The Space Queen

~ Matthew 20 ~

I wanted things to be easy, and to be difficult. Perhaps that is the simplest answer of why I ended my marriage. The traveling, the hiding, the drugs, the raising a kid that doesn't have the power to decide who or what she is. We tried a lot with her because doing so could prove we did right, and by the time she was 16, she had lived in four different countries: Australia, China, Peru, and Spain. She knew several different languages, and even when her Dad was having an affair, she stopped at nothing to try to make me proud.

At 16, with her parents divorced, the truth of my new relationship was revealed - Christine, the yoga instructor. Nothing was wrong with Christine, everything was right, especially her kindness. The problem was always me. My daughter could not understand why I couldn't stay with her Mom. All of a sudden, I started to subscribe to "sexist" views of women. I think it really hurt her when I called her mother "unstable" - that was when she ran off to D.C. as a college intern. In two years, she was married.

In those two years, I realized my mistake that I wanted to take back. I wanted my daughter, even Heather and David back. I would have to make a drastic decision. So, despite the family's insistence that Thanksgiving that Christine was an angel, I separated from her. She cried, pleaded "Matt! You cannot do this! This is just like what you've done to everyone else!"

My family was furious.

"There's never been anyone who ever loved you like Christine - she's put up with all your idiosyncrasies with loving patience, and you'd be a fool to lose her now." When they realize that I've made up mind, they decide not to speak to me anymore.

The first place I go to is Japan. I bike through the islands. When I thought of Indonesia, I decide to go there. Sally had already left - there was no telling where she had gone.

"Hey, have you heard from your mother?" I'd ask my daughter on the phone.

"Mom and I don't talk anymore."

"She's your mother."

"We have our differences" says Lyra casually.

"You shouldn't ignore her."

"What do you want Dad?" she asks.

"Tell her I try to call her" I say calmly.

Sally did not care, nor did she mind. She, after sending Lyra to college, went far away to a new life in Africa where she started fighting poachers. She was too busy to come to the wedding where I walked my daughter down the aisle. There, in the company of all my relatives and their opinions of how I should be living my life, I run away to Las Vegas.

I gambled over a football game and slot machines. I took a prostitute and regretted it. Drunk margaritas. Called my cousin on the phone.

"Hey John."

"Hey Matt."

"How's Erica?" I ask.

"She is good, the divorce is getting in the finalization phase, and she'll be able determine where and when I see Sophia."

"I'm sorry John."

"There's nothing left for me in Atlanta, you know? Just all her friends, and their judgement. I wish we could go back to the days we used to walk on Cocoa..."

"Me too."

A pause.

"You okay Matt?"

"I'm fine" - a lie.

"Christine is taking it really hard" says John. "We all really liked her, you know. I don't think your head is on straight."

"I'm going to go John" I say, hanging up the phone.