What You Can't See

Chapter Eighteen (18)

[ If it sounds familiar; hint: Chapter Thirty Two ]

Owens p.o.v

Its been four days.

Four days since Ive been home, and four days since I have wanted to go home.

I was silent, mute. I didnt talk to anybody, rarely. There was times where Lukas invited Brody over with a friend; Connor. But I didnt talk to any of them. I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my self pity.

Ill never be good for anybody. Thats what I was used to saying to myself.

Nobody will ever love me because of who I am. I was born to be nothing, nobody. I was born to kill myself at fifteen years old, only to have someone save me. I was supposed to die in the locker room, naked and gibbled, only to have the one I loved save me from death.

I wrapped my hands tightly around the cords of life, knowing that I might have nothing else to live for if I wake up, but I just wanted to get one glance, one goodbye maybe. Then die.

Everybody in the house was out today, except me, I looked for anything sharp enough to puncture skin, but he had seemed to packed everything away, so I stuck to scratching. I scratched harshly on the side of my hip trying to break skin, it didnt help that Lukas clipped off my nails though. And it didnt help only one of my hands were functioning properly because the other was still in the stage of healing.

I sat at his desk, twirling around in his chair. I searched all around his room, being a snoop and creeping inside his closet. It was small, with lots of clothes and in the back was a box, a shoe box much like the on he made for me. I pulled it out carefully, sitting on the floor and tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. I dont have my hearing aid either, which had things slightly challenging.

Taking the lid off the box, I picked up the first thing I came into contact with, a picture. It was of Lukas yes, you could tell because of his flaming red hair, but he was standing beside another person, a guy... A man? He looked in his twenties, maybe twenty-five, maybe older. He had his hands wrapped around Lukas' waist, smiling widely at the camera, Lukas doing the same.

"He was studying to be a teacher in college." I jumped, dropping the image back into the box. "Ha-ha, sorry. Didnt mean to scare you." Lukas smiled, coming up to sit next to me, scuffling through the box. "I havent opened this in so long." He sighed, grabbing a picture. "His family was Catholic, Roman Catholic." He picked up a picture of himself and the guy in a mirror. The guys dark brown hair shining as his green eyes sparkled as he looked at Lukas, who was taking the picture while the guy did his hair. "James Gurden." He mumbled, picking up another. "Our relationship was so good, I mean perfect. His parents lived out of state, he was living in an apartment, alone. I could go over there if something happened at school." He sighed, almost dreamily.

"I guess you could say things started to change when he left to see his family." He frowned, "I would text him, he would text me back going straight to the point if I had a question, or he wouldnt reply at all really. I felt like he was breaking up with me, but he told me he wouldnt before because he loved me, I was his first, and he was mine. You know?" I nodded understanding, I didnt say a word, I only let him continue. "So when he came back, we you know..." He looked up at my smiling, "Had sex, but... I felt like he wasnt there, so I asked him whats wrong, and he didnt really say anything, he just turned around." His lips pushed out, "The emotion that was supposed to be held in our activity wasnt there, we used to be able to go for ever, but he just ended so quickly. I was fifteen-sixteen at the time and he was twenty-two." He nodded, "I told my mom and he didnt, so whenever his family came over I wasnt a loud to be there, or I had to lie. Even with my hair, I had to wear a wig or something." He rolled his eyes.