Absolute Truths

Epilogue

September rolls around and before I know it, it’s like summer never even happened. It came and went at the speed of a lightning strike. Speaking of lightning, of course it’s raining again today.

            I gaze out the thick glass window and absentmindedly listen to my biology teacher rant and rave about the weather. “…the most rainfall we’ve had in over six year,” he’s saying. “Can you believe it? Six years!”

            The class grumbles unenthusiastically.

            Mr. Allen has all of us stand so he can place us in our assigned seats. I roll my eyes as I stand and throw my backpack over my shoulder. Its unfamiliar weight already makes me long for this year to be over. This used to be my favorite time of year. I wonder what changed.

            I absolutely hate assigned seating. I wish I could just sit where I want to. I’m not in fifth grade anymore. Why don’t I go home and decorate my nametag for homework tonight while I’m at it?

            I find myself in the second seat in the third row with Nate two seats behind me, one row over. I haven’t seen much of him since he’s been out of the hospital. We’re not avoiding each other or anything. We’ve just been busy with other things. I was trying to spend as much time as I could with Carter before he started classes at Colombia, and Nate was making up for lost time with his mom and sister.

            I needed to give myself some space anyway. I couldn’t just throw myself back into his arms and end up right back where I started. This summer wouldn’t have meant anything at all if I had.

            I turn in my seat and watch as Emma Morris smacks her gum and twirls her hair around her finger, saying to Nate, “We all thought you died or something.”

            I roll my eyes and turn back around. I tap my pen on my notebook, fighting the urge to turn around and tell Emma Morris to put a sock in it.

            I feel a light tap on my shoulder. A small crumpled piece of paper falls softly to the teal linoleum tile floor. I stare at it for a moment, then turn to look at Nate. He nods towards the note. I stick my foot out into the aisle and kick the note closer to me until I’m able to reach down and pick it up.

            Mr. Allen turns the lights off and begins his “Into to Biology” presentation. I unfold the note as quietly as I can and lay it flat on my desk, smoothing out the crinkles in the paper with my hands. I can feel Nate’s eyes on me as I read his note: BE NICE.

            I smile and shake my head, knowing the note is in reference to my attitude towards Emma Morris. I turn slightly in my seat to look at him. I can see him smile for just a second in the darkness. He then grows serious and mouths, Pay attention!, jabbing a finger toward Mr. Allen. I roll my eyes and turn around, trying and failing to bite back a smile.          

            I know that things are going to be different now. For starters, I got a job. A real, honest-to-God job. I mean, I’m shelving books at Barnes and Noble but hey, it’s a job, right? I’m sure I’ll still spend some of my Saturday nights with the Smith boys. How I always look forward to my nights with them…

            I cut my hair, too. It stops just above my shoulders now, and I dyed it lighter. Carter says he liked it better darker and longer, but I don’t really care what he thinks. I did it for me. I’m not going to hide behind bangs and thick dark hair anymore. Carter says as long as I keep wearing my Chuck Taylors with dresses, nothing else really matters to him.

            There are lots of things that don’t really matter anymore. All of the time I wasted fighting with the people I love, and myself, doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I have finally found myself. I’m not just Ethan Reid’s little sister. I’m not just “not Grace, the other one.” I’m not just “that British guy’s girlfriend.” And I’m not just Nate Fisher’s best friend. I’ve found who I’m supposed to be. I’ve found that girl I’ve always wanted to be, and I’m so glad I finally got the chance to meet her, because as it turns out, I actually really like her.