you raise me up || harry potter

chapter 45

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what could have been

★ by myuu ★

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When Harry told Draco about the Firebolt that had mysteriously been delivered to him, Draco immediately told him not to turn it in. 

"Snape will definitely confiscate it. You know, to strip it down to search for jinxes and curses," Draco said. "He's paranoid like that."

Privately, Harry thought it was less paranoia and more common sense. That being said, he didn't want to turn in this beautiful broom either. But knowing Snape, he'd probably doubt that Harry had bought it himself or had received it as a gift—as far as gifts go, the price range of a Firebolt was well beyond one of mere friendly thoughtfulness, and Snape knew Harry wasn't a big spender. 

Ah, well. The next Quidditch match was far in the future, so Harry wouldn't have to worry about that for a while. 

What Harry was worrying about was his Patronus lessons with Lupin. Most times, Harry left them feeling cold and exhausted, and he suspected his chocolate intake wasn't the most healthiest thing. But he was not about to give up—he didn't want Dumbledore to have to save him every time something went amiss. Harry supposed it was the Slytherin resourcefulness and ambition talking.

Harry still could not produce a corporeal Patronus. Lupin assured him that the fact that Harry could produce anything at all was astounding given his age, but it didn't really make him feel better. 

"One more time," Harry begged. "I can get it this time, I know I can."

"No," Lupin said firmly, shutting the boggart away into its trunk. "You've had enough for today. I'm worried this has all taken a toll you, Harry. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself."

"I'm not," Harry denied. "I feel fine, really—"

He was definitely not fine. His head ached, his toes were numb, and his mother's screaming never left his mind these days, but he wasn't about to tell Lupin that. 

As he opened his mouth to ask Lupin again to let him have another go, the classroom door opened. Snape walked in holding a goblet, which was smoking faintly, and froze at the sight of Harry.

"Ah, Severus," Lupin said with a smile. "Thanks very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?"

Snape set the goblet down, eyes wandering between Harry and Lupin. He stared at Harry for a while longer, and Harry wondered if Snape could see the faint sheen of sweat on his face from holding off the boggart for so long. 

"We were just talking about my hinkypunk," Lupin said, pointing at its tank. "From my lesson today."

"Fascinating," Snape said, but looked vaguely troubled and didn't look away from Harry. He finally turned to Lupin and said, "You should drink that directly, Lupin."

"Yes, yes I will."

"I made an entire cauldronful. If you need more."

"Thank you, Severus."

Harry felt like he was being ripped in two. Five months ago, he had found the notion that Snape would poison him to be preposterous. Now, he was suspecting Snape of poisoning Lupin. 

"What is that?" Harry asked when Snape left. 

"A particularly complex potion. I've been feeling a bit off-color lately... this potion is the only thing that helps. I'm quite lucky to have Professor Snape as a colleague; there aren't many wizards as capable or willing to take time out of their schedule as him."