Sugar. Why not?

You'll Get What's Coming To You

It takes a lot of effort for me to care about anything right now. Like a whole fucking lot. Although I am baffled as to why Nadia hasn't started lording over her new business. I like to think it's because she's scared to move a muscle in case she runs into the law. From my last update she's had three different interviews with the police. She's a good liar though and it's going to take more time to pin this on her.

Even with the evidence and both mine and Sofia's statements...oh and with Sofia's injuries, they still can't fucking arrest her.

Squeezing my eyes shut I do my best to ignore the slideshow of thoughts and images that bombard my brain. No. Don't think about her.

Silly of me to even think her name. She's fine. Probably better than ever!

"Patrick?! Hello!"

"Yes I'm here. I keep telling you I can't do anything about it. It's out of my control. Why do you care so much anyway? You're still getting paid and doing your job" I sigh, sitting up on the couch and shielding my eyes from the sunlight beaming through the floor to ceiling windows. When did it become morning again?

"I care because you are my boss Patrick. You have been for years! Not be mushy but I look up to you. You've taught me a lot and I don't want you to throw it all away"

That's touching but not enough to get anywhere near the barricade slammed around my emotions.

"It'll all work out okay for you and hopefully for the rest of the staff. You don't need to worry about me because apparently I'll have enough money to stay filthy fucking rich for the rest of my pointless life. You know I was kind of hoping I'd go bankrupt soon. Maybe I'd have to get a normal job. Do you know how much money I've given to charity over the last week?"

"I don't want to know Patrick. You're being incredibly stupid! Look I know you're heartbroken but there's any easy way to fix that! Just go get Sofia back-"

"Stop! Stop talking. I don't want to hear that. Just stop calling too okay! I've had enough of your whining" I snap, standing up to relieve the constant state of irritation and desolation I live in.

This has me catching a glimpse of my reflection in the windows. Fuck I look like shit. I'm not sure how many different foods are staining my sweat pants or why I'm not wearing a shirt but who really cares? No one can see me.

"You need to pull it together! Seriously! If you're not going to get her back then find someone else. Or even just fuck someone please-"

Oh hell that's also not somthing I want to hear. Remember when she thought I slept with someone else? I hate that she even had an image of that in her head. I could never do that. I don't think I ever will again.

"Goodbye Jack-ass"

Ending the call and dropping my phone, I contemplate what to do now. My days consist of sleeping a lot. Occasionally eating whatever is in the cupboards and even more occasionally trying and failing to not think about Sofia.

Soon I will actually have to leave my sanctuary to buy more food. Or maybe I'll buy everyone else food too and try to put a dent in my bank account.

Apparently my new hobby is called: Trying To Empty My Bank Account As Fast As Possible.

Which is really fucking tough!

My bones creak as I walk aimlessly around my apartment keeping my eyes straight ahead in case I see anything that may crush my heart even further.

We should be together right now. If I was a better man and less known to the world we could be happy.

I wish my selfish gene was stronger. I wish I could have said fuck it and held her close. But then I wouldn't deserve her.