funeral

1.

"Okay... So apparently the money is supposed to be hidden in one of the funeral reeves" Taylor swift informed, reluctantly slipping into her black stiletto pumps again.

"Taylor, tay tay. Do you realise how many reeves there are at this funeral?!!" Ellen exclaimed

"Duh Ellen, there would be many funeral reeves at this funeral because when Kenny rogers dies, you know Imma send a whole lot of flowers. There's no way that imma let dolly parton beat me at that, she already got enough flowers on her head piece" Taylor sassed, snorting her own joke.

"Well great job!" Ellen exclaimed sarcastically, slapping her hands on her thighs in expiration. "You just made our job a whole lot easier!"

"Ooh did I?" Taylor asked excitedly.

"Wha- no!" Ellen exclaimed. Taylor pouted a bit, okay not a bit. She pouted so hard that her fringe made it all the way to the top of her lips.

"Are you mad at me?" She asked softly. Ellen, who had her arms crossed and her face in a light frown walked over to her and pat her on the shoulder.

"No, I could never be mad at you, no matter what you do"

"Oh, in that case, you'd like to know that it was me who told porcia that you replaced her foundation with whipped cream so that you could experiment applying make up to your cats." Taylor confessed.

"You know what I take that back"

****
Donald trump got into the passengers side of their black range rover, grunting a bit, due to the effort of getting into the high car

"Did you bring the weed?" He asked his wife, who sat in the drivers seat of their car.

"Yes Donald, I brought your prescription drugs" Hillary Clinton confirmed, double checking her purse for the see through packet of weed.

"Good" he started. "Bob marly and I agreed that this time was my turn to bring weed for us to smoke together".

" but you brought the last time, remember at George Bush's funeral?"

"No"

"Oh yeah, you were as high as a bird"

"Wernt we all?"

"God just shut the fuck up please?" She begged as she started the engine of her vehicles, pulling out of the driveway, on her way to the funeral.

****

jesus mamma acabo de llamarte para decirte que ibamos a decir adiós a kenny rogers para no decirte que barak y yo estamos recibiendo el desaire! (jesus mamma i just called you to say that were going to to say bye bye to kenny rogers not to tell you that barak and i are getting the divorce) Sofia exclaimed through the phone, pacing up and down the foyer of their home with an empty glass in her hand.

Just then, Mr Obama, ass they call him at the carpet sales place he works at, walked into the room and kissed his wife on the cheek.

"Hey baby were gonna leave soon-"

"Shhhh!" Sofia shushed and walked over to the drink table to refill her glass.

"aii yai yai, nuevamente con los nietos, nuevamente no es su culpa que mis tíos golpearan su virilidad con tanta fuerza que los médicos tuvieron que sacar su saco de esperma esa Navidad, ellos simplemente podrían haber dicho que debería cambiar su camisa porque se veía un poco gay (aii yai yai, again with the grandkids,  again its not his fault that my uncles hit his manhood so hard that the, the doctors had to take out his sperm sack that one Christmas, they just could have said that he should change his shirt because it looked a little gay)"

Obama rolled his eyes. "Is it your mother?" Sofia nodded and continued to squabble over that one feminine polo shirt barak wore that Christmas until Sofia angrily ended the call and grabbed her coat and stormed off, right past him but stopped midway between the door and the patio.

"Barak baby" she called

"Mhm?"

"Does this dress show my boobies a lot?"

"Yes?"

"Perfect now, bamanos! Let's go!"

****

"So like, ohmygod, kloe, Kenny was just gonna ask me to be his wife but like before that sentence, he like, stopped breathing over the phone. How rude" kourtney fumed over the phone.

"Ohmygod like, he could have at least put down the phone first" kloe said over the phone.

"Like, yeah old dead dude, have some decency! All I head over the phone was *a lot of dead breaths sounds* and his plead to call an ambulance, what a dick!" She ranted further on, rolling her eyes"

"Yeah, what a dick!" She agreed.

The car came to a stop and kourtney peered over the passengers seat to see that they have stopped behind the black hearse.

"Okay kloe sweedy, you're boring me with this conversation, byeeeee"

"By-"

Kourtney put her phone back in her handbag and opened her car door, stepping out onto the curb, where many of Kenny's fans and family were gathered. Among the crowd, she could see dolly parton with her handkerchief up to her face.

She coughs up a smile as she looked at the drama queen, wiping nothing but dry air away from her eyes.

"Hey dolly, I hope you glued your wig on tight today, we don't want that falling off now do we?" Dolly parton shot a nasty glare her way to which she just shrugged off with an airy laugh.

"Enjoy the service hun!" She said as she turned on her heel and made her way inside to find a seat before the sermon started.

****

"Okay Bob baby are you ready?" Oprah asked as she walked into the living room, making sure his eye liner was put on perfectly.

"Ya man, I just need a little weed and then I'll be alright" he said, looking in the mirror to make sure his rastafarian shirt is alright.

Oprah hummed in response but looking down at his feet, his face pulled into a scowl.

"Baby no, you're not going to this funeral with sandals" she said disapprovingly.

"But why not maan?" He questioned.

"Because your feet... Well..."

"Just spit it out maan, you're making me high just by listening to your draggy nagging"

"Okay fine your feet looks like birds claws!" SHe shouted, feeling how good it was to get that out of his system.

Bob looked at him through narrowed eyes.

"Not cool maan, not cool"

"Well sorry, the truth hurts-"

"Not cool maan, I don't go around saying that your makeup looks like crusty the clowns. Not cool maan"

Oprah shot him a deadly glare and headed for the car, tripping countless times on the way there over her high heels.

"Marley, open the damn car!"

"Ya maan"

*""*""*"*""*""*

Hello all,
Its me, juvaebee!!!
Welcome to my new  story, FUNERAL
this book is mostly random and really doesn't have a plot yet, I'd like to see how it goes.
This is more of a community book, if y'all have ideas for a cool chapter, DM me and I'll definitely write a chapter about your idea, giving you credit for it as well!!!

Thanks to PandaBoYY21 for the kardashian!
Anyway, can't wait for y'all to share your ideas with me and keep it silly and random!

Byeeeeee!!!