Defiance

3.1

"You okay?" Freya whispered, her hands caressing my hair.

I blinked - suddenly seeing the light above me but my mind was focused on Elysia.

It was a dream. No, it was a fucking nightmare.

But my back still ached - something was wrong.

It was just the nightmare - you can't project it to reality.

There was no way Elysia could meet Heera.

But I didn't know where she was. I never found her - no matter how hard I struggled, I never found her. Who knows if she ended up in Heera's coven?

It wasn't real. It wasn't real. I chanted but the throbbing in my back didn't subside. It wasn't as painful as I felt it in my dream but it was still there. I shook my mind. It was the war; I was losing my goddam mind because of this war.

"Aldric - you okay?" Freya asked again.

"Fine," I muttered angrily and pushed her aside. At the same time, Freya grabbed my arm.

"You were thrashing - your entire body was seemed to be fighting -" Freya said.

"I said I'm fine Freya," I hissed and pulled my arm out from her grip.

"Tell me what happened," Freya tried for the third time.

"Moon Goddess, Freya - fuck off," I spat, frustrated.

She blinked and finally dropped her hand. She looked away.

I could see the hurt in her eyes. This isn't what is expected of Alpha and Luna; Alpha and Luna lead together, they bonded together, they loved each other. At the end result, they made the strongest cubs. I had been declared Alpha for over a year now but Freya had just become my Luna in the past month.

"The pack needs a Luna even if you do not want one," my father had told me. "You have been an Alpha for more than a year and you have been excellent at it but it is time the pack has a Luna. A pack does not receive full attention or strength from other packs unless there a clear Alpha and Luna."

My father was right. The pack needed a Luna; since becoming Alpha, my list of duties had increased exponentially. It was impossible to fight on the battlefield for sixteen hours a day and still be able to handle the organizational procedures of the pack. The Luna could handle that. And Freya was the best choice for the Luna. Besides, this ordeal had already been decided since I was sixteen. But I had made it clear to Freya that we would not have a real relationship even if the rest of the pack thought we did.

I had given her the option to refuse to be my Luna because I couldn't give her what she truly deserved. Better yet, I had told her she could keep the Luna position while still be allowed to be with any wolf she wanted to.

"I cannot do that, Aldric," Freya said, instead. "It would break the sacred bond of Alpha and Luna. We can just be Alpha and Luna for the pack if that's what you want. We don't have to be anything more."

The truth was I loved her and always wished the best for her but I could not love her the way she wanted me to. And right now, telling her to fuck off in the cruellest tone when all she did was care was just further proof that she shouldn't want anything to do with me. Her eyes tore away and I could hear the shift in her voice. This wasn't the first time I lashed out her at her like this. In fact, I lashed out at everyone - sometimes just for breathing.

The hurt in Freya's eyes was so apparent, I couldn't deal with it. I stood up. I could feel the guilt building up but frankly, I didn't fucking care. I moved from the bed and head towards the battlefield but my wolf wouldn't let me move forward.