The Lion Tamer

Chapter V

in which Remus wants to live his life but Emil is everywhere

It's not that we don't talk the next day, it's more like we only talk about work. Like, 'Could you pass me that prop?' or 'Wait, don't—I'll help you carry that table.' I do the snack round alone again because Emil's busy drooling all over Richard, and I should be grateful for getting rid of him for a few moments, but somehow, I'm not. I just want company for God's sake.

Thankfully I have training that day so after a rehearsal of painfully awkward packing, I dash through the door like lightning. Or at least I try to, but Emil Basinsky grabs my hand and yanks me back.

'Jesus Christ!' I tear my arm out of his grasp. 'What do you want?'

'Are you sure you can't take them?' He leans in so close I can feel his warm breath on his face, and his aggressively green eyes bore into mine, willing me to say yes. Like hell I will.

'I'm busy.' I try to pass him, but he pulls me back.

'What if I pay you?'

'It may surprise you, but I have my own life that doesn't include you or your sisters, and I'd like to keep it that way.'

Finally, he lets me leave, but he hurries along the corridor with me, sort of leaning, sort of towering over me.

'Is this because I was late yesterday? Or because I didn't tell you where I was?'

'No.' I bite my lip. 'But maybe if you told me why you need my help so badly, I might consider making an effort for you.'

'You don't have to know about everything,' he grumbles, and he stops. He lets me go. Well, it's his loss.

Training is amazing as always, the company, the music, the burn in my muscles is exhilarating. For a while I feel normal again, like pre-Emil Basinsky, chatting with Dianne, the dance instructor, and a few other guys from the crew. Dennis has just had a baby, and he shows around the baby pictures like a trophy. His baby is a little, red-faced, naked thing, but if I look at her long enough, I can lie she's cute, and maybe with time she'll be. Like Zuzanna. Or other girls, I remind myself, because it's okay that Zuzanna's the only little girl I'm friends with, but she's Emil's sister, and I have no business thinking of them and, tangentially, Emil. Fuck, he's driving me mad.

After the break ends, I throw myself into the moves with renewed enthusiasm, jumping and spinning and shaking just to forget about everything else. Dianne says I could learn a split that I might need at the next performance, but god, sometimes I feel like my muscles are made of cement. She still tries to push me down, leaning on my shoulders with her elbow, and I think I can hear something in my thighs tear. That's enough to forget about the rehearsals and Richard and the guy I'm not thinking about, for a while at least.

'You were good, Remus,' Dianne pats my shoulders after the lesson.

'Thanks, I think so too. I managed to survive your split after all.'

She rolls her eyes.

'Just practice it a little, it'll go better, I promise. You could be our secret weapon for the next performance.'

She's always going on about a secret weapon. It might just be her way of making me feel important, but if you ask me, she's watched too many athlete films, where the underdog always wins. I'm no secret weapon: because of my dyscalculia, I always have to put so much more into the classes than everyone else, and sometimes I can't even differentiate between left and right. What use is learning to make a split, when I'm working two extra hours every day, so she doesn't notice I'm actually bad at dancing? Still, I let her have her secret weapon fantasy.