Sweet Pandemonium (Ville Valo)

November 1994

A week after our second show and success, I'd bumped into Ville again post-performance.
We arranged to meet the next day.
I'd told my parents that after dinner I was going to go for band practice with Ankee and they agreed to it, especially more supportive after hearing about the record deal.
At around seven thirty pm I found him by the tree next to the mini convenience store.
He wore ripped skinny jeans and a Black Sabbath T-shirt.
"You have a great taste in music," I compliment.
"So do you," He pointed to my 'The Doors' t-shirt that I had tucked into a burgundy skirt.
We walked to a nearby bench and sat down.
"So... we kissed and like each other, but who are you really?" I partially joked.
He grinned, "Let me introduce myself, My name is Ville Hermanni Valo, I'm fifteen years old, I live for rock n roll, I like to play music and write songs and read poems and I hate sports and I have this huge crush on a girl who I just met," He looked at my eyes, smiling. "Don't tell her though, Her name is Kayla and I only met her yesterday but she's been on my mind ever since," I tried not to laugh, completely taken back by the cuteness.
"I met a boy yesterday," I played. " I've been thinking about him since I knocked arms with him in Tavastia and I have a huge crush on him. He's also caused me to smile more in the past twenty five hours that I have in the past month."
"This girl has made me feel things other than sadness since I saw her twenty five hours ago,"
"Watch out for the kiss," I whispered in tease, brushing my lips against his before we kissed again.


We met every night for the next five and a half months.
Tunteeton had sold our demo album as the debut and two of our songs made it to the radio intermittently.
Things were going incredibly well.

Until it was all taken away... like a rug being pulled from under your feet.

I'd told my mom that I was going out with Ankee, Isobel and Janne for a celebration of our recent success and staying at her house overnight.
In truth, Ville and I went camping for a night in the woods.
He had found a tent and we found out how to pitch it.

We talked for two hours before passion weaved her web.
We lost our virginity together and slept in the tent.

The morning after, we were completely lazy and merely lay together for hours. Finally, we de-pitched the tent and then made our way home.
We kissed goodbye and walked separately through the city to our homes.

Home..
but Home is gone.
Ash and Black Debris clouds the air of our neighbourhood.
There were police and fire department. I ran towards the ashen door frame in panic.
I was grabbed by strong arms. My vision was tunnelling.
"Kayla Vanhala? Your family were caught in a fire early this morning. I'm afraid they didn't make it, can you come with us please,"

That was the day, the world shattered in front of my eyes.
And Immediately in that second all I'd done was write letters to all my loved ones.
Including Ville Valo.

Ville,
Though we'd only just met I'd felt something for you,
I don't know how you feel but I just want to remind you that you are brilliant
and I wish you well in your future and life.
As for myself, I've been told I have family in America that will be taking me in.
I wish I could be spending my time with you.
for now,
I'm Gone With the Sin,
and I hope you understand,
Love
Kayla