MATCHMAKER || K.TH ♕

⤿ 27 | butterflies !

i bit my lip harshly to prevent any tears from forming. i reread the email over and over again to make sure i was reading it right.

"other applicants were better suited."

"other applicants."

"better suited."

"we are declining to move forward with your application."

"we are declining."

"declining."

i felt a knot at my throat and my eyes were stinging as i read these words repeatedly. i gritted my teeth as i switched off my phone and let my hand which was holding the phone drop down to the side of my body.

my head hung low as i fought hard to hold in my tears.

don't cry, park jimin.

it was so hard to abide to those four words. i tried swallowing that invisible knot at my throat but to no avail, my nails dug into my phone screen before my entire hands just clenched around my phone.

this was the 47th time i've been rejected.

why is it so hard?
am i not good enough?
why am i never good enough for anybody no matter how hard i practice?

i should've ate lesser.
all my dance coaches always tell me that weight affects the way you dance. the lighter you are, the easier i would be able to execute moves and i would be able to dance better.

why didn't i listen?
maybe i should cut down to a cheese sausage per meal.

is that too much though?

i started asking myself questions on why i'm not good enough, why i'm being constantly rejected over and over again, and why no one would take me in.

i spent 15 minutes just gripping my phone harshly. i wanted to scream, to cry, but i couldn't.

i waited two months for the results.
regardless of my past rejections, i kept hoping and hoping that this may just...be the one.

but i was wrong.

maybe...just maybe...

this is a sign that i should just give up.

i sighed as i shook my head harshly as i try to make my expression look like nothing happened.

i couldn't let jinhee know, i wouldn't.

i don't want to worry another friend about a stupid, meaningless problem of mine. that would be really selfish of me.

i slowly made my way back towards the room where jinhee was in as forced myself to put on a normal-looking expression.

i'm okay, i'm okay.

i entered the room where jinhee was and i noticed that she was about to stand up. she looked startled to see me for a second before her expression went back to normal.