Missing

Rochelle

ROCHELLE

The windy days of May, brushed through my coils and the curls of the beautiful girls, who was superstars in school. I was so happy the school year was almost over. A junior in a broken school in a broken neighborhood. No one really took us seriously because we lived in the tough parts of Philadelphia. The cops always showed up 40 to 45 mins late to any given situation. Sometimes, they just wouldn't show up at all. So, we stuck together no matter what. Even when the petty girls, who disliked each other because they didn't look good enough, or because someone "took their man". There would never be peace in the hood. It's just how it had to be, I guess. Me and my best friend, Seltela, cruised our way to the school yard, taking our sweet time since there was no rush to get to an empty school. We took all our tests, we were passing, we were on the honor roll list. Top of our class. So, everyone in our class called us the "nerds" of the class. Believe it or not, I was proud of that title. I was educated, I knew my limits and I damn sure wasn't gonna let anyone get in the way of my dreams. Seltela, the popular nerd, is the girl who was always there for me. She was there for every fight I was forced into, every tear that fell down my face, to the lies I had to endure. She was like a hero in my eyes. She was just a beautiful person, inside and out. She wanted to get along with everyone because she didn't like confrontation. She called every girl beautiful and called every guy handsome. She wanted everyone to love themselves and one another. She the person none of us deserved, not even the world. I always tried to tell her not to carry the world on her shoulders, and not to take on other peoples' problems, but she insisted – "I need to do this, because what if they have no one at all at home or anywhere? Some people may be angry, because of all the demons they are fighting. I know if I was in their shoes, I would want someone in my corner. We can't judge anyone. Who are we to judge anybody? We are just strangers in a strange world." She was right. Every time she got on me for saying anything ill about anyone, she would grab my hand and smile, "Stop it Rochelle. That's enough out of you." Flipping her stiff afro. Fixing her flower crown, she wore every damn day. She seen herself as part of the earth. "If I ever pass away, I want to become one with the soil, with mother earth." See why I say we don't deserve someone like her? She's so pure. At one point, I confessed my love for her. Surprisingly, she kissed me on my lips, and hugged me. She just accepted it. She accepted me. "I love everyone Rochelle, you know that." Since that day, we were inseparable. She never judged me, she never tore me down about my feelings, even when she knew I was bisexual. She was always by my side. That's just the friendship we had, understanding and love. Seltela lost her mother at a young age – 7 to be exact. Her mother threw herself from a off coast bridge. Her mother was suffering from mental illness and was fighting it since she was in her teenage years. She went through mental and physical abuse, and never back from that. Seltela understood, and never blamed anyone, not even her mother's abuser. "Some people just must realize what they did wrong, where they went wrong. They have a past they have to face. It's a fight." Somehow though, I could feel her emotions through her words. Like she's holding everything back at face value. It's okay, one day, she'll be able to release.

Today would be the day that completely changed my life, however. Not just for me, but for my best friend as well. She had nothing to do with my situation, yet she somehow got dragged into it. It's my fault. It's all my fault.

Me and Seltela walked into the school yard, ready for this day to be over already. I'm constantly, dreading coming to this school. I always deal with bullshit every single day. These females always have a problem with me, rather it be about my hair, my clothes or just the fact that I'm breathing. They always have an issue with me. I've told my dad countless times, but it's not much he can say or do. He always says, "If your mom was here –", like I really need to hear that. My mom bailed on us when I was 12, she just didn't want to be a mother anymore apparently. One day, she just got up, packed up some clothes and was gone. It's a damn shame honestly. Whenever I comment on it, my dad gives me a look of disgust. I know he loves her, but she just up and left us! I could never respect her, NEVER! She broke my father's heart and left me behind without a mother. My dad can't help me with everything. Which is understandable because he is a man. When I had my first period, he freaked out and just bought a bunch of tampons and wished me luck. He stood outside the bathroom door and looked up information online of how to use a tampon. Coaching me on how to use it and how to care for myself during my period. He tried, and I respect that. Our relationship has been rocky since she left, but we do associate with each other more since I got older. I don't want him to think I don't care about him; I'm just lost with my mom. I just don't know how to tell him and I'm sure it's the same vice versa. I trust he is handling the situation the best way he can now, but I can always see the sadness in his eyes. He's a great father, I just don't know how to handle any of this.

Me and Seltela finally reached the third floor of the building, we immediately walked into the girl's bathroom. Seltela walked to the mirror and began picking out her fro. "Girl, don't you think you did enough to that hair? Your hair gonna start falling out with that damn comb." She looked at me through the reflection of the mirror and made a kissy face, she placed the pick down and took out a water bottle and started spritzing her hair, "My hair has to be watered like a flower, it's upkeep is important baby girl. I told you, you should start taking better care of your hair, it'll grow faster and longer."

"I don't care about all that." I walked up to the mirror, bumping her hip with my butt. "My hair is beautiful just the way it is, I don't need to put all that extra stuff in my hair." I pulled at my coil and it came out, laying in between my fingers. I just tossed it to the floor. "Hmm, maybe that's a sign." Seltela picked up her pick and walked out the girl's bathroom. I looked in the mirror and began pulling at my coils again, and each coil I pulled at, fell out and fell on the floor. I just rolled my eyes and walked towards the bathroom door. Before I could even exit, these two mean girls Yanique and Glo walked in the bathroom, standing an inch before me. "Wassup bitch, is there a problem? Why you just staring in my fucking face?" Yanique placed her two fingers on my forehead and pushed my head back with a little force. Glo, as the follower that she is, begins giggling under her breath. I just bumped in between them and walked out the bathroom, slamming the bathroom door behind me. I exhaled and began walking to my science class. On the way there, I saw my crush. He was drinking from the water fountain, but I didn't want to come between that. I always get butterflies whenever I see him. I've known him since the 1st grade, but I never approached him on how I felt. I know a lot of girls in the school want him, so I never told him how I felt. I'm sure he would never be interested in me, so I just looked away. As I turned around though, I heard a familiar voice; "Yo, Rochelle! Wassup girl!?" I turned around and it was my friend Robin. He came running down the hallway, calling my name. An instant smile came over my face. He has always been a great friend, always upbeat and always smiling. His energy is literally what keeps me going every day.