Dear Ana

Helloooo:)

I've been ordered to update by this one bitch (you know who you are ahem cc) sooooo I figured I'd do it. It's 9:11 am on Sunday the 14th. I only lost three pounds last week. I'm still at a weight I don't want to talk about but eventually I will tell you all, I promise. Yesterday I had an all day forensics tournament from 7am to 9pm. It was also weigh day. I had some water before I weighed so I'm not sure if that made me heavier? Last night was really sucky. I got hot and cold flashes, I saw bright lights When there weren't any, I got tunnel vision, had an anxiety attack, and almost passed out a few times. Everyone kept asking if I was okay. If I wasn't fucking okay then I'd tell you, duh. Sometimes people are so dumb. In the morning when mom asks if I want the lights to be turned on, no sweetheart, if I wanted them on I'd ask you. Ugh people are bothering me. Not all people just some of the dumber ones.

So today is a 500 cal or under day and then I'm doing 100 or under each day this week until Saturday which is a binge day, but I doubt I'll want to do it. My goal by next Saturday is to lose 4 pounds.

I haven't cut in a few months. And now I can't if I wanted to, cause my friend made me promise that I wouldn't. It was her birthday present, and I can't lie to her. Sooooo. It's a blessing and a curse.

I'm making slow progress, but hopefully this week of 100 will help me pick up the pace. I want to reach my goal soon. I don't have a time limit because it stresses me out. As you may have guessed, I won't be anywhere near 88 for my birthday. Whoops. I don't actually really care. I'm just focused on my new goal and getting there ASAP. But I know this is a slow process. I'm willing to wait.

My nails are purple again. I'm always cold. My hair has always fallen out but now it's crazy. Apparently, my face looks thinner. I think it does too but I wanted another opinion.

So 500 or under for today... I'll probably eat something light cause I feel really fat rn. Maybe eggs closer to 12 noon. And maybe a veggie burger for dinner? That would be 230 cals. I should eat up to 500 but I just don't feel like it. Plus my stomach has shrunken so much. I did a week of 100 a while ago and it was great. I lost a lot. So hopefully this will be the same!

I'm quickly learning the difference between hungry and bored. I just thought I wanted eggs. But I just wanted the flavor. I'm just bored, so I'll drink some water. No need for unnecessary cals.

So that's the plan for today I'll try to update daily each 100 cal day. It's surprisingly easy to miss every meal. Even though I've only lost three pounds this week and am still UNBELIEVABLY HEAVY, I see big changes. Can't wait for next Saturday.