Sketchbook

Chapter 16

     The next morning came, and I was woken up by mother. Some news came in. Gabby's trial. I immediately got out of my bed and headed downstairs. She handed me the newspaper, and I read every word. It's next Wednesday at 10am.
     "We have to be there," I told mother. She agreed.
     "In the meantime, you need to worry about your son." She said.
     I nodded and headed upstairs to where he was. He was asleep as he usually is this time of day. I woke up 3 times in the night to feed and change him. I learned my lesson not to underestimate the life of a new mom.
I went to my room and decided to call Anna. I really wanted to just hear her voice. We talked for about an hour and decided to make plans. I had to ask Father if it was ok first, and I was surprised but not surprised he said ok. I promised I would start going back to church tomorrow, since tomorrow is Sunday. I got to leave Damien with Mother since she was off today. So, I left for the mall with Anna. She came and picked me up in her new car that she finally saved up for. A black Toyota Camry. She has always wanted a new black car since we were like 9, and she finally got it.
"What is this?" I said completely shocked.
"You like my new ride?" She said with a big smirk on her face.
"This is so cool." I was so happy for her.
"Well, don't just stand there, get in!" She yelled. I gladly hopped into the passenger seat and we took off.
We bought some new outfits and shoes. She even bought this very cute bag. It was a Tommy Hilfiger mini bag, and it was black of course. Which is funny because Anna's favorite color is green, but when it comes to cars and fashion, there's nothing that beats black, and I couldn't agree more.
When we got back to my place, Mother walked into the living room while feeding Damien, and she saw all of the bags we had. She gave us a more serious look.
"How much stuff did you buy?"
"Don't worry, I saved up enough for this," Anna said.
Mother smiled at us, happy to see us smiling and hanging out together again.
"Gosh, you two have grown so fast. I remember like it was yesterday when you two had your first play date."
Anna giggled.
We then headed up to my room where we tried on every outfit and every pair of shoes we bought. What goes with what, what needs to be saved for special occasions, etc. That's when I heard my baby boy crying in the other room, and that meant the fun time was over. Anna left while I went to feed Damien. She didn't leave without a goodbye hug though.

That night, the one and only snuck into my room through the window again... Charles. I was on my bed reading a magazine. The drama in the life of a celebrity is quite crazy. However, my life is definitely crazier, I'll tell you that.
Anyways, Charles came in and sat next to me. He kissed my cheek before wrapping his arm around me.
"Hi, beautiful," he said so casually.
"Hey," I said not really focusing on him since this magazine is kind of interesting.
Suddenly, he rips the magazine out of my hand, and I almost yelled had he not shooshed me. I had forgotten it's late at night, and no one is supposed to be here with me, especially him.
"Give it back," I said in a loud whisper.
"Pay attention to me," he said.
"Fine," I said as he leaned in and kissed me. And, well, it kind of turned into a long make out session, that is until he stopped to tell me something.
"I heard about Gabrielle's trial." He said.
"Oh, you did?" I asked, "Are you gonna go?"
"He was my best friend Jayda, of course I'm gonna go."
Your best friend that raped your girlfriend and his own sister but whatever. That's when he sat up on the side of the bed, and I sat down next to him. He kept his head down, no smile in sight. I put my hand on top of his rubbing it with my thumb.
"We've been best friends since we were in diapers. It's ironic how we've been through so much and I didn't even know about his secrets. And here I thought we knew everything about each other. I told him everything about me, everything. I just don't get it." A tear rolled down his face. I was about to wipe it away, but then I realized that it's better to let out all of your emotions when you're upset, especially when you're grieving the loss of a loved one you knew your whole life. Holding in all those emotions only make you feel worse. You have to open up to someone that you know you can trust. Someone you truly love, who you know would never let you down. I decided I was going to be that person for Charles. He really didn't have anyone else to trust. It was only me. Whether he knew it or not.
"I need to make everything right again," he said, "I can't live like this anymore."
"What do you mean?" I asked
"I have to fix everything I caused. Starting with you. With our family. We have a child and we need to take care of him together, not just you."
"It's not me you need to make things right with." I said.
"Right," he said, "it's your dad."
I made a pretend scared face, and he laughed.
"I'll try not to get myself killed," he said with a smile.
He fell back onto the bed, as did I. He was looking at the ceiling but I was looking at him. It's been awhile since I could really look at his face and see how beautiful it was. His perfect fluffy hair, is flawless skin, his contagious smile, and those eyes, the moonlight was shining through my window directly onto him, directly into his eyes. That's when he looked at me, and I was completely lost in his gaze.
"So, when should we settle this?" He asked.
"Tomorrow," I said.
He noticed how deeply I was staring at him, and he stared right back at me. I smiled at him as he smiled back at me.
"What should we do now?" He asked in a whisper.
I moved closer to him, and kissed him, but I pulled his body into mine making him roll on top of me. We made out for a long time. And not before we long... all of our clothes were in the floor. Charles kissed every inch of my body as if he was praising it, telling me how every inch of me was perfect. And when he fucked me, it didn't feel like the first time where two teenagers were just hooking up, it felt like love. I felt loved and wanted and needed. But then again, he still had it in him. It was rough, but it was passionate. He wouldn't stop moaning though. I swear my parents could hear everything, but no one came, fortunately.
     After we finished, we both fell asleep. And we did make sure to use protection. We didn't wake up until the next morning. My alarm went off at 8 am. I noticed Charles was still laying next to me, both of us still completely naked. That's when I shot up in fear. Mother will be up here eventually to check on me since we have church this morning. She can't find us like this because then she'll tell Father. I woke up Charles and told him that he needs to get home now. He immediately got up and started putting his clothes back on, and so did I. He gave me a quick long kiss before heading out the window.
"I'll see you later today." He said.
I went to my closet to pick out an ugly but appropriate church dress, and not long after Mother did indeed walk into my room to check on me after I had already brushed my teeth and did my hair. It was already about 8:30.
"I'm glad your up this time, let's get going, and don't forget your Bible." Mother said before closing my door and heading downstairs in her very loud heels.
She's right though, I would always forget my Bible. So, I went to my bookshelf to find it. It was on the top shelf where I could just barely reach, but I did, however it's not the only thing I grabbed. I managed to drop another book that was lying underneath it. I look at the floor to see what it was, and lo and behold, it was my sketchbook. The pages all still empty inside. I decided I was going to use it when I come back from church. Though, I was still unsure what exactly I was going to draw. There's billions of things in the world, and I only want to choose one.
     Throughout the whole church session, that's all I've been thinking about. Mother got onto me several times for not paying attention to the preacher and his service. I couldn't help it though. It's like the second I focus on one thing, my mind flips the pages. Mother told Father about my lack of participation in church, and he got onto me when we got home.
     We all walk through the front door of our home. Father almost slams the door so hard, I thought it would break in two.
     He started yelling, "Is it so hard for you to pay attention to the one thing that matters in your life!? All you ever focus on is yourself and all the unimportant things that you worry about. You need to focus on God! There is no one else more important!"
     Maybe he's right, I thought. Maybe I'm not focusing on what matters most to me, but at the same time, I am. I do believe in God, and I do believe he has a life planned for me, but I also have a child. I have my child to focus on, but I still believe in God, and I told Father that.
     "Well, you have a funny way of showing it, don't you?" He said. "You never pay attention to the sermon. You never did before, and you still don't do it now."
     I wanted to reason with him, but I had a feeling that he wouldn't understand me, so I just went to my room.
     When I closed my bedroom door behind me, I lied my Bible on my nightstand. Lying on the bed next to it, I see my sketchbook that I had left behind. I pick it up and open it to the empty first page. Then, it hit me. I knew what to draw. After, the conversation I just had with Father, I realized what felt most important to me in the moment. My child, Damien. I decided to draw him. I drew us. I drew me holding him in my arms, but I could never draw a face very well, so I kept my back turned. Took me about 30 minutes, but I finished. I really liked how it turned out. Hopefully, Charles will like it too.
Speaking of, I hoped he was doing okay. I haven't spoken to him since the morning. So, I decided to call. His phone rang a few more times than normal, but he did answer. He sounded really out of breath like he was running or something.
"Hey, wassup?" He asked.
     "Hey, what you are you doing?" I asked.
     "Going out for a jog. I do this every morning to stay fit since I'm not playing soccer anymore."
     "I see." I say with a smile imagining when he used to play soccer at the games. He looked so sexy when he was sweating. Reminds me of last night as well... which reminds me. "Hey, so, when do you plan on coming by to speak to you know who?"
     "Ughh don't remind me," he said followed by a laugh, "But I'll be there later. I need to get home and shower, and then I have to go buy something, then, I'll be on my way."
     "What do you need to buy?" I asked.
     "You'll see," he said.
     I can tell he was smirking when he said that which made me even more suspicious, but I know him to well. He won't tell me. So, I let it go.
     "Ok, whatever," I said with a chuckle.
     "Ok, I'll see you later then, beautiful." He said.
     "Ok, handsome." I said.
     He laughed and hung up.
     I set my phone down and directed my attention back to my sketchbook. I looked at the drawing for a while wondering what I would do with it. I decided to put down the drawing and think about it later. I put my Bible away and used up the rest of my time on my phone, waiting for Charles' arrival.

     5pm comes along and still no sign of Charles. Mother calls me down for dinner, so I lay Damien down in his crib as he drifts to sleep and head downstairs.
While we were eating dinner, there was a knock on the door. Finally, he shows up, but I'm scared how it will all turn out. Father gets up from the table to see who it is and lo and behold, Charles is there holding a bouquet of red and yellow flowers that I can't remember the name of, but there he is. I see what he needed to go buy now.
"Now's not a good time," Father said before almost shutting the door in his face until Charles interrupted him.
"Actually, sir, I'm here to see you." He said.
"You brought me flowers?" Father said. I chuckled at that response.
"Well- uh, no these- these are for- for Jayda." He said.
I chuckled at that response too. You'd think for such a tough, confident guy, he'd be able to look at his girlfriend's dad in the eyes when talking to him, but Charles is struggling a little bit, so I intervene.
"Father, he came all this way, let him in."
Father simply sighs and opens the door wider allowing Charles the entrance. Charles quickly enters and before he could reach me, Father intervenes then.
"We can chat in the living room, this way," he says while guiding Charles out of my sight, as a loving father would, of course. Me and Mother stop eating and move closer to the door to eavesdrop. God, I love my mom.
"Well, like she said, you came all this way. What is it you need to say?" Father says with sophistication.
"Well, uh-"
"Look at me when you speak." Father said sternly.
Charles looked him in the eyes before taking a big, deep breath and speaking clearly. Me and mother waiting
suspenseful.
"I want Jayda to come live with me." Charles says.
My eyes widen. My mother's eyes widen. Father's eyes grow in disappointment, but before he says anything, Charles continues.
"And before you say no, I just want to explain myself," a long silence grows before he puts his words together, "look, I know what I did to her. I know what I did to this family. But at the end of the day, I can't just go back in time. What's done is done, and although, I can't change the situation, I can change the outcome. I don't want her living here and taking care of her baby- our baby, all by herself. He's mine too and I should be responsible for him also," more silence... "I have a job. A good job too. And as soon as she starts working, together we can build a future for our child."
Father sits there with his arms crossed as if he's contemplating his decisions. Mother and I are still standing there listening to everything. Every word that's come out of his mouth made me feel happy. It made me feel hopeful for a future. A happy life with him and our child... but what will Father say?
Charles continues, "Listen, I'm not gonna ask for your forgiveness because I know what I did is unforgivable... but I am asking you for your understanding. Look at the situation. Don't you want what's best for her?"
"What's best for her is entirely up to God," Father finally answers. Charles is startled by his response, and so am I, and he continues, "but... you're right."
Charles' eyes widen as do mine.
"The situation isn't right. You need to be in your child's life. You need to be in her life to love and support her."
"So you'll let her move in with me?" Charles asked with a smile on his face.
"No." Father said.
As quickly as Charles' smile came, it faded.
"But you said-"
"I know what I said," Father interrupts, "because although you are responsible for your child, I'm still responsible for mine. She's only 16, Charles. I am her legal guardian until she is 18."
I honestly didn't think about that until now. Charles had the same facial expression as I did. That's still another two years before I can live on my own.
"I understand." Charles said with a frown.
"However," Father continued, "in the meantime, I will allow you to visit more often, and you may stay the night, but you will sleep in separate beds. Jayda will be allowed one day a week to stay at your place, but no staying the night."
Father is really trying to keep us out of the sheets, huh? I guess if I were him I'd say the same thing.
     "Yes, sir," Charles said.
Father paused and then said with a very angry tone, "and if you ever hurt my daughter again, you're gonna wish you hadn't. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes sir," Charles said more softly.
"You have made a child with my daughter, therefore you are a part of this family. And we always do anything for our family, do you understand, Charles?"
Charles smiled and nodded, "Yes sir."
I smiled myself. Father has finally excepted Charles into the family. Father and Charles came back to the kitchen as Mother and I rushed back to the table pretending like we were eating. Father offers Charles a plate, and we all enjoyed dinner together.