The Novice

What's happening to me ?

Gulf. 

I don't know what was going on in my head, but I needed to relax, get out of the prayer routine a little, something inside me was changing and it scared me, it scared me in such a way that I kept thinking that something was missing inside me , the more I could if everything completed me, I was feeling good here with the brothers, I liked what I did, but I did not understand something inside me I was restless.

I left my cell with greater care, I looked at the clock on my wrist, it was still early around 9 pm, but no other brother could wander through the convent halls at these hours, except to do the night prayers ones in the silence of the chapel before Jesus crucified, but it was not my case, I had already said my prayers.

Walks out on tiptoes I wanted to feel even for a few minutes the feeling of freedom, I wanted to go outside and feel the night breeze.but it was a bad idea, because the night guard would come to me and then I would see my superior.

I thought better if I wanted to feel free, I don't need to be in the habit, so I quickly put on my pajamas and left was the feeling I wanted to feel the freedom without rules.

I closed the cell door and went down the corridor looking to the sides and I didn't see anyone, I passed by the other cells of the brothers, luckily Priest Domingos's cell was on the other side, so it was quiet, and I went on my way.

The chapel wasn't quite the place I wanted to be alone to venture out. I was all the way wondering where I could go for the institute, there weren't many places although our convent was too big and could easily get lost, but it was the only place that I could go and I liked the environment.

I entered without making any noise it was dark only a weak red light that illuminated the place, I sat on one of the second row of benches, I looked at Jesus Crucified and in my mind came Professor Mew's face, because I couldn't stop thinking about him, the his presence made me uncomfortable, but what was wrong with me when I thought of a man. This is not certain i had never felt such feelings even more for another guy, all these thoughts invaded my head was when i was taken by surprise.

I was arranging some flowers and who appears next to me? He Professor Mew, I looked down, I felt my throat dry my hands, sweating and I thought why he is here at this time of night, could my vocation be being tested, so I looked at him trying to be as natural as possible and asked.

_What are you doing awake in our chapel, Mr. Mew suppasit?

He stood still and I had remembered that I was not wearing the right clothes, and that could get me in trouble if the priest knew, so I tried to hide my hair from the body because I felt like a naked person in front of him, I know and I was very foolish to think like that, no one else could see us in normal dress, only in religious habit.

_I'm sorry I just ... wanted to distract myself, get some air ... Did I hurt brother?

_ It's not okay, can't you sleep? Want something? A glass of milk ? A juice? -I asked him and tried to hide my nervousness.

_No brother Gulf I'm fine, thank you very much.

I couldn't look directly at him, I lowered my head, fixing a lock of my hair in my ear, feeling like a fool, I took courage and stared at him for a brief moment and I smiled.

He returned the smile, when he was going to invite us to go to the kitchen for coffee, I heard a sound of footsteps coming down the hall next to the chapel, I didn't think twice I took his hand and pulled him close to me, we almost stumbled and he held by the waist, the touch of his hand on my skin made me shiver.

That feeling was new to me and scared me, I was so close to him that our breaths mixed, and I couldn't take my eyes off his, I noticed that he didn't take his eyes off my lips and then I felt my face flush and I tried get up and he walked away.

And I heard a soft knock on my door and short steps until the

person who was arriving said it.

_ Is anyone there?

When I heard the squeaky voice, I noticed that it was Brother Art and I was angry and asking myself, what did he do awake at these hours, honestly I didn't like Brother Art and he also couldn't stand me, he showed himself to the priest a good brother , generous who was ready to help. 

But he was nothing more than an envious and lying manipulator, the other brothers have already told me that he was jealous of me, because since my arrival at the convent the Priest has taken affection to me so practically for him I was the priest's right arm, more it was not like that, several times brother Art always tried to make fun of me in front of the priest or the brothers, but I never paid any attention to him.

I remembered that at the back of the chapel there was a room where I kept the old books and files from the convent so I pulled Professor Mew close to the wall, made a sign of silence and slowly opened the door and we entered the room.

_ We will wait here, in a few minutes he will leave.-Said facing him.

_OK.

I woke up with a fright Professor Mew with me there had not even noticed that he was lying on his shoulder and immediately got up, our eyes met and I was very embarrassed with him so close to me and that absurdly gave me a pleasant sensation and at the same time it scared me feeling my heart beat faster.

I looked into his eyes and he came towards me and thought. Will he kiss me? This is really happening, but I never kissed, this is wrong I can't, but I don't know what came over me and I closed my eyes and felt his lips touching mine, it felt good, his lips were soft and I felt his tongue entering which surprised me and wanted to get away but he held me slightly so I conceded, I felt a warmth run through my body so I walked away remembering my vows and went out crying without caring if Brother Art was still in the chapel.

_This was a mistake, my God forgive me, it shouldn't have happened.

I saw nothing in front of me and ran to my cell.

Mew.

That morning everything seemed normal as if nothing had happened, which I found very strange I was already in class and I had not seen Brother Gulf since our kiss, he was not in the next room it was another brother and that worried me, Brother Art passed just once in my office and he looked at me with raised eyebrows as if he wanted to charge me something.

By Luciana M.M 

Important note, I want to thank you for the 202 readings, if you hit 250 readings, I will give you a bonus. Thank you.Bye see you in the next chapter.