complimentary colours • drarry •

1: harry

Tuesday 1st September 1998

Harry woke on the morning of his first day back at Hogwarts with a start and a racing heart. Wide awake, he squinted against the soft morning sunlight streaming through his window, he'd forgotten to close the curtains again. It was still early, the only sounds to be heard were the birds outside his window singing their morning chorus and the faint hum of cars, travelling to work.

The blurry images of his nightmare faded with every breath he took. He didn't try to remember them, happy to let them be lost along with the countless other dreams that had been haunting his sleep and causing the dark circles beneath his eyes. He resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn't be able to sleep in, like he'd hoped. On the rare occasion that he did get a full night's sleep, Harry always found himself in a better mood. Something he would have appreciated when having to return to a place where the memory of death followed him around every corner.

Despite his frequent inability to sleep, and subsequent lie ins, Harry liked the mornings. The tranquillity of his warm bed and the fuzziness of his head brought a numbness that he welcomed. Hermione said it was unhealthy, to lie in bed until noon. But it took him so long to shut his brain off and fall asleep that it was the only way he won't be exhausted the next day. He had no idea how Hermione did it. Though he suspected there was a certain amount of avoidance to confront her own feelings involved.

He had tried, at first. Tried distracting himself with the clean-up of the war, with the many trials he'd had to attend or the boring meetings that he had no place being a part of but people seemed to think he should be invited to. But there was only so much to do when you're a wizard with a hundred repairing and cleaning spells at your fingertips. Within a week Hogwarts had been just as it was before, as if nothing had happened at all. And so, slowly, as the fates were decided for the few remaining death eaters and the wizarding world went back to some semblance of normal, Harry went back to Grimmauld Place alone. The peace had been a relief at first, now it was just suffocating.

The only thing that kept him from wallowing completely in his misery was his friends. They were both managing to keep their heads up, maybe it was the support of their families or each other. Or maybe they were just stronger than he was. He hadn't visited the Burrow much; he could hardly look Mrs Weasley in the eye. He knew, logically, that he couldn't have saved Fred. But if he had just gone to Voldemort earlier... If he had just stopped fighting and fulfilled his purposed earlier, maybe there would still be seven Weasley children instead of six. Maybe Teddy would still have a mum and dad. And maybe his chest wouldn't feel like it was being crushed by the weight of the guilt.

The weight felt a little lighter that morning. Light enough that he was able to push back his duvet and get to his feet. Maybe it was the promise of seeing his friends, or maybe he was more excited to get back to school than he'd thought. He wandered through the hall and down the stairs, the soft patting of his feet hitting the floor echoing through the house. It was always quiet in 12 Grimmauld Place and though Harry had turned the lights on, there was a permanent dimness to the building that could not be brightened.

Ron and Hermione had offered to help him decorate the house to make it feel more homely, but he couldn't find the motivation. He didn't plan on staying there for long anyway, it was just a convenience for now. He had connected the building to electricity though. He didn't care if the wizarding world refused to use it, he wanted to watch TV when he got bored. Mr Weasley had been beside himself when he'd seen it.

When he reached the kitchen, he made himself a mug of coffee, hoping the caffeine would wake him up.

The feeling of something brushing against his leg startled him out of his sleepy daze. Looking down, he was met with big blue eyes staring up at him expectantly.