How else should I be!

Part 3

A few days down the road...

All that every human wants is just a door to heaven, without a doubt we all know the path every step. So why does it seem so hard?All I try, I seem doomed. Feels like I'm destined to fail. Time doesn't seem to change anything. But sometimes in a blink all is changed. Stars in the sky millions of miles away have been believed to affect human lives in limitless ways. Everything I believed used to be determined by moral practices. Somehow I can't deny the way how things sometimes shape out of the ordinary.

June 25

As i look down that path i am choosing, i feel a part of me died. For all i know i lost my chance of eternal bliss. But i must not let my feelings affect my sense of judgement. Doing what's right by someone's side feel so hard. It feels like i am being strangled & i must give away my desire to live.I must live with it now, for someone's smile to blossom.

June 29

I have so much to say, but i believe no one is there to listen. So i began writing this endless journal. Words in a book serve as a means to look into the past. It's like keeping something safe.All my dreams, hopes and failures and a great disappointment are captured in the alphabet.Writing my heart out isn't as easy as it seems. I do want it to blossom into something bigger than myself. A few people read what i write. Every time someone reads a piece of my life, my blood rushes all through. Jotting down words about your intimacy with life and losing control of the scripts the world reads it, feels like giving up a part of who you are.

21:36 in the night

I got a lot of emotions running through me this moment. I don't want to ruin my one chance of happiness. Maybe just maybe, it will turn out all good. Through the wall, how can i ever know?How can i ever be sure? The alternate is betting all hopes in one hand. A gamble like no other.The path of making it all over is not a option. But the pain says, let it go, you have had enough forgone lifetime. I must follow, in what i know is the true path. After all what are we; not the ideas we believe in.

4th of July, 2017

My feet are on the ground yet my dreams reside in la-la land. Cherishing each day as it passes,every time the garden across eludes me. Maybe on the other side i shall have a glimpse of the truth. I could always show my heart out. What's the point in hiding from my true self? In all infinite possibilities, there will be one world somewhere in cosmos, where my madness makes sense. If somehow those cosmic worlds change places. That surely will bring a smile to my face.I promise to make better use of opportunities from now. I am starting straight into the moments Didn't grab. It was all this time there waiting but I just didn't realist. Now that I realist it, I feel too much time has passed by. I should have done something, something different. Why I didn't take the chance?