Sunken Ships

1

..

I woke up early the next day. Tahimik kami sa hapag. Tatay is still here. The sun just rose. Wala 'pang araw nang magising ako kanina ngunit hindi naman agad tumayo.

The memory of yesterday seemed to linger in my mind for a long time. Hindi naman ganito dati. Kung ano ang pagbabago ay hindi ko alam. One thing I'm sure about are my parents looking at me as I eat. Kapag naman titignan ko sila pabalik ay iiwas sila at bubuntong-hininga na parang nadaanan lang nila ako ng tingin.

I can't look at them for too long, though. I know what I did last time. Its bad. I can still remeber the exact words from my mother about not listening to private conversations.

Nga lang, mas nagsusumigaw ang kagustuhan ko na magtanong. I'm itching to ask my father if he's okay. I have my fair share of experiences in bullying. Even if I'm still a kid, I already understand the negative effects of it in one's self.

"Tatay, ayaw ba nila sa atin?" I eagerly asked.

Hindi ko na talaga napigilang itanong. I know that this will confirm their thoughts, not that its not obvious anyway. Ta-tatlo lang naman kami sa bahay kaya hindi na para pa at mag-isip kung sino ang nagdala sa telepono ni papa na iniwan niya sa lamesa sa baba. Its not calculus to figure out how the phone appeared on the second floor.

"A-anak.."

Both of my parents are surprised. Their widen eyes looked horrified. They never expected that I'll ask that. Siguro sa ilang taon kasi na pag-intindi sa mga tao ay dumating na ako sa punto ng pagtataka.

I always understand them as I grow. I'm six now, turning seven a few months from now. At sa ilang taon na paalala ni nanay at tatay na intindihin na lang sila ay napagtanto ko na gusto ko ng kasagutan. Why? Why do we have to understand them? Why do I always have to understand them but not me?

"Anak.. kasi.."

Nagtinginan sila. Tumikhim si tatay. Hinawakan naman ni nanay ang kamay ko pagkaraan. She touched me softly. Her hand is so bouncy and soft despite all she does, isa sa namana ko. I stared at her complexion that I always admired and envied about.

Ang palaging hiling ko sa gabi tuwing magdarasal. Ang hindi mawala-wala sa listahan ko na pwedeng baguhin sa akin kasama ng marami 'pang bagay. My nose, my lips, hair hair... the list just don't end.

"Hindi naman sa hindi nila tayo gusto. Hindi lang nila naiintindihan.."

"Ang ano po?"

Naglulumikot ang kanyang mga mata. Siguro ay naghahanap ng mga tamang salita para maintindihan ko. But I need no reassuramce or sugarcoated words. I lived long just to hear those. Pagod na ako. Ang gusto ko na marinig ay pawang katotohanan naman.

"You see, diversity is beauty. It's what makes us who we are and what makes us different to others, anak. And most people are afraid of it." She explained eventually.

"Bakit po kung ganoon?"

"Because they're afraid to seek and explore things they're unfamiliar with. Takot sila sa hindi nila nakasanayan."

Tahimik ako pagkatapos noon. Pilit na inintindi ang mga narinig at ang mga kaklase na mahilig mang-asar. So they're afraid of me because I'm different than the rest? Should I be happy then? That I'm not like them?

"Pero hindi naman lahat ay takot. May iba na taos pusong magugustuhan ka. Not all people are like that. Those people are rare. And when you meet one, anak, kaibiganin mo. Sometimes a friend is enough for a whole lifetime."