Our Little Secret (Kylo Ren x Reader)

A Rough Arrival

When the planet finally came into view, a strange sense of calm washed over you. It wasn't how you planned to feel. Not at all. You expected to be panicked, dreading the very moment you'd have to face them. When you'd have to lie. When you'd betray your friends. Your family. 

And it was still true, you were filled with unbelievable guilt and dread. But as the lush, green world grew larger and larger in view, all you felt was calm, hugging you like a warm blanket. After all, you'd be getting to see them all again. All the people who you loved with all of your heart. Yes, the circumstances were terrible, but you wanted to at least give yourself this one moment of happiness, because you knew it wouldn't last. 

Kylo's tall figure loomed next to you as you stared out the window, your eyes wide with anticipation as the ship hurtled towards your destination. You could feel his gaze on you, the hair on the back of your neck prickling, but you kept your eyes glued on the planet in front of you, welcoming you home. You knew this place. It was one of the hidden resistance bases where Leia usually stayed. You weren't sure how Kylo knew to come here. You turned to him, your brow furrowed. 

"How did you know where this was?" You questioned.

"We tracked one of their ships back here." He said coldly, his face blank. "A long time ago." You frowned, turning back to the window. You wished there was a way for you to tell Leia that the camp was compromised, but you were sure you wouldn't be able to. The stupid necklace around your throat felt like a noose, choking you with guilt and reminding you of how little freedom you actually had. Even now, galaxies away from Starkiller, you were still under their thumb. You pulled at its chain, wincing as you pictured Snoke listening to your every breath. You were silent for a moment before you turned back to Kylo, your eyes scanning his face. 

"Are you nervous?" You asked, watching him carefully. He appeared unaffected, except for a small twitch of his wrist. 

"No." He replied, his fists clenching. 

"Because if you were, we can talk about it." You tried, shifting towards him. He flinched. 

"There's nothing to discuss." He turned away, stalking over to the table and sitting down, his back to you. You sighed, the calm feeling being replaced with the sad reminder of your new dynamic. It was your choice to end things, but it still felt wrong. It hadn't become any less painful, even though it had been about a week. You could tell he was still hurt too, even though he tried to hide it. 

"Hey--" You started, walking toward him.

"Stop." He cut you off, his head whipping around to meet your gaze. As your eyes locked, your head started to buzz, his words reappearing in your mind. If you don't want to be with me, fine. He seethed, but don't expect for me to act like nothing happened. 

Kylo, I--You breathed, shaking your head. I didn't end things because I don't care. You know that. I still lo--

It doesn't matter. He hissed, cutting you off again and turning back around in his chair. You still ended it. You frowned, your shoulders slumping defeatedly. You wished you could make him understand. He didn't say anything else, and the vibrating in your head dissipated as you sighed, walking back to your room and shutting the door. You glanced at the outline of where Kylo had cut it with his saber, now melded back together like a patchwork quilt. You went to the side of your bed, digging through your bag and pulling out new clothes. You yanked the dark brown pants and white long-sleeve shirt over your legs and arms, adjusting them until they were comfortable. You slipped your feet into think, black boots, your mind flashing to the memory of the sound of Kylo's footsteps along Starkiller's hallways. There were always so loud, but you'd always known what that sound meant. The recollection of it still made your heart leap. You shook your head, lacing up the boots and standing back up to fix your tangled mess of hair. You pulled it back in a loose braid over your shoulder, running your fingers through the knots and smoothing out the strands. Your brain flickered to the memory of Kylo digging his hands into your scalp as he kissed you hungrily, his tongue tangled with yours. You sighed, trying desperately to get him out of you head. You were afraid you'd never be able to as you flopped down on the bed, your face pointed towards the ceiling. You laid there, your eyes wide open, waiting to get off this ship. To get away from Kylo. Maybe a little bit of distance would help.