Summer Girl || A Shourtney Story

.11 feel my unconditional

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Breonna Taylor, who would have turned 27 yesterday. Please donate, vote, protest and amplify Black voices. BLM is not a moment, it is a movement. #SayHerName

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The words spilled out of my mouth faster than I could process.

"When we started at Smosh together, we got close very quickly, and it was easy for me to understand why. I've always admired the way you listen to your friends, your passion for creating, and your humor. But, I don't know..." I trailed off momentarily, observing his reaction.

His eyes widened, but he didn't tell me to shut up. Much to my surprise, he urged me to continue. "Go on," he encouraged.

I took a deep breath. "I guess somewhere along the way I started to let my mind wander about what it would be like if things were different between us. But I think it's pretty obvious to see that I might have taken it too far in my head. I'm not going to apologize for the way I feel because I think you're amazing. But now knowing that you feel that way for someone else, I think it will take me a little longer than expected to get back to where we used to be," I finished. "I just really don't want to lose you in the process."

"Wait," he said, looking at me quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"I just need some time to get over you, that's all. I know it's uncomfortable to hear. I'm sorry." My hands grew clammy as I fidgeted with the edge of my fingernail nervously.

"What?!" he exclaimed, louder this time. "Get over me? Like, romantically?"

I nodded, a feverish feeling overtaking both my physical and mental state. In the strangest turn of events, I heard a few stray chuckles from Shayne. It escalated quickly into a startling, body-shaking laugh that had him clutching his sides to try to maintain composure.

I furrowed my brow angrily. "What the fuck? I'm trying my best here, dude."

"No no no no," he said a little too quickly as he tried to catch a breath. His unwavering ear-to-ear grin still plastered his face. The ever-present twinkle in his eye remained. "I just – I needed to say something. And I wasn't expecting that at all."

Well, I shit the bed on that one. I crossed my arms expectantly. "What?"

"Oh man," he began, taking a deep breath. "So the other night, Olivia and I talked for a while, and we got to the subject of you."

Ugh. She must have accidentally let something slip. I was going to kill her unless I died of embarrassment first. The latter seemed like the most likely option at the moment.

After a beat, he continued with his eyes staring deeply into my own. "Not about what you said – about me. And us."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Maybe it was something about our rough patch caused by my irrational decision to avoid him like the plague. I shuddered at the thought.

"As she was saying goodbye, she made some offhand comment about me and Kimmy flirting, which was way off-base. When I questioned it, she said that you were avoiding me because of it. I literally almost lost it because you are singlehandedly one of the most important people in my life. "

My heart soared a little higher, but I pushed those feelings back down. My head still felt scrambled. "What are you trying to say?"

"Court, I've never tried to hide how I feel about you. I've dated other people in the past, but when things started to get serious, my heart always went back to you. At first, we had those dumb Defy contracts, so it was easy to make excuses to ignore those feelings. But once Defy was out of the picture, I felt like I couldn't tell you how I really felt. It seemed too late. So I settled for being your best friend because, I figured, if I could be a big part of your life in any way I would be happy." He paused to gather his thoughts.