Mine {Book 1}| Completed

Chapter 15: Thanksgiving

Chapter 15: Thanksgiving

I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna worry. I'm not gonna try to be someone I'm not. I'm not gonna ruin a great day. I'm not gonna feel bad. I'm not gonna pretend it doesn't bother me. And I can't hold the tears back. But now I'm just gonna put a smile on my face. And to pretend nothing bothers me...

The thoughts were in my head. Everything was haywire.

I struggled while putting makeup on my face. I couldn't handle anything that was in my head. I just wanted to cry my eyes out. And dad knew nothing for the past couple of days. He just wanted Thanksgiving to be good. And so I sat in my room struggling with my makeup terrified I ruin my mascara from crying.

I sighed, unable to do it. I don't think I can go downstairs and face everyone. I can't face Christopher due to our last conversation which was him rejecting me for sure. And ever since... he's been busy with April. And then... I was busy texting Patrick everyday until today. And once my alarm clock went off this morning I had texted him on my way into the shower, out of the shower and getting dressed, having breakfast and then brushing my teeth. And it's certain he is definitely coming.

Thanksgiving used to be the greatest holiday for me. But now it's so hard for me due to this being the first Thanksgiving that mom isn't here. And I was shaking because of it. And so, I can't face dad and Colleen's family because of this. I will breakdown. My parents being together was everything. It was my world. And now it's so hard to look down and know my mother won't be there.

My mother is over her sister's house for Thanksgiving in which Grandma will join along with the great uncles and aunts and cousins over at Aunt Maggie's house. And while I sit here thinking of it... I should be with mom.

I had my mascara on but it was faded. And I fixed it. And then I had just tried my best not to worry of a thing. I wanted to cry. But dad said he wanted it to be a great day since it's our first holiday together. Meaning with Christopher and Colleen. So this was definitely fear coming from me. I grabbed my fan, fanning myself of this anxiety take over my body. I felt like I might crumble. And I just wanted to be happy. But being happy was so hard.

      I saw Christopher this morning when I was brushing my teeth. He was being sweet and kind like nothing happened a couple days ago and like he didn't ghost me. And he said good morning to me while I just brushed my teeth and ignored him and stayed silent. But I didn't wanna talk to him. And then after I took a shower and then I came in here getting my makeup on. I'm still in my robe while my hair is up in a towel.

   I had light makeup on. And I had decided I was gonna have my hair flat ironed. Even though my hair is naturally straight. And I wanted to look my best. And I had texted Patrick most of the morning. Even when I had two cups of coffee this morning. And he told me he couldn't wait to see me. And after being in my room, I had my country music playing of Sugarland. And as I was listening... I had just took my damp hair out of the towel, and I started taking my flat iron, straightening it. I had plenty of time before everyone arrives.

     After my hair was done, I had gotten up to take my outfit I was gonna wear... it was lying out nicely on my bed. It was a dark blue dress that I picked out only because Patrick asked me to dress beautiful. And I think this is good as any. I took off my robe and put on a black thong and a strapless bra. And I took my dress putting it on with snazzy shoes. And I liked dressing up for holidays. And I also put in big loop earrings. And I was wearing my charm bracelet. And a locket. It was gold.

Putting on this dress, I felt very sexy. Which I worried that it might be too sexy. But as Mandy tells me... there's no such thing as too sexy. I wanna make April jealous. But I want Christopher to see what he's missing out on. He could have all of me... all of this... but he denies it for someone who could never love him like I do. And here, I am gonna look the greatest. And I was wearing expensive perfume. The one from the bathroom. The one Christopher let April use, I'm sure. Let me see their reaction when they smell it on me. And then I'll know they used it after having sex.