How else should I be!

Part 2

May 16

What has seemed to a blissful day in the morning turned out to be dreadful by the time sun hadset. Hope is an amazing thing. All I take is one sight and the heart leans back from the pit. And asimagination takes a mind to Eden, all is not lost. A possibility that "all will turn out just fine" nevervanishes. Yet I wonder why do many of us give up? How does one not realize that he, himself isthe agent of change? A new world is never too far. Every sunrise, the cycle starts afresh.

May 17

I feel like crying first time in a long time. After always doing everything right by my conscience whydo I feel, my existence is hollow. Why do I feel like I should stop caring? Do the selfish and easything. Indulge myself in a sin.Let me tell you something you should know, if you're reading this, I should have won today,or that day when I lost my spirit in my life. In the past I have disappointed myself to an extent that itcontinues to savage me still. I know I should let it go but, it only looks easy. It's like giving up a partof who you are.

May 25

After a brief moment of being in touch with what I feel, I realized there is still hope. I had given upon myself lately and presumably murdered my own spirit. The anger in me has been calm for toolong. I wonder if I should let my spirit finds its soul. My true form has been buried way backbeneath this mask.Is my appearance really who I am? Are we all just what we show to the world. Why is theway to salvation through hardships? When all in all we just was one peace.The deception of appearances has baffled me since my introduction to it. The idea what weappear to the outside world being out true existence.

May 29

I guess finally, in the end , your past catches up to you, I'm simmering inside, maybe my past ishaunting me after all.My demons i had thought to be got past, are still there, just a little out of sight.For all that is  in my heart, there are no words in my mouth.

June 1

I got a lot of regrets in my life, many things i wish i had done differently. The person i am today is aresult of many actions, many of which i look down in despair. Here in lies the irony, all those baddecisions have made me who i am today. They have shaped my thoughts and my perception.Maybe i have never truly realized the importance of something until i lost it forever. My idea of theworld and the logic that guides me is sighted from the life i idealized.My misery and misfortune is my own reckoning. All i can do now as i swim deep into the seais take an endless dip.

June 6

And as it turns out the irony in life comes back to oneself. From some past days i was overindulged in the etiquette one must have in speech. I thought it had attained control over my wordsbut, alas! It all went downhill. Well I do regret what I said. But there is this self-righteous side of methat allures me to stand by my words. Some part of me, wants to look the rising sun, that maybethis will make me more in control of myself. All can be done in this moment is slowly court thesilence of the long night.