Bruise (Chanyeol Angst) by peachykaix

BRUISE [ VII ]

Something about winter made the world all seem so much more serene, the frozen flakes that floated through the air taking their time to reach the ground, slowing time to their will. They covered the grassy plains, covered the concrete pavement, concealing the weeds and cracks that stood out amongst them. The beautiful white hid the imperfections, hid the flaws that laid just below the surface a step away from being seen, and in some ways you were jealous you couldn't be covered by the snow yourself. Your troubles couldn't be hidden from view with a simple change of the weather; they were in the forefront of your mind and beginning to strain at your muscles. You didn't want to deal with it, didn't want to face the reality that things with Chanyeol were making the doubt bubble over in your chest, his quiet pleads for you to not leave him whispering in your ear over and over like a skipping record as you watched the snow fall.

He was broken.

And he was breaking you.

No one had ever made you feel so full of conflicting emotions quite like Chanyeol. Half of you was trapped in the middle of a loud thunderstorm, the other half basking in the sunlight on a perfect day. You were in love with him, in love with every part of him but at the same time so terrified of every inch of his tall frame. You were scared he so easily let his ex-girlfriend girlfriend's voice pull himself from you, like he'd been holding onto a cup of boiling water. You were scared to think about how petrified he looked just seeing the girl that had made him who he was, because you didn't understand what it all meant.

You'd left in the morning to catch your flight home without waking him, partially glad he hadn't stirred awake to drive you himself, but disappointed you didn't get to feel his lips on yours once more before you were separated. He'd texted you just as you boarded your plane, begging you to call him when you landed, trying his best to not piss you off any further than you already had been. You were mad then, the anger of the rejection he embedded in your chest simmering down to pain now in your bones, two weeks enough time to forgive but not forget.

He'd called you every morning and video chatted you at night, walking on eggshells the first few days as he tried to make sure he didn't make things worse. It hurt you to watch sometimes, how nervous he got when you didn't answer his call right away, his eyes darting across your features on screen like a scared child, afraid of being screamed at. Seeing the times his usual veil of confidence fell made your stomach churn, and you wondered if the attitude shifts were spurred on from seeing Jinah rather than being fearful of your anger.

Two weeks had passed by in a blur, questions being written a mile long in your brain about Jinah and what she'd done to the boy you loved, how badly she had hurt him. Christmas didn't feel quite as festive when your thoughts were constantly wrapped up in thoughts about someone hurting Chanyeol. The twinkling lights on your family's tree simply reminding you of the way Jinah' dress had sparkled, the necklace he'd given you feeling like concrete the darker your train of thoughts grew. He wasn't something you could give up on regardless, Chanyeol meant too much to you to simply just let go of him now.

You couldn't picture being without him, couldn't imagine how much harder it would be to get through a day without hearing his voice. You needed his lips on yours, his fingers on your skin, his cologne in your nose. You needed his everything filling your senses to stay sane, needed to see every imperfection to know he wasn't just a dream you'd painted in vibrant colors behind your

eyelids. He had grown inside you like ivy, covering every expanse and artery in your body, wrapped tightly around your esophagus and making it harder to breathe when he wasn't there to hold you.

Perhaps that was why you'd gotten so little done in the few hours you'd been back at your apartment. One load of laundry and unpacking had been all you accomplished before wandering aimlessly around the place wishing you were at Chanyeol's instead. He couldn't come over tonight, insisting he had too much work to do and he wouldn't focus if you were there. You missed him so much, even with your feelings and ego still wounded you wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by him, to feel his soul resting next to yours. You wanted the brown sugar candles making your brain go hazy and longed for his deep voice mumbling beside you in his sleep.