Dear Ana

Long time no talk:)

Well here I am...

Where to begin? How bout with a happy birthday shoutout to Leo dicaprio? Yay babe you made it past 39 go you!

It's November 11. Jesus where did the time go?

I made a plan a few weeks ago and that was twenty days of healthy eating to lose 20 pounds. Wellllllll as you can imagine that did not happen, and I am not on a healthy diet right now. Unless you consider surviving exclusively on kit kats, snickers, pancakes, and pizza healthy. I gained weight, I can tell. It sucks I guess. But every single guy I ask says he likes curvy girls. Good for me?

I may not be skinny, but damn am I happy. I wish I were super skinny, but let me just be blunt here: starvation hurts! It's a long painful process and until you die, it doesn't end. The second you eat, you gain. I eat non stop now and I'm sure I'm not the healthiest because of my all candy diet, but I sure am the happiest! I have my highs and lows, and my highs are really high and my lows are really low, but at least I can feel again (begins singing feel by sleeping with sirens) as opposed to being freaking numb all the time. You don't appreciate emotion until you don't have it anymore.

So this time has been a roller coaster of tears and laughter and heartbreak and joy. But I'm proud to say, no cutting. Not since my last update. (By the way, I apologize for not updating sooner. I was afraid that I'd see all the Thinspo in my library and be triggered.)

Beau and I are at a really complicated point I guess. Tbh I don't know what the hell is happening lol when did my life turn into chemistry class?

I'm going to start taking voice lessons again, except this time instead of being trained classically, I'm going to learn how to scream so I can start my own death metal hardcore band! It's always been my dream to be in a band, and I'm not the best singer but I don't suck, but I'm a pretty decent screamer. And having my own recording studio in my basement doesn't hurt. Plus I play piano so I can do the keyboard and vocals and my friend brandy is playing drums and hopefully we can bring a bassist and a guitarist in and then a pianist as well. Yeah so I get to start a band AND I'm the front woman!:) damn It would be such a dream come true to go on warped tour someday and make a name for myself. I love that lifestyle. AND I can get whatever tats and piercings and scarifications I want and be crazy with my hair and whatever and not have to worry about not looking professional. mitch lucker is always my inspiration, so I want to become just like him but obviously still be myself. But a girl. Michelle? lol we will have to see....:) but because music has saved my life

Every

Single

Day, I want to help other people with my music. This has always been the lifestyle for me. Gotta love it!

It's 10:41 pm and I am exhausted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought this was gonna be much longer bit I guess not....

HEY HEY HEY ATTENTION PEOPLE

BRING ME THE HORIZON RELEASED DROWN EARLY SO YALL SHOULD GO CHECK IT OUT NOW RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT IS PERFECTION (and also the first song I'm recording even though there isn't screaming which idk how I feel about that... Kinda sorta disappointed? Eh it's amazing still. Holy oli💗👌)

Okay well see you all later? Okay. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee loves