting and aligning with the time zone. The second day was studio day one.
I'd forgotten about time zones. It explained why Ville was always awake when I was struggling to sleep.

After forcing themselves to stay awake for a bit longer to acclimate, they called it a day. The rest of us decided to make it a tv and chill day. Beer was involved.
After running out, I encouraged Bam to go by more and get a pizza if he was willing. We called to Ville who was in the shower asking if he wanted pizza. He wasn't fussed about what was on it.

Bam headed off, sent out by my saluting him and calling him 'the best brother ever'.

I continued watching the old timey black and white movie that was streaming on the tv channel.

Ville came out of the bathroom. He'd put on pants but no top. I checked out his tattoo. His sleeve was fantastic.
"Amazing tattoos Ville," I alerted him of my staring. He thanked me. I stood up to show him my right rib tattoo and leg tattoos. They were less artistic than his but still very loved.

I lifted my hair to show him the one behind my neck as well. It was a small mandala. It had been a bitch to heal.
I nearly jumped when I felt his fingers tracing the pattern on my neck. It sent shivers through me. I put my hair down and turned to face him.
All the good memories and past years of yearning bubbled up at once.
I pushed up on my toes and kissed him. He leaned in and grabbed my waist. I pushed him to sit on the sofa bed and climbed onto his lap, continuing the kiss.
His skin was warm and smelled of the floral hotel body wash.
I nuzzled my head on his shoulder.
I felt like I was finally home in his arms.
It was corny for sure but true.

"That's cute,"

"What?" I asked.

"You said 'I'm home in your arms', did you listen to our song with those lyrics?"

"I'm probably subconsciously remembering it," I mumbled against his shoulder. I heard my phone ring from the bedside table.
I flipped it open and put it to my ear.
"Hey sis you gotta open the door when I get up there, I don't' have enough hands, in the elevator now,"
"Sure, see you in a second," I hung up and opened the door, giving Ville time to find a shirt first.
It had been luck that Bam had called ahead rather than bursting in on us.

The smell of pizza hit me before I saw Bam carrying a big bag of cans and two cardboard boxes.

"You really are the best brother," I commended. I attempted to squash some of the beer into the mini fridge for later. We all cheered and cracked the cans.

Three beers in, I didn't care about distancing and hiding anything from Bam.
I put my head on Ville's shoulder as we watched the show.
I let myself feel completely present, both to enjoy the moment and to not let it be taken away from me.