Wanderlust

11. |D R E A M S|

The rest of the car ride was quiet. Eventually, we got to the other state and pulled into a greasy looking motel. Luka forced me to wait in the car as he got a room. 

And I wish he hadn't because him leaving left me alone with my thoughts. And I was scared. Not of him. But of being away from my family. I had never left my dad. I hoped he was okay. Tossing my phone out of the window wasn't smart on my part. 

It didn't take him long to get back with the room key, and the journey all the way to our took no time at all. 

As soon as Luka opened the door, the smell of mildew was present. The single bed was neatly made and the room was lit up with two lamps on either side. One of the lamp's glass shades were cracked, but it produced enough light for me to see Lukas cheesy smile.

"Okay, I know it isn't the fanciest room. But it was their cleanest room." He jumped on the bed and laughed. "Oh, and I hope you don't mind the single bed." 

"It's part of the experience I suppose." Then I realized that I didn't bring clothes. 

"Shit, Luka. I didn't pack a bag before I left. And I can't sleep in jeans." I said, rubbing my temples. 

"Okay, I have an idea. You can wear my shirt. I cant help you in the pants department. But if I were you, I wouldn't wear any." 

"Absolutely not." I looked at my choice of outfit. 

"Come on Baby." He said getting up and pulling off his shirt. "Here, it will be okay."

And then, my resolve broke. What did I have to lose anyway? So, I did what I need. I kicked off my boots and took off my shirt and pants. I grabbed Lukas's shirt and I rushed to bed. I quickly slid under the blanket and sighed. 

"Baby," Luka began as he took off his jeans. "You can't be doing that." 

All I could do was smile. Soon after he had laid down I moved closer and laid my head on his chest. 

"Why did you leave?" He asked.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. I had figured he'd ask this.

"I didn't feel like I belonged. I mean look at my mother and father. They were elegant and beautiful. I was rebellious and clumsy. At school, I was a different person. I was who my father wanted me to be," I sighed. "Now I don't have to pretend. No one will know me. I can be whoever I want to be." I began to tear up. 

"I couldn't stay there after Michael had died. Soon after the nightmares started. I began smoking and I didn't want to be trapped anymore. So when you had offered to take me away, I had to take it.

Luka just listened and rubbed my arm. He never talked. He just listened. 

The rhythm of his breathing soon slowed. I moved to my pillow and turned away and soon drifted to sleep as well. 

My dreams had been dark. I couldn't remember them. But that night they felt so real. I could feel the rain. I was sweating pretty heavily, my breath growing faster as I ran down the street. My surroundings were unfamiliar. The street was long and empty. The only lighting was from the dull street lights. And then I was cold. I began to shake and shiver. Everything felt so real. I felt a hand on my shoulder and then I was in the car. But I couldn't hear. There was a loud sound. Sirens. All I could hear was sirens. My breathing sped up and I felt as if I had crashed. I remembered how angry Michael had been that night. I remembered the crash. 

I woke up then. Same time I had woken up before. Right after we crashed. I was sweating and breathing hard. Luka was still asleep soundly on the other side of the bed. 

I grabbed the key card and my discarded cigarettes and walked out the door. I needed air. 

My cigarette after my dreams always felt the best. The fresh air was amazing as well. The slight chill on my bare legs was great. The night air was always more calming. 

I surveyed my surroundings. The motel itself was an ugly brown color, the doors a pastel blue. The numbers on our doors were hanging by a single screw. I smiled then. To think that I had gone so far. That I had left finally. I briefly wondered how my parents were holding up. 

My mother, I assume, is just fine. My dad is probably worried, but he will get better.

The sun was shining high, signaling that it was time to get up and leave. I didn't want to wake Luka because he had to drive so I lit another cigarette and smoked it slowly. Letting the smoke fill my lungs and calm my restless mind. 

The thought of freedom and being on my own engulfed me like the ocean. I didn't know how this would turn out, but for now, I can only wait and hope it is okay. my future with Luka is bright. 

As I was taking my last puff I heard the door open and saw Luka frantically look around until his eyes met me. 

"Baby, why the fuck are you out here in the cold without pants. I thought you were taken or you left me." He was talking fast. I could tell he was scared. So I dropped my cigarette and I took his hand and led him inside. 

"I'm sorry I scared you. I needed a cigarette. C'mon." 

I lead him to the room and began to dress. We needed to leave early so we could go shopping and get on the road. We still had roughly 20 hours to go before we arrived at our destination.