On Thin Ice

The one where truths get told

I deserve it. Lexa thought. She felt that she deserved every ounce of disgust and hatred Clarke would have for her. She had broken her trust by kissing her without consent. She had touched Clarke while she was drunk and it made her collapse with guilt. All of her emotions must have risen to the surface, because Clarke's face fell and her eyes widened.

"Lexa, please breathe and talk a little slower, okay?" Clarke's voice was calm and soothing. Lexa listened to her, heart rate lowering. Clarke sat down next to Lexa on the bed, and the brunette fidgeted.

"Lexa, we need to talk about this. Can you please explain to me what happened? Slowly?" Clarke gave a small smile and Lexa swallowed. She felt hot tears threaten to spill down her cheeks because Clarke was just so good. So truly, deeply, good that Lexa just couldn't bear it.

Her lower lip trembled.

"I'm so sorry." It was whispered so softly that Clarke almost missed it. But it was impossible to. The raw emotion that Lexa gave her in those three simple words stole her breath away. The brunette was shaking, much like her voice, and when she tried to turn away and hide herself, Clarke would not let her. Instead, the blonde reached out and gently took Lexa's hand in hers.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." At this, Lexa's suddenly small-seeming frame shuddered with silent sobs. Clarke felt the ache in her chest more strongly than anything she had ever felt in her life. She didn't know how, but her arms moved of their own accord to wrap around her best friend.

"It's okay, Lexa. It's okay, you're safe." Clarke spoke in the gentlest of tones into Lexa's ear. "I'm here Lexa, right here." She pulled the girl closer to her, until Lexa's back was pressed against Clarke's front. Her arms tightened, and the girl in her lap was stiff before she fell back into her. They stayed like this for a while- Clarke soothing Lexa with her touch and calming her with her voice and Lexa basking in the warmth of love and care. Lexa's tears had ceased to fall and her heartbeat now helped her keep her rhythm. When Clarke pressed a ghost of a kiss into Lexa's hair, she felt her heart jump. Lexa was sure Clarke would notice.

"Lexa,"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

"I will be."

Clarke nudged Lexa's shoulder to get the girl to turn around and face her. Lexa was reluctant, refusing to look Clarke in the eye. After words of encouragement, Lexa finally repositioned so that her body was facing Clarke's. But instead of opening her eyes and looking at the blonde, Lexa buried herself into the crook of her neck. Her lips grazed Clarke's shoulder and she rested her head on Clarke's collarbone. Clarke's eyes were wide and she paused before resting her hands on Lexa's waist. Lexa's arms came up and over Clarke's so that her hands were behind Clarke's head. Clarke was completely engulfed in Lexa now, who was straddling her and hanging on as if she would lose all sense of balance and fall apart if she were to let go. Because that is what Clarke is to Lexa- her gravity. Clarke held Lexa together, and without her, she was weak.

***

The inevitable conversation that followed was incredibly painful and embarrassing, to say the least. How Lexa managed to explain to her best friend and hopeless crush that they made out the other day will never be understood, but she was glad it was over.

After taking Clarke through her alcohol-filled night slowly, the blonde grimaced at the things she had said and done.

"I'm so cringe-worthy, oh my god."

"It, umm, wasn't that bad."

Clarke gave Lexa a look.

"Okay, yes, it was."