Wanderlust

10. |N E W|

The first hour was filled with nothing but silence. We had made a good distance on the road, but we still weren't out of state. During my entire eighteen years of living, I had never left Ellsdore. We had everything we needed in town. But seeing everything now, I'm realizing how much I had missed.

"Baby, are you alright?" Luka said to me, his hand never moved off my thigh, occasionally, like right now, he would rub small circles of reassurance.

"I've never been better." I smiled at him.

"You're not regretting your decision?"

"No, should I ?" I asked, growing worried.

"No, no, you're fine. Don't worry, I would never let you get hurt." He said.

"Then no, I'm not regretting it." My worry disappeared as his circles grew in a faster, more rhythmed movement.

"Why are you doing this Baby?" He asked suddenly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I said in return.

He didn't answer for a minute. The soft hum of the rock song playing on the radio from my playlist and his hand on my thigh made me recall how much I knew about Luka. He and I had just started to communicate last week, and here I was, on the road to some other state across the country like I had known him my whole life. And I had begun to realize that he was such a mystery.

No one really knew anything about Luka Reid. They knew enough to know that he wasn't a good kid. I didn't know his life story. I knew nothing about his family.

"Luka," I said. "Tell me about yourself please."

"Baby, you don't need to know anything. You will find everything out eventually. You and I are two completely new people." He looked at me for half a second. "Our past is behind us."

"I just don't know who you are, Luka," I say disappointed.

"I'm your escape, Baby. That's all I need to be." He smiled. "Get some rest, you look tired."

I couldn't fall asleep. I would have the dreams, and I couldn't deal with Luka being beside me while I get scared. He didn't need to see that part of me just yet.

"I'm not tired." I lied instead.

"Is everything okay?" Of course, he caught on. He could read me like his favorite book. 

"Everything is just fine. Never been better." It took everything not to crumble completely. I couldn't cry, it showed weakness. It showed too much emotion. I had worked my entire life to overcome my emotions.

"It's okay to be upset Baby. You just left everything you have ever known." He said. "It's normal."

"I wanted to leave Luka.  My whole life, I have wanted nothing more than to leave. And I have absolutely no intention of going back." I told him truthfully.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I really needed to leave. I didn't feel at home. A home is a place where you felt safe and loved. I lived in a house. I didn't want just a house. I wanted a home.

"Look at that Baby. The moon is happy for you." He smiled, pointing to the moon.

It was bright. It lit of the sky creating a beautiful blue hue. That was a Luka thing to say. Just because it wasn't alive didn't mean it couldn't feel. In his eyes, everything had feelings. And the moon was happy for me.

I was happy. I had finally felt at peace. I didn't know where I was going to sleep. I didn't know what I was going to eat. One final thought occurred to me.

"I don't ever want to go back, Luka." I smiled. A real smile. And he smiled back.

"You and I Baby. Forever. I promise."

Luka made promises a lot. Even when he knew he couldn't keep them. In school he was made out to be cruel and everything short of bad. But seeing him in the moonlight, so incredibly vulnerable made me wonder why he kept the title.

I didn't know Luka. He was still a stranger. Someone who was a complete mystery. Luka was like the mist. You can't see through him. You have to take a leap of faith and journey through. You never knew what you were going to come across.

I didn't know what time it was. I was tired. I didn't want to be awake. But I knew I couldn't sleep.

"Luka, how far are we to the next town?" I asked finally.

"A few minutes. Why? Are you tired Baby?"

"Yeah. I am." I answered, rubbing my eyes.

"Okay, we can pull in to the next motel. Are you hungry?" He smiled.

"No, I'm just really tired." After I said that my phone dinged.

Where are you?

Scrolling down I saw that I had hundreds like it. Most from my dad and other members of the family. Rose messaged me a few times asking about a dress she wanted. Of course, she didn't ask where I was at. She didn't care. She wasn't my friend.

I decided I didn't want to reply. I didn't want them to worry, but eventually, I'd tell them I'm okay.

I rolled down my window without thinking. The only thing going through my head at that moment was how free I felt. I was away from everyone who ever held me down. I was free from all my burdens. And it was then that I realized I didn't need to tell them if I'm okay or not. They had never bothered to ask when I was with them.

I pulled out my cigarettes and lit one. The smoke hitting my lungs. I had never felt at home. Anywhere I lived, it was just a house. But there, on the road with Luka, I had finally truly felt at home.

"This is to freedom. This is happiness. This is to you and me," I threw my phone out the window. "And that was my chain breaking free."