Society Says // Seungin

~Twelve~

::::

Yang Jeongin:

Day 15

Unlike Seungmin, I'm not staying so positive. I mean I was, and then everything started going down hill. Again.

I thought cutting Seungmin out of my life would reduce my chances of fading faster. And it was working at first. But five days later of no contact with him, and I'm fading faster again.

Which I don't understand! Maybe, things have changed since the first person, and I am on track. That, or I'm ahead again. Could it be stress? But I don't even know if I'm that stressed anymore now that I've come to terms that this is really happening.

I can't bare to tell my friends about it. Seeing how crushed they were when I told them I was fading was painful enough, if they figure out I'm gonna die earlier than expected, they might explode.

I finally sat in the cafeteria again with the rest of my friends. It's not like I had the choice, though. It's starting to get colder outside, so the courtyard is closed.

To my advantage, Seungmin and I haven't even made eye contact the while I've been sitting back at the table. I guess he took the hint I don't want to talk to him.

Well...I do want to talk to him. So badly. But I can't let my mind follow my heart. I know more people say to follow your heart than mind, but I need my mind to know I'm over him.

Even if I'm not.

I carefully ate my lunch, praying my hand won't glitch and I'll drop my food. It was nacho day at school, and I LOVE nacho day!

When worst comes to worst, and believe me it has, at least I have my nachos.

As I was chatting with my friends, Seungmin was nowhere to be found. A part of me wanted to ask if anyone knew where he was, but the other part knew I shouldn't act like I care. So, I kept my mouth shut.

Luckily, someone asked for me.

This action was done by Minho, "Does anyone knows where Seungmin is?"

Everyone shrugged, and I just stayed silent. I can't even acknowledge a conversation about him. It'll make me weak.

And then he came barging into the cafeteria.

He looked like a mess. His hair was knotted and unstyled, he was basically wearing pajamas, and he looks like he hasn't slept in a week. I felt a guilt bomb drop in my stomach, knowing this is probably because of me.

But yet, I ignored him.

My mind is screaming at me to say something. Comfort him, ask what's wrong, and just help.

"Hey, what happened?" Chan asked in a soft tone, not wanting to upset him even more.

Seungmin didn't answer him. Instead, his next moves shocked me. He slammed his hands on the table right in front of me, and looked right into my eyes.

My heart started pounding. Now I know this is definitely because of me.

"What did I do?!" He yelled, causing the whole cafeteria of students to stare. "I didn't do anything wrong, why are you acting like I don't exist!"

I looked away from him, and scanned the room. All eyes were on us, and it made me super uncomfortable.

"Answer me!" He then shouted, regaining my attention.

Then I caved. "I-I'm sorry! I thought that if we didn't talk, it would help the both of us stay alive a bit longer."

It scared me when he didn't look like he understood.

Seungmin began yelling again, "Well it's not! I've been fading faster because I'm stressed out about losing you!"

My face went blank. This whole time, I thought I was helping the both of us. And turns out, I was only making it worse.

So there really is nothing I can do to stop this.

I didn't say anything else. I pulled him into a hug, and I felt him loosen up. I know I shouldn't be doing this. But, it's time I listened to my heart for once. Cause listening to my mind has gotten me nowhere.

"I'm so sorry," I repeated, "I won't ignore you anymore."

Even though I couldn't see his face, I could tell he was smiling.

"I tried to control my need to see you by playing music, but that can only work to an extent," He confessed.

I didn't answer, I just continued to hug my friend, letting him know I'll be here for him from now on.

Maybe that's all we need.