Even though I still felt very weak, I was released the next morning around 10. When we got home, Mother helped me to my room, so I could rest more. The doctor said I needed to take the next six weeks to heal. I couldn't do too much moving around. Mother was able to take a week off to help take care of Damien and I. Father tried to, but work was just too much to miss out on. I spent every day taking care of Damien and myself all alone. Mother had made a list for me to let me know the important necessities for Damien. The list was so long... I needed to know how often to feed him, how much to feed him, when he sleeps which is basically all day, when I might need to change him, how to hold him, how he should sleep, when he needs to be bathed, etc. It was crazy how all of this was very important to know.
The first few days were quite easy. Since he would sleep all the time, I could rest as often as I needed to. I followed Mother's list to make sure everything was being done right, and it was all going at a steady pace. After some time, I realized that his sleep is basically backward and I had to keep waking up in the middle of the night to feed him. Mother mentioned in the list that I had to feed him often, so I would always feed him back to sleep. He would wake up a few times during the night. It was usually around 2 am and 5 am, and it only took a few days before I started to feel really exhausted.
I started to have more breakdowns. The longer it is that I sit in this house all alone with a child, the more depressed and lonely I feel. The antidepressants were not working at this point for me. I started fantasizing myself overdosing on them and finally feeling painless. Every day, I would think about dying and how much I was looking forward to it, but at the same time, I realized that what I was thinking about was bad, and I tried pushing those thoughts out of my head by distracting myself somehow. I decided to watch Damien while he sleeps. Father had bought a rocking chair that was placed next to Damien's crib. I would sit in the chair every day and watch Damien sleep peacefully. It didn't take away the negative thoughts the way I wanted them to, but it was better than nothing. I would still feel tears running down my face, still thinking of the same asshole who left me all alone. I never stopped thinking about him, and when I look at Damien, I see his face all over again. I remember sitting in the chair one day watching my baby sleep as always, and I closed my eyes and let my mind show me the old memories. All the times he kissed me, held me close when I was crying, and held me close just because kept running through my head reminding me of how fucking foolish I was this whole time. My heart was aching so bad, it was physically painful. I really needed to do something to cope with this pain. I went to my bathroom and just looked at myself in the mirror. I had gained a lot of weight from the pregnancy, so I was a bit bigger than before. It made me feel disgusting. I looked disgusting. I couldn't look at myself anymore and walked out. I decided to go downstairs to make some food since I haven't eaten all day. We had burgers the night before and still had a few leftovers, so I reheated them. As I was eating, I heard the front door open, I looked at the clock on the wall and realized it was already half past 6, so Mother was home. She looked stressed, but when she saw me, she instantly had a smile on her face.
"Hey, Jayda, how are you feeling?"
"Good, now that I can eat," I said while shoving my burger in my mouth.
"Welcome to motherhood," she said, "and speaking of motherhood, where's that little man at, huh?"
"He's sleeping in his crib, I'll go check on him." As I was getting up, Mother grabbed my attention.
"Hey, take this up there with you."
I turned around to see Mother holding a baby monitor. I took it and looked at it for a second before heading upstairs. I placed the baby monitor on the little dresser by the crib and took a quick glance at my baby and went back downstairs. Mother had placed the baby monitor in the center of the kitchen table before reaching into the bags she brought back home with her and pulled out 3 more of them.
"I realized we needed these since this is a big house, you know." Mother said before walking into the living room.
I finished my burger very quickly as if I inhaled it. I didn't realize I was that hungry.
Mother soon walks back into the kitchen and sits next to me. "So, how is everything going?" She asks with a smile.
"Well," I started laughing realizing that everything I would explain to her she would already understand, "I'm really tired... and sore."
"Yea, I'm sure you are." She says before answering her phone that has now started ringing and walked back to the living room. That's when I suddenly heard my baby crying through the monitor, so I went upstairs to spend the rest of the day with him.
It was hard to worry about school, therapy, and my baby at the same time. I was beyond stressed. Mother doesn't work on the weekends, so that's when I can have a bit of help.
It's currently a Saturday and Damien is about to turn 2 months old. School has started back. I'm supposed to be a junior in school, but look where pregnancy has gotten me. It's about 7 am, and Mother is cooking breakfast for me, and once again they're waffles. They must know how much I love waffles. Damien is in a little swing in the living room. I can hear the swing making little sounds that bring joy to my ears.
Mother and I sat at the table eating while discussing how my sessions are with Dr. Carla, which I'll be attending at 10. To be honest, after getting to know her and see how caring and understanding she is, I no longer feel completely alone. When I attend our sessions, I'm completely honest. Dr. Carla became my new best friend, even though she's almost twice my age. I don't think age matters though.
I got Damien in his car seat, so Mother could drive me to my appointment. I'm still studying for my driving test, so I can finally drive myself. It's just with raising a child, studying is just so much more difficult than you would think.
During our session, I told Dr. Carla once again about the stress and sadness I was feeling. In every session, I basically tell the whole week's story of what I've been up to and how it makes me feel. The only things she doesn't know about is Charles and Brady. I decided to open up about Charles today. I told her first about how we met, then the connection we had, and last when he left me. I started crying at that part, but I appreciated the box of tissues that were already at my side. Dr. Carla also says it doesn't make sense how we had such a connection just for him to get up and leave.
Dr. Carla and I walked back to the main area where Mother was. She was holding Damien and rocking him to sleep. She instantly saw us and slowly put Damien back in the car seat. Her and Dr. Carla greeted once again. Dr. Carla then noticed Damien and complimented how beautiful he was. I thanked her, and she continued her conversation with Mother. I just listened and smiled when necessary.
We got home around noon. Damien was crying because he was hungry, and also, probably because he needed his diaper changed. I changed him and started to make his bottle. Mother said she would feed him for me, so I can rest if I wanted to. I thanked her and gave her the bottle before heading upstairs to shower. I felt really sore in so many places while walking up the stairs. My feet were aching, and my back was hell. I decided to take a bath, a long one. I grabbed a towel, some bath bombs, and a massager that Mother bought for me. As the water was running, I stood in the mirror and just looked around to kill time. It's a big tub to fill so it would take a minute. I then walked into my room in just my robe to look out of my window. The weather was beautiful, and the birds were chirping. There was a small breeze blowing through the trees. I almost forgot how to appreciate a beautiful day.
A moment after, I go back into the bathroom and slip off my robe entering the warm soothing water. After getting comfortable, I added the bath bombs; one was pink while the other was a lime green. They're my 2 favorite colors.
I instantly felt a lot more relaxed, and maybe too relaxed because I ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, the water was cold, and from the way my head was laying, I ended up getting a crick in my neck. So much for sore relief.
I got out of the tub and dried off following with my daily moisturizer. I brushed my teeth and washed my face which was difficult since my neck was now killing me. I put on a sweater and shorts and headed downstairs. I called out for Mother, but I got no response. I went to the kitchen only to see a note on the table.
I assumed you were sleeping, and I didn't want to wake you, so I took Damien out to get groceries. Be back soon. Love you!
I then checked the time. It was about 3 o'clock. 2:58pm to be exact. I was feeling hungry since I hadn't ate since breakfast, so I made some pizza rolls, even though I'm not a huge fan of them after my pregnancy, but it was the only thing we had that looked edible. Clearly, I should wait for Mother to just return with the tons of food that she usually buys, but I'm too impatient. I heat them up and eat in silence. Mother still hasn't returned when I already finish eating. Then, I realized that I left my phone upstairs, so I wash my plate and head back up, but right before I reach my bedroom door, I hear a faint noise. It sounded like something was moving in my bedroom. I got scared, so I put my ear up against the door. On the other side I could hear heavy breathing as if they were completely out of breath. I slowly begin to open the door and look around. There they were, the one person I never thought I'd see again.
Charles.
YOU ARE READING
Sketchbook
Teen Fiction"Life is like a sketchbook. There's a beginning and an end. When you start, your drawings will start simple but become more detailed over time. Some are filled with color while some are black and white. Some were easy to create while others took mor...
