Now that I know Nate’s okay, it feels like the summer is ending a lot faster now, like a slide you travel down slowly then speed up out of nowhere and sail to the bottom, landing with a crash.
The crash hits me this morning. I am on my way to Todd to meet up with him, Grace, and Carter when I see him standing on my street corner, just smiling at me like a snapshot come to life. Nate.
Before I even have a fraction of a second to think, he runs towards me. This is real. Well, shit, Bex, of course it’s real. I know it’s real when I feel my feet moving so fast beneath me that the ground can’t keep up. I know it’s real when I launch myself into the air, knowing, trusting that he will catch me. I know it’s real when I feel his arms tighten around me, like keys sliding so easily into their locks. I really know it’s real when he presses his face into my shoulder and cries.
I cry, too. I cry for the boy I thought I lost. I cry with relieve and love and gratitude. I cry for me, hopefully for the last time in a long time.
He lets me go, puts me down, and we wipe our tears. My heart ached and bled for Nate for so long, I don’t know how to feel happy around him anymore. There are piece missing still, and I can’t return his smile when he gives me his. There are things I have to tell him, things I need to say, but he speaks first.
“Bex, I love you.”
Everything stops then. The world stops turning beneath my feet. The wind freezes in its path. The birds fall silent. The shadows lie still. The cars slow, and it is very, very quiet.
“I always have,” he continues. “And I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.”
There is so much I want to say in this moment, but I’m speechless. I don’t believe him. He doesn’t love me any more than he did two months ago. He would have told me. He’s the brave one. He would have said something before if he really meant it. I don’t know where this is coming from, but it’s certainly not from his heart.
“Say something,” he begs. “Please.”
After a long time, I shake my head. “No.”
“No?” He looks hurt, and I feel a pang of guilt. I don’t want to hurt him. That’s the last thing I want. But I will not apologize for this. This is not what I want.
I muster up my strength. I won’t lose it now, not after I fought so fucking hard for it. “This isn’t fair,” I tell him, my eyes filling with tears. “I loved you for years. You know I did. You know. You can’t just come back and tell me you love me now. Not after everything I’ve been through.”
He just stares at me, bewildered. “Are you saying what you’ve been through is my fault?”
I’m really crying now. “You wouldn’t be telling me you love me if I didn’t say it first!”
“Maybe I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way! Did you think about that?” he shouts. I know he doesn’t mean it. He’s only yelling at me because he’s hurt.
“We both know that’s not true, Nate,” I say, my voice softening.
His face falls. He knows I’m right. He just won’t admit it, to himself or to me. He’d rather die than admit he’s wrong.
YOU ARE READING
Absolute Truths
Teen FictionIf you asked Bex what her biggest fear is, she would say it’s being alone. But she hasn’t had to worry about that a day in her life. She’s always had her best friend, Nate, to protect her. He is her knight in shining armor, her security blanket. He...
