Mine {Book 1}| Completed

Epilogue

I guess I wasn't prepared for the consequences when we started sneaking around together. But then when I came to think of it... I did this, not him. Karma got to me much quicker than I thought. My dad locked me up and didn't even care. It's eight months since...well since I last saw my dad. Practically a year. In September it'll be a year. But it's June and I want nothing but my freedom. If I can be free then I'd definitely do it. This is my retreat. And I guess being on my retreat is something I can't even bear another minute.

Doctor Jefferson looked at me like he felt sorry. Maybe my story made a lot more sense to him. That being locked in here wasn't gonna help me. Not by drugging me.

"Well... you really had a journey, Emma. I can see the issues." He placed down his notepad. "But you understand your dad's perspective?"

"I don't think I can." I replied.

"You had a lot to go through. You went through so much. And you attended your group with the girls. And you and Miss Andrews have gotten along well. And you and Miss Lee have still gotten into fights everyday just about. But you are a very fragile person. At least according to your hypnosis therapies." He said.

"How do you mean?" I leaned back in my chair.

"You have made progress." He said, "what if I told you that your able to make a call to anyone and not just your mother?"

"I'd say you're joking." I chuckled.

The room kinda went silent and all I thought of was how everything felt so fake right now. I don't wish to call anybody. Because I don't think I deserve to talk to anybody. And plus, I just feel like I wanna leave this place. And recently I have fallen asleep sometimes and wonder what would happen if I killed myself...like overdose or just drown myself. But I won't 'cause I'm strong and I deserve life as much as anyone else. I don't feel good in this spot. And I cried nights 'cause I can't stand the isolation.

"Well you could be out of here by next month. As long as you don't get into another fight with Gretchen Lee. And take your medication." He told me. "But more importantly how do you feel about Christopher?"

"I want him to be happy. To move on. Only 'cause I know that for the best. We may never see each other again." I said.

Doctor Jefferson nodded. "Yes, staying away from Christopher would be the best. You don't have to ignore him. But to stay away from him. Keep distance. 'Cause if you spend time with him...the past catches up and it'll bring back to the loneliest times. So...you'd might want to keep away. And he should stay away from you as well."

"I don't think it would be a problem since when I do leave I'm going to live in Los Angeles with my mother. Christopher's in San Francisco." I explained to him.

He tapped his pen on the desk. And then he got up from his chair and took my file putting it back in the file cabinet. And then I just sat waiting for him to come back.

"I think we're done for today, Emma. But think of those things we just talked about." He said.

"Yes, I will." I nodded.

He went to his door and I got up leaving from the room. Nurse Gallagher escorted me out of the hallway and I went back to my room. And I felt like I might lose myself in this fucking isolation. I thought I was in the greatest place for a while until I was stuck here in this place. What if I was stuck in this place forever? I sat at my window reading To Kill a Mockingbird. And then my door opened and I turned to see Gretchen there.

"Hey." She said. "What are you thinking about?"

"Not much. I guess I had a lot on with me. But I'm perfectly stuck here. Just like you." I sadly said.

Gretchen took a seat on my bed and she sat with her legs crossed and she smiled.

"Emma, I'm not perfect. But you are. You have a loving mom who visits you five times a week. She brings you Olive Garden takeout and Ben and Jerry's ice cream. My mom doesn't even visit me. Yeah, I hurt my father. I was fourteen. And I just hate that... I did that. And I pray that he'll wake from his coma so I can ask him to forgive me." She said.

I turned around in my chair and I looked at her only feeling sorry for her 'cause that's the regret coming from her 'cause she never meant something and now she's paying for it.

"I'm not perfect, Gretchen. I had a love affair with my stepbrother." I said.

"Hey, it was meant to be. It was destined for you two to love each other." She said.

I honestly couldn't believe I was having a real conversation with her. But she's right. Sometimes you just are meant to fall for the right people. It just happens, I guess. But Doctor Jefferson told me to keep distance from Christopher and I think he's right. He's right 'cause I gotta focus on myself once I leave. I'm not gonna jump into another relationship either. And if he happens to be dating someone...I will be okay with it. At least not one of my friends...'cause that would be awkward.

"I guess you know a lot more than I thought." I chuckled.

"I don't know. I rather know what are you gonna do?"

I sighed, looking out the window seeing the sunset.

"I guess just see how things turn out. To see if it turns out how Doctor Jefferson wants. Remember the past but to move on. And focus on myself." I said.

She got up from my bed and stood up with me looking out the window.

"Well if you get out soon...please come back to visit me." She pleaded.

"I will." I said.

And then it was like a beautiful orange pinkish sunset. A sunset I always loved back at home. And then I sat back on my bed with Gretchen.

"Emma, I'm sorry for all the slut shaming I said to you. Putting the bar of soap in your mouth. And telling everyone about you and your stepbrother." She said.

"Your forgiven." I nodded.

"But I gotta tell you I haven't even been in love like you. I haven't experienced it. Only in fantasies." She started. "I had this dream of a girl and me...her name was Audrey. And she's beautiful. And we're in love. And I'm not ashamed to like girls and kiss girls. And to be who I am. 'Cause inside I know I'm loved."

I wrapped my arms around her and right then and there was just an embrace. I felt sorry how she wants the things I want. But then I took my book and started to read it 'cause I know she'd like to hear Wuthering Heights instead of To Kill a Mockingbird. I opened up the book and started to read it out loud.

I guess I had the reasons of knowing about love. Gretchen likes girls. But being friends with her doesn't bother me now 'cause inside she never meant any of the bad things. And that's when I knew...right then I knew...there are more painful things to come to me. Maybe not now. But someday. Somehow. Someway.

Inside Lovely Ladies I had learned that I decided to learn a lesson. I guess the ice in my soul hasn't healed. And healing is a power. Something a lot of people need. I now know I need to depend on myself. And the only great thing is....

There's still that electricity. The fire and the ice. And now I know there is worse pain still. If I'm released from here or not and if I ever see Christopher again... I know things will change. And I imagine that nightmare of me and Christopher in the sea of the storm. And it's right then that I'm drowning too.

I felt myself sinking even though I know no one can ever save me. But I don't need the saving. My heart is stopping. And I'm drowning forever in my isolation of being trapped in my depression.

THE END