Society Says // Seungin

~Four~

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Yang Jeongin:

Day 7

It's almost been a week since I found myself fading, and all I've been feeling since then is scared and guilty.

Even it it's common for people to fade, I just never thought it would happen to me.

When I woke up Saturday morning, fear got sent throughout my spine because my whole right arm was gone. I went wide eyed, and I was about to panic, but then it reappeared.

Bullshit like that has been happening all week, and it honestly scares the crap out of me! It makes me think it's just gonna stay like that.

Then I got an idea. There's gotta be a website that says exactly how people fade. Weather it be a body part at a time, or just all at once.

So, I took out my laptop and went to google once again. Hopefully this search is more successful than the last one.

How do people fade?
Search

Instead of a list of websites coming up for me to scroll through, the answer automatically popped up on the screen.

When people are different, they fade away. When one fades away, their body parts will glitch from time to time, but will never fully disappear permanently. As one gets closer to their death, their whole body will start fading together, and the person will become more and more transparent until they are fully gone.

After reading, I blinked with surprise that it actually answered all my questions. I sense of relieve got sent throughout my body.

It made me feel even just slightly better, knowing I won't be walking around without an arm or something. Everything will stay on me, until it's time for me to go.

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After eating some breakfast, I properly got dressed for the first time in a bit. I've been going to school basically in pajamas since I found out I was fading, simply because I've been to depressed to do anything.

I've skipped my vocal lessons, I've barely done my school work, and I haven't gone out with my friends.

But while I was laying awake last night, I realized I need to make the most of my life while I can.

So, I threw on my shorts and a teeshirt, some sneakers, and decided to just go for a run around my neighborhood. I used to run when I needed to get things off my mind, so why not do it now?

It's not that hot out, and it's morning, so there shouldn't be many distractions. Occasionally, I would go on these runs with my dog, but I don't want to deal with him barking at wind blowing leaves and him thinking it's a squirrel.

I ran downstairs and found my phone, put it in my pocket and plugged in my earbuds, and hit shuffle on my playlist.

When I opened the front door of my house, I felt instant relief. It was a perfect mix of warm with a breeze outside, the sun continuing to rise made the color of the sky I mix of yellow and blue, the white clouds are moving along the sky, and you can hear the birds chirping up in a tree in my front yard. It was a beautiful morning.

I started running, and began my journey. After a minute or so, I passed the Spot. When me and my friends were in the seventh grade, that Starbucks was built and it was the most popular place in the neighborhood.

The nine of us would go there after school to do our homework and everyday we would each try a different drink till we have had everything on the menu, and that's when we decided what our favorites were.

Now, four years later, another Starbucks was built in a more crowded area. It's bigger, fancier, and since it's in a bigger place, more people go there. So basically everyone has abandoned this one, which is why we always have the place to ourselves. We would be crushed if it ever closed down.

I stopped to take a breath, as I just admired the outside of our favorite place. A bitter smile formed on my face, and then I continued to run.

After about a mile, I passed the school. Ah, high school. When I left middle school, I thought high school was going to be the best four years of my life. Parties, clubs, and new friends. It would have made me forget the twisted world we live in, and I would have felt normal for once.

But now, I won't even get to finish my third year. I can never go to college, and pursue my dream job of being a kindergarten teacher. I was really looking forward to being apart of hundreds of little kids lives.

I sighed, and decided to do another mile before I start my way home. It's almost been an hour, and my playlist is almost over anyway.

I wasn't planning on passing anything else that would make me emotional and nostalgic, but I did.

Seungmin's house. I forgot he lives around here.

We met in elementary school, much like the rest of my friends. But he was the first one I met. He would play kickball with me when nobody else would, he would sit with me at lunch and make me laugh so hard I almost choked.

And he was the one who's been with me the longest.

Maybe that's why I got these weird feelings for him. There's something different about him, something that just makes me want to love him with my whole heart.

I suddenly got the urge to knock on his door and just kiss him. It's taking all my self control not to. But if there's one thing I can do to stop this disappearing, it's to not kiss a boy.

After regaining my breath, I started to run back home. That was, until my leg started glitching and I fell face first onto the sidewalk.

"Ow! Jesus," I yelled when I made contact to the ground.

I guess I deserve that after fantasizing about kissing Seungmin. But that was painful!