Trapped with the Animals

rehabilitation

"let's go inmate" the CO instructs as he releases my restraints, replacing them with metal cuffs. they cut up my wrists even more.

"we need to take you to medical before you return up the hill." he says leading me out of the SHU.

i don't know how long i've been in there, but when we walk into medical, i see the sun outside the window. i haven't seen the sun since i got in there.

the doctor begins bandaging up my wrists, along with my knuckles. to sum it up, he wrapped my both my hands.

the CO replaces the metal cuffs with felt ones, to prevent more bleeding.

he leads me outside to the van. a gust of fresh air fills my lungs, releasing the toxic air that filled my cell.

"austin!" i hear an italian girl yell as i get into the van. it's morello. she turns around but her smile falls when she sees my hands.

"how are you holding up?" she asks but i just respond with a shrug. she turns back around and starts the van.

"oh everybody is going to be so happy to see you! we have missed you so much!" she says as she begins driving up the hill. i just stare out the window, trying to adjust to a setting that isn't blood covered cell walls.

the CO opens the van door and leads me out towards the front door. my head is low, but i briefly look up at the window on the second floor. i see nicky looking out at me.

walking through the halls i'm overwhelmed with all the staring. usually it wouldn't bother me too much, but my head isn't fully there yet, so it throws me off. i'm led to my dorm, and the CO removes the felt cuffs.

"don't pick at the bandages, report to medical twice a day to get them changed." he instructs and walks away.

i'm sitting on my bed now, staring at the floor. i'm still unsure what time it is, but i'm assuming it's a meal time, because the dorms are empty.

"holy shit you look terrible, kid." i hear a raspy voice in opening of my bunk. nicky walks over to me and hugs me tight. i hug her back even tighter. this is the first human contact i've had in a while. she releases me, and holds up my arms, examining my wrists. concern fills in her eyes and she looks up at me.

"we didn't know if you were coming back. it's been two weeks." she says quietly.

two weeks. thats crazy. it felt like two years.

alex and piper walk over too, both surprised to see me.

"so you made it, how would you rate your SHU experience?" alex asks me. i'm not in the mood to joke but i humor her.

"i don't know probably .8 out of 10." i answer.

"how cold was your turkey?" nicky asks me, referring to my detox.

"freezing," i start.

"but also burning hot, and consistently sweaty." i answer her. she gives me an 'i'm sorry' look and pulls me in for another hug. i nervously start messing with my bandages, and nicky quickly removes my hand.

"none of that shit, cmon let's go to breakfast." she says and we head to the cafeteria.

i sit down at our table and stare at my tray. i haven't eaten much in the past two weeks, let alone have access to an actual utensil.

"you better eat that or red will be pissed." lorna says. i look down at my tray and take a bite.

red walks over and i'm terrified of what she is going to say. i hope to god she doesn't kick me out of the family.

she stares down at me and a swallow the lump in my throat.

she reaches her arms out to me for a hug.

"christ it's good to see you." she says with a smile and i stand up to hug her. i totally forgot about her birthday. fuck.

i decide that i'm still going to make her something. she's still willing to have me in the family after i broke her number one rule. i owe it to her.

suddenly out of the corner of my eye i see a familiar face. my leg starts to bounce and my breathing becomes staggered.

"hey guys, oh my god austin, you're back!" lucy says as she plops her tray on the table across from me. is this a fucking joke?

"why is she here?" i ask the family.

"she's our friend, too." big boo says, winking at lucy.

"no fucking way," i stand up.

"you two are fucking?!?!" i say looking at boo.

"well austin we actually-" lucy tries to explain herself but i cut her off.

"i'm gone for two weeks and you pick up a stray off the side of the road? you know what what disease she is carrying!" i yell, about to exit the cafeteria.

"austin, lets go before you lose your shit." nicky says standing up with me.

"let's go to the workshop early, i'll get luschek to hook us up." she says as we head for the yard door.

"fuck royale you look like shit." luschek says handing me a cigarette.

"make sure you two are back in 10 minutes for your shift." he says as nicky and i head for makeout alley.

we light our cigarettes and i inhale the first hit deeply. smoking a cig never hit so good in my life.

"are you ever going to tell me what happened between you two?" nicky asks me in between puffs.

"maybe someday, do you have your mp3 player on you?" i ask her changing the subject.

"sure." she says handing me the device and handing me an earbud, keeping the other for herself.

i mess around with the electronic trying to figure out how it works. i search through her songs until i find a few by my dads band.

i turn it on and put my head back against the shed wall, taking another hit of nicotine.