rainbow boy - minsung

falling

falling - harry styles 

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everyone was quiet to gather a reaction. minho showed little to no emotion on his face to read. chris just paced and put his hands on his head in overwhelming anger. hyunjin stood off to the side now and emma looked at me with apologetic and guilty green eyes.

chris turns to his sister.

"emma is this true?"

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i felt guilty at how it was emma that was put on the spot and not me. she gave me one last whisper of "i'm sorry, jisung." before standing from comforting minho to admit that...

"yea. it is. but please let me explain-"

"jisung are you fucking kidding me!? where on this damn planet is your right to do something like this? and i'm sorry but my sister? han i trusted you to protect her and love her! i'm leaving soon and i gave you one job. one FUCKING JOB, JISUNG. and you're walking around telling lies because you're embarrassed you're gay. which, THAT. that right there. is the stupidest shit i have EVER heard. did i throw minho or felix to hell for liking guys?! so why the fuck would you have been any different. you can't change being gay and i know that for a fact, but you can change your selfish attitude and try again later. " chris raged at me like a wolf ready to pounce. he was the alpha here and it was obvious i had done something. he had me leaned up against the wall for a minute too. and it reminded me of when hyunjin had beat me up. 

"emma explain in the car. i need to hear your part of this. we're leaving." chris took emma's hand and she looked back to me but the door shut before i could say anything else. which is funny, actually. i say that as if i have said anything at all. 

i sighed and turned around. hyunjin was still leaning against the wall further down and looking to me with his gaze. but another set of eyes had met me too. they were softer, closer, and full of tears. 

minho stood there all confused, and heavily saddened by all he had just heard. it was a quiet stare for a minute before i made any attempt to speak. i made a speed walk toward minho and attempted to give him  a comforting hug. but he moved back as if he didn't want it. 

"don't touch me, jisung!" he yelled. his eyes were glassy water wells and tears just kept rolling down his cheeks. i wanted to kiss him and wipe them away , but he didn't even want me in proximity with him at all. i sighed and looked back to him. 

" are you really embarrassed of me...?" the crying boy asked. and it hurt. my heart was stabbed earlier but it felt like i had no heart now. i truly was a heartless person. 

"i- i was but minho listen i-"

"no. jisung see, you think everything can be fixed so fast with some pixie dust but it can't. not having you to truly love me and thinking all those kisses were fake and that sleeping with you was some stupid fucking 'no homo' moment you speak of was painful as hell. and you don't get it do you. how much i truly love you cause, fuck jisung. you were everything i ever wanted to make me happy. you're gorgeous and sweet and love my family but the fact that you don't love me back because you'd be embarrassed? are you serious!?" minhos eyes turned to a sob and he walked closer. more pain and stuttering in the way he spoke to me. 

"jisung i wanted to kiss you every damn minute and love you even more but i knew you supposedly had emma so i kept all my feelings trapped away only to find out i'd been falling for a liar! and this hurts jisung. it really fucking hurts. but you will NEVER understand will you?! " he pushed my chest back a bit on the word 'never'. his palms just pushing me away as i did to him.

"because you never truly loved me... did you." his sobs were loud and hurtful. his face was a cherry red and his eyes looked like they could never run out of tears to cry. and i felt so guilty in this moment to see that one person who i really thought i did care for in absolute pain right in front of me.

"minho i... " i couldn't finish my sentence at all. i truly had no words to express how sorry i was but he was right. pixie dust and a day or two wouldn't be able to fix this all as i had hoped it would. 

"you're speechless, right? because you keep it all inside jisung. sometimes i just wish you'd open your fucking mouth. cause at some point you have a lot of explaining to do for all this damage you've caused. because i don't forgive you right now. " minho looked into my eyes for another few moments when he spoke, the longer he looked at me the more pain he felt and tears would poor. 

"because i'm just an embarrassment to you aren't i, han jisung? " minho stepped away from in front of me and left in a sobbing break down that you could hear him through the metal door. 

it was at this point i realized i had no body... chris hated me, minho was ashamed , emma had to tell the truth. and hyunjin was approaching me. he put his hand on my shoulder. "congratulations, han jisung. you've just created a whole kind of stupidity for yourself haven't you?" he had a serious tone before patting my shoulder once and walking away and out the door. 

the hall way was quiet and i was alone. shaken from all that had gone on i couldn't hold it in any more. my heavy body full of stones had fell to the floor in a sob. i screamed a bit too and i was shocked no body heard me and came down the hall. i mean, they would probably just turn around and leave knowing it was me anyways.

cause i was just han jisung. someone that i don't even want around.