Book Reviews

5. Entangled

These reviews were done by Jasmine and Khala

Title: Entangled

Author: Kamilah90

Review was done by Jasmine

🔴 Writing Style

⭐️= 0.20

🔴 Grammar and Punctuation

⭐️ = 0.20

🔴 Dialogue

⭐️= 0.20

🔴 Cover

⭐️⭐= 0.40

🔴 Summary

⭐️⭐⭐= 0.60

Jasmine's Total = 1.60

Writing style: the story has a good basis, meaning the idea seems like a good start. The story itself feels like your rushing us to the next scene all too quickly and since the story lacks description and detail that would help in pacing it, it makes me feel like it's being torn into sections and stuck back together. The main character is likable and caring and shown as strong-willed, but that's about it. She is not as fleshed out as she should be. We have no facial or bodily descriptions of Amina, so she is a blank face with a name to us readers now. One can see that she has some past traumas, but that is not defined and or described, it is only shown through a series of quick paragraphs and short and very vague flashbacks that do nothing to further the plot anymore that it has.

Structurally the story does not flow properly, at all. The series of events happen in fine order, but it lacks descriptive language that would paint a picture of the ongoing scenes in the story. It lacks the scenery in the story and is not well-paced. Some parts of the story were illogical, like the fact that they only had a hundred soldiers. What? No grand nation with a powerful King has such an insignificant number of soldiers. That would need to be remedied to at least a few thousand. Correct me if I am wrong about this, but it is unclear, so you should please make it clear in the story, by adding in details to explain what is properly going on, it won't take away from the story unfolding, it will build it up. Do not feel afraid to explain something. Remember we do not know what you plan to do with this story, so we need to be told nearly everything that you'd want us to know as readers. You do not have to info dumb all the details to the point where it feels one is reading a wiki page, but add some in and spread it about the story in an appropriate fashion. Don't fear writing in properly detailed flashback scenes of terror when it comes to Amina thinking back to the first war that terrorized their Land.

The actions and movements of the characters are not spoken of. One would want to see the characters interacting, whether it is a touch of the faces or panic dancing in their eyes or swear beading on their forehead and them biting their lips and or gripping onto the arm of a sibling or otherwise. These things are not present and they need to be so the reader can properly visualize the words written on the page.

Sometimes I notice that there are missing words from a sentence or paragraph, you should watch out for that and carefully go over your work and edit it as frequently as needed. A story is never fully perfect the first time around. There are also wrong tenses used in almost every line, and you mix up your plural and singular words a lot. I don't get it, he's angry without us knowing fully why. Let there be more details and in my opinion, I think this story should be in third person narrative, where the narrator(the writer) explains everything, and the characters are detailed more and the scenes are also. The first-person narrative is proving to be very hard to do in this story, it may seem easy, but with a story like this, that holds many characters, it doesn't seem to work well enough.