Five Blue Birds

Death By Date - Noah

It's been a day since my sister got murdered, I wish I didn't do it. But now, whenever I look down at my hands all I can see is them stained red with her blood. Her young, still so full of life soul was just stuck wandering among st the woods with James now. Mason seems close to death is anything, and the girls are of no help. I looked back in the mirror of the small cabin bathroom. Dark circles have sooner than later crept underneath my eyes, leaving their whispers of my soon to be demise. I've thought about killing her ever since we reached this cabin, I just, I don't know why. I guess I wanted something refreshing in my life for once. Like a sip of cooling lemonade on the beach her and I had so many years ago. My eyes looked blood shot- like I'd been drinking all night. I hope she forgives me, I can't live with myself now. 

I guess it all started a few years ago, when my dad died, leaving my mom alone. It woke up a part of me I hadn't known had existed, and the hole just kept growing, sucking me into it's painful grasp of the void, draining every last drop of energy my child-frail like self had held. I guess a part of me did blame Naomi for what happened to my father, he was driving to pick her up from a birthday party when it happened. His car crashed. 

When we came to this secluded woods in the cabin, the hole just grew more and more intense, and the storm gave me perfect cover. I had originally bought the killer medication for myself, to use at the end of the trip, leaving without a trace. But, once James died here with Emilia on his lookout, I couldn't stand myself anymore and just needed an outage. Most people won't understand why I did it, I'm guessing, but now the guilt is overwhelming me. I have no other choice. I had locked myself in the bathroom ever since her death, two days ago, or was it one? I don't even remember anymore. A few times I'd let the others in, but other than that I stayed.

I looked me up and down in the mirror, the echoing whispers of incoherent thoughts rampaging through my mind like a small parade. "You killed her, Your own sister, she's young, she's dead, she's gone, and it's all because of you." 

Although I did kill Naomi, I honestly have no clue what happened to James, and the lingering pain of his death with no departure just rips into my heart day by day. I had liked James, too bad he never had the chance to know. Maybe I'll meet him someday again, maybe he might like me back..

"You are such an idiot, idiot idiot!" I screamed at myself in the mirror, I don't know what the others were doing because I hadn't interacted with them since her death. The death I had caused.

"I could kill you with a knife!" I yelled at myself in the mirror, my reflection just staring with blood shot eyes back at me. "Or, drown you for what you did!" I lashed at myself, but the mirror just stood still. Not alive, soon like me. "You don't deserve to live!" I wrangled with the will to live, and the will to die, I would leave the others here, alone. With the storm on the outside, waging in, or I could leave, ever so simply. With the motion of a handgun or a grenade.

The hard, cold tiles were some of the only reality that were left in my mind in that moment, hard against my shoes, and dragging me further and further into the grasp of the earth which once surrounded me, and surround me again, soon.

"Why, Why, Why!" The chocking pain soon overtook me and the needles crept up into my throat, vividly crushing my wind pipes, and instead replacing them with crushing sobs.

The storm just continued to live on the outside, seemingly weeping for us, and what we have lost. James, and Naomi. Naomi and James. Me? Me? No, I shouldn't. It was so simple, It was there. The thought kept repeating itself in my mind. "You don't deserve to live, you don't deserve to live." Naomi, forgive me, forgive me, stop this torture! My mind became all wrangled with thoughts, each trying to scream louder than the other until all I could hear were the voices in my head. 

It was like I was in a room with over a thousand people, all shouting at me to do something, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. "Please, Please!" I begged, I screamed, I yelled. "TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO!" The voices just continued to chatter, louder and louder and louder.

"Stop!" I tried yelling back at them, but the nagging pain in my throat kept rising up like a tide wave dragging me in for fresh kill. Suddenly a new thought replaced these incoherent murmurs.

"What was it like to die?" Would it be painless, painful, the same fate that I had brought about my very own sister. Or the same fate that brought James to his knees, bowing down before who?

Suddenly I thought of my mom at home, and what she would think if this happened to me, or what she would think about me if I ever told anyone the truth. I didn't see myself anywhere but lost in a spiral of overwhelming thoughts and staircases in a few years, so what would the point of anything be at this rate?

The murmuring of the voices soon raised, and the void growing inside of me engulfed me in it's presence. The sickening darkness of it all was much too awful, and I had already made my growing with reason, choice.

Naomi Forgive me, if I ever see you again.

The rain was ruthlessly telling me to take them. The pills, the very ones that had clawed my sister to her soon forgotten death. I wonder if I would ever be forgotten, I hoped not.

Some part of me, death within me, told me that I wouldn't be, that someone would always remember. But the downside is, they would remember what I had done. How did I want to be remembered? The coward, the murderer of his own sisters blood, or just for Noah.

I quickly engulfed two of the pills that had been the very reason for Naomi's death. Planted by me. Maybe it's best if they never knew, I managed to reason with myself carefully dreading the moment they would find out what truly had happened that day.

My hand just simply put two pills in my mouth before it started.

And it ended just the same way,

Just the same way Naomi had died moment before.