Part 16

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Sixteen

"Maria, you're a very graceful dancer," Captain Foster said as we circled for what felt like the hundredth time this evening. I merely smiled at his evident admiration. It was hard enough to remember the steps of something I'd never danced with others before, let alone with seven men who made mistakes, too.

I crossed the floor again to switch partners and was relieved to find I faced William. The musician fiddling let his last note die away and we bowed. All the men looked flushed and in need of a drink – and I was definitely feeling thirsty, too.

William led me over to a table where one of the stewards was pouring drinks and handed me a partially filled cup. The contents appeared to be a very light coloured tea, but a sniff told me it was as potent as the rum that had tried to make my head explode last night. I tried to hand it back, but William would have none of it. "A girl who can dance a Scottish reel as well as you deserves her dram of good Scottish whisky as much as any man here." The other men we'd danced with, who all held similar cups, laughed. He raised his cup and they followed suit. "To your health on your birthday, Smith!"

Six of them drank. The only man who stood as awkwardly as I did was the first officer – the man whose birthday it was. His eyes met mine and his drink shot into the air. "To the girl who dances like an angel!" All eyes turned to me and a blush crept across my cheeks.

To cover my embarrassment, I took a deep draught of my drink. And choked on what tasted like liquid coal-smoke.

"Are you all right, lass?" William asked, patting me on the back as I coughed. I managed to shake my head as I doubled over, trying to breathe through my seared throat. "Let's get you outside for some air."

He guided me to the main deck, where the strong wind tried to push us back into the passage. There was so much spray in the air that I tasted salt on my lips. I managed to drag in a lungful of air, then another. I counted five before I straightened again. The whole time, William's hand didn't leave my back – a warm, comforting pressure which reminded me that he cared for me. Even if, once again, he had tried to burn my insides with a drink no sane person should consume.

I heard a faint scratching sound, followed by very different music to the reel melodies we'd danced to. This had a loose feel to it, making it more relaxed. I closed my eyes, feeling the new rhythm.

"Better?" William whispered. His breath tickled my cheek as I nodded. "I missed my steps so many times tonight, for I couldn't take my eyes off you. Every time you were on another man's arm, I wanted to tear you away from him so you'd be mine alone. I want to take hold of you and never, ever let go, Maria. What have you done to me? I was lost at sea until I met you. Now I've found you, I'll cling to you like a barnacle to the hull. I won't be satisfied until you're all mine, lass, even if I have to learn whatever crazy colonial language you speak to make you understand. Please tell me I'm not imagining things and you feel the same. That your heart burns for me as much as mine loves you."

"Love," I rasped hoarsely. I knew the word and its meaning, or I thought I did. Love for someone tucked them safely in your heart for as long as they lived, then ripped your heart asunder when you lost them. I coughed and cleared my throat, trying to find my voice again in my whisky-burned insides.

"I'm so sorry, lass. I should get you another drink."

"Water," I whispered. "No whisky."

William laughed and I followed him back to the mess hall, hoping for a cup of soothing water. He made me sit on one of the benches, which had been pushed back along the wall to make room for the dancing, while he fetched me a cup of something from the steward. I sniffed the liquid experimentally but decided it was probably just water, so I downed it in three gulps. William hovered around me, his every muscle betraying an unusual urgency.

"Love," I began again.

William grasped my hands and moved to sit on the bench beside me. "Love," he said eagerly. "Tell me if you think there's any chance you can love me. I know you barely know me and I'm on my way to a job at the ends of the Earth, or so it feels like, but I have the means to take care of you. And I will."

I managed to smile, but he'd only made it harder for me to answer him. I barely knew the words to make myself understood as it was.

"Miss Maria! You have to come and dance to this one!" Charlie appeared in front of me, doubled over and panting. "If you dance the Charleston half as well as that strange Scottish fling thing, every man will envy me. Please dance with me."

William's grip on my hands tightened and his voice came out through gritted teeth. "Maria and I are having a private conversation. Go find someone else to dance with, lad."

"You can't keep her all to yourself, Mr McGregor," Charlie persisted. "She's the only woman here and she's not your wife. Maria has the right to dance with whoever she wants to, without your permission. Maria, will you please dance with me?" He held out his hand to me, his eyebrows pulled so low that they seemed to meet over the bridge of his nose.

"Lad, for the last time, leave us alone or…"

"McGregor. A word, please?" Captain Foster appeared, looking serious.

William looked desperately at me. "Look, captain, I promised I'd take care of Maria tonight. We were –"

"Charlie will take good care of her while you and I have a chat. I'm sure she'd only be bored, listening to talk about the mechanics of the ship. Go on, lad. Maria here is so light on her feet, you'll swear you're dancing with an angel. Don't step on her toes, mind." The captain pried my hands from William's and gestured at the open space where we'd danced earlier. "What girl doesn't love a chance to dance, right, Maria?"

Charlie grabbed my wrist and towed me away from William before I could protest. "He sounds like he's your dad or something. Trying to keep you away from me because I'm not good enough for you. I'm only an apprentice now, but I'll be fully qualified one day, with apprentices of my own. It's not like I'm asking for your hand in marriage. Not yet, anyway. Just a dance. Please, Maria." His eyes mirrored William's desperation.

I glanced around, but both William and Captain Foster had disappeared. I took a deep breath and summoned a smile for the sweet boy. "Yes, dance."

He seemed incredibly nervous as he stopped and faced me. I felt his arm inch across my back as his clammy hand fastened tightly over my fingers. He counted us in and promptly entered some sort of jerky fit, a grotesque parody of the reel I'd danced earlier with William. I glanced around, but no one seemed to find this unusual.

Charlie grinned. "It's the Charleston. You got to shake your arms and legs about, like this." He demonstrated, letting his arms and legs fly everywhere. A painful kick to my knee made me cry out and his flailing movements ceased as he buried me in a waterfall of apologies.

Seeing my way out of this confusing situation, I hobbled back to the bench with Charlie trailing behind me. After several seconds, I indicated that I would like a drink and he dashed to the now unmanned drinks table to procure two cups. He presented these to me with unnecessary ceremony, but I smiled and thanked him, all the same. A surreptitious sniff told me it wasn't water, so I carefully set it on the bench beside me. I'd had enough alcohol for one night, if not the next year.

Charlie tossed his back and I realised from his flushed cheeks that this wasn't his first drink of the evening. I fervently hoped he wouldn't be sick again. Perhaps he saw the pity in my eyes, or maybe he'd simply been summoning the courage to act, but the next moment his lips were crushed against mine and his tongue prodded my lips as if he thought I'd grant it entrance. I turned my head away and felt the damp muscle slide along my cheek to my ear. "What's wrong, Maria?" he said thickly. "Haven't you ever been kissed before? You're my first, too."

I leaned back and turned the full force of my pity on the poor boy. I needed to get these words out right so he'd understand. "I…love William." It came out as barely more than a whisper, but he reacted as if I'd shouted.

Rearing back, he stumbled away from me, hurt. "Maria," he whispered, then bolted out the door to the darkness.

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