" You know day by day, i only can fake smiles, fake happiness, be positive, and everyone would be fooled, except for one person. That person is myself. "
WARNING : Depression, Self-Harm, Blood, Possibly including Anorexia, Mild Cursing, etc.
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- " I know, every life's a movie " -
It was like every other day, Namjoon is lying on his bed at 3am unable to sleep. It isn't unusual, it's very much normal for him to be up at 3am. In his own thoughts. His own thoughts that is slowly driving him insane... day by days..
He doesn't plan to stay up late but he really can't help it, it is as if his mind isn't his own anymore, it's as if his mind is a different person.
" never show your true emotion "
It would say that to him sometimes, and more than once, he agrees. Emotions sometimes get the best of him. It shows how weak he is, and he doesn't want to be weak, especially with BTS on his back to carry.
He is, Kim Namjoon, Leader of BTS. A group that is known around the world. The Alpha of the pack. The one who leads the group to success.
People would say, being a leader is a burden. He wouldn't agree about it being a burden, but he does agree that it gets too much. People expect perfection, and he can't help but work hard to live up to everyone's expectations.
Which is hard, especially if he messed up once, then everything would fall. He doesn't want that to happen. So now, he fakes a smile. A smile that pretends everything for him. A smile that pretends that everything is bright and peaceful.
When in reality, he feels like jumping off a cliff with rocks underneath that would kill him in instant. But he can't do that. No. He can't be selfish and leave everything to his members.
It's wrong, it's his duty as a leader. To make sure everything is okay. It's his job. To make sure that everyone is well.
Even if it means that he would be the only one who suffers in silence.
< Time Skip brought by Joon's dimple >
* BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP *
Namjoon groans as he rubs his eyes, what time was it ? he doesn't even remember what time he fell asleep, he was too busy in his mind to look at the clock before going to sleep.
He sits up and turn on his phone, it was 9:30a.m, he looks around to see the room empty, he sigh before sitting on the side of his bed, his feet on the cold floor. Was he the last one to wake up ?
He stand up and walk outside the door, something smells really good, smells like eggs and bacon, and coffee, he mentally face palm himself, of course dumbass, Seokjin must be making breakfast for everyone.
