Life

Chapter 1

Cecilia's pov...
Oh my god I'm so tired, I don't know how much longer I can take this. I am having a HUGE conflict with myself, this was usual for me but this was debating life or death. "IM SO SICK OF LIFE" I screamed. I'm so glad I'm home alone cause usually when my parents leave the house it puts a lot less pressure on me. Everyday I hear my mom yelling at me, I try my best to block it out but some words really hurt. Oh and how could I forget about the one and only... School. School is the one place where people can really make you wish you were never born. School is complete shit and should be a decision, school is living hell. As quoted "if you do something right no one remembers, if you do something wrong no one forgets." -quote by Stephen King.

Basically I've been plotting my death since the beginning of 6th grade, I have so many suicidal problems and hospital bills that I don't know how I'm not in an mental instatution. But this death I've full on thought out, the day, how I die, what letters I'll write to who, and who I actually decided to care about. Lately I've lost so much blood it's a miracle I'm still alive. I went to the bathroom to find me pain and pain reliever, my blade, I pick it up and look at it for a second then I slowly drag it across my wrist. As I see blood coming out I slice at my wrist again, after about 15 cut on my right and left wrist I decided to be done. I washed off my fresh cuts and made a note to myself that so far I have not had one clean day. I just can't stop it's like and addiction now, I am now fighting a war with myself and I fear I have already lost. Today on the bus my 'best friend' who doesn't know I cut or have life issues and I quote told me to "not go all emo and start cutting." I really wish she knew but she is the biggest snitch in the world, I could never trust her. I hid the blade back in the back of the cabinet and put my sweat shirt back on. As I in a fast pace walked back to my room I started to wonder what I would do if anyone found out about how I cut or how I've attempted suicide multiple times. I don't care if my friends find out cause like 4 of my friends already know but there is one girl I don't want to find out. Amber. She is the same girl that tells me not to go emo and start cutting. There's two things she needs to know 1. Just because a person cut it doesn't make them emo, and 2. If only she knew the hard truth, I cut.
-------The next day------
Cecilia's pov (again)
I'm done already I'm not even at school yet, I'm only on the bus. The reason I'm already done is because there are two people that are just bitches to me on the bus, Amber (who I sit next to), and Richard. They annoy me to where I'm at the point where I want to break a window and jump. Amber keeps talking shit about other people and complaining about life whereas Richard taunts me and says that I should go and die. I hate life.
****skip bus ride****
My first period class is reading and L.A. usually I zone out or block out the teachers voice. Then as I'm getting yelled at for my grades dropping in every class I want to badly either kill myself or the teacher right then and there. I finally decide to listen for the last five mins of class when I realize my name is being called. "Cecilia do you have your project done because it's your turn to present. I was put on the spot, at that point I was craving pain, I Needed my blade. The teacher pushed me into the front of the class room as all eyes were on me I wanted to die over and over again. As I started to present I felt all eyes watching me. I got so nervous that I almost threw up my anxiety was terrible at this point and I felt really dizzy, then all I saw was black.
After what seemed like days the bell to leave finally rang, I smelled something really awful and I was determined to find out what it was. Then I realized I was in a hospital room. Finally it all came back to me I was presenting I front of the class and I blacked out. When I got home I heard my parents arguing again but this was different it was about me, I decided to listen in to the conversation. "I'm starting to regret this" said my mom, "how can you regret adopting" screamed my father. I was heart broken I didn't know I was enough trouble for them to regret my existence, this is just sad. Ok its official I'm not gonna make it through the rest of the school year. Hmmm ok, I was contemplating on what day to attempt to commit suicide on. Today is December 13, 2014 so I should wait till January 13, 2015 (I think that's right) that gives me a month to plan out write letters and plan where, when, and how this is gonna happen. I know right now I sound really depressing, that's the same thing my friend said a year after she became my friend. I think my suicide attempt will be kind of selfish but making me live is even worse, I can picture the world without me now, some people wouldn't even notice. I hate people and I just have terrible anxiety which is another reason why I have very few friends. Ok wait I keep getting side tracked... I think my suicide date is very convenient because 1. I won't make it to my birthday. 2. It will be a new year, 3. I will no longer suffer from life.