Who Could Love a Monster

Chapter 8

{True Form}

Chapter 8:

The next morning was a flurry of chaos, with me, trying hard not to freak out on the drive to work. I'd thought a lot about what Envy said, and what I'd say to him. And yet, I still had no idea what to do.. I knew I wanted to tell him how I felt, as there was a very real chance that he felt similarly. But even if he did, would he even know how to process that kind of feeling? Was he even close to ready for that kind of thing? And let's not forget, there was the all too worrying possibility that he'd been faking it, just getting close to me for his own agenda.
Although, as I waved goodbye to the night shifter, and as my eyes met Envy's, I knew almost instantly that I wouldn't have what it took to confess. At first, he was sitting, cross legged, facing straight forward. But as I walked into view, his eyes darted to me, even though his body didn't move an inch. He looked at me with a curious expression, one brow slightly arched as his face locked in a slightly irritated gaze.
"H-hi Envy!" I cursed myself for stuttering as I waved a half cheery, half nervous hello. He didn't move, but muttered a quick, "Hey." I gulped as our eyes locked, and for minutes it seemed as if non of us wanted to move. Finally, I gathered up enough courage and swing myself around, facing away from the bars in a normal guard stance. God I bet nerves were practically radiating from me. I stood stone still for what felt like hours. None of us wanting to take the first step. Finally, I heard Envy groan in annoyance, and heard him shift in his position. "God, (Y/n), I thought you were supposed to be.. I dunno, brave or something?! This is just sad." he said,  and I heard footsteps as he presumably walked closer to me. He confirmed my suspicions a few seconds later, as his hands curled around the bars next to me, his face peeking through. I gulped and turned to look at him, a blank expression on his face. This was the first time that he'd been unreadable to me. I'd always been able to tell what his general attitude was, but in that moment I had no idea. It scared me.. I gulped, and I could tell that my face was -and had been- flushed for a while now. "Well?" He asked, his voice sounding irritated as he raised a brow. I opened my mouth to speak, only to close it again when I realized that I was severely unprepared for this. He rolled his eyes and stared at me again, then a thought hit me. [The bracelet! Maybe if I give it to him, I won't have to say anything!] I hesitantly reached inside my pocket, wrapping my fingers around the cold metal. I paused, however, when I heard him speak. "And here I thought that you were different." his voice shot daggers, and my breath got caught in my throat. "You act like you're not afraid, like you've got aaall your shit figured out. But the truth is.." he leaned closer to me, eyes darkening. "You are scared." he grimaced, and I heard the metal creak under his tight grip. "You're just a puny, insignificant, pathetic worm!" he spat, his voice getting more manic and vicious with each word. His words sparked a side of me I'd never felt before. Anger swept through me, taking me over in almost an instant.  "You're just as useless as the rest of them. So easily taken over my your stupid human emotions! Pathetic." His words stung, and I clenched my teeth hard. "How can you say that! You're just as vulnerable as I am!" I spat back, and his expression darkened, brows furrowing. "Wha-how dare you! I am not!" he growled, and I took my hand out of my pocket, -leaving the bracelet inside- spinning around to face him. "Yes you are!" I yelled, grabbing the bars right under his hands. He opened his mouth to speak, but I uninterrupted before he could. "I know you feel... Something for me! Even if you don't know what it is! You saved me!!" I shouted, anger boiling inside me. [How dare he say those things about me!] I was usually okay with his insults because I knew he didn't really mean it. But this.. This was going to far. He scoffed, grimace widening. "So what?! I was making us even!" he growled, and I laughed. "And was fighting father making his even? Was comforting me about my nightmare making us even? Was crying over what I said to mustang making us even?!" I shouted, feeling a bit bad, but I didn't care. I wanted him to see what I saw, that he was vulnerable and that it wasn't a bad thing. His eyes widened, and he growled, a deep animalistic snarl. "Why don't you come in here, and I'll show you how much I 'care'." he said, voice deep and angry. I scoffed. "Please, you don't want to hurt me. I know you." I said, my eyes looking into his with fierce purpose. Suddenly, his expression became manic, his grin nearly reaching the corners of his face. "Oh? You know me? Really?!" He said, tone full of obvious sarcasm. "No. You don't." he said, expression darkening ever so slightly. I tried to speak up, but he shushed me quickly, "You like me in this body because it makes you feel safe. You KNOW I can't kill you. All my power's gone after all. But! If you saw what I really am, you would. Be. Terrified." he growled, inching so close that our noses were touching. I felt my anger fade slightly as confusion took its place. "What are you talking about?" I asked, and he huffed a breath out of his nostrils, still glaring into my eyes. "I'm a monster." he said, and I quickly retorted, "No, y-" I started, but he cut in, "YES I AM!!" He yelled, taking his hands from the bars and motioning to himself. "I made this body! I created it! I was born a freak! A beast the size of a building! If I had enough power, I'd change and show you how wrong you are!" he laughed manically, but I stayed still, expression still radiating anger, and yet I wanted to scream at him. "After all this, do you really think I give a shit what you look like?! I don't care if you're a god damn potato! I like you for YOU!" I yelled, tightening my grip on the bars. His expression faltered, but only for a second, his crazed expression creeping its way back in. "You really think that? Can you really say you'd like me then?? I bet you just can't imagine it. Here, let me help." he grinned, backing up from the bars a couple of feet. "I can't turn into that form.. But you know what I can do?" he asked, humming questioningly as if it were all a joke. I raised a brow, but kept quiet. "I saw myself as I truly was when that pipsqueak almost killed me, God it must've been weeks go. Hah! I would've turned into the same thing if you hadn't saved me." He reminisced, expression unreadable. Suddenly, he raised his hand, and my eyes widened as I saw what he was holding. [MY GUN?!] My heart began to beat faster as he raised it, first to me, and then to his own head. My breathing hitched,  and I quickly fumbled for my keys, hands shaking as I grabbed a hold of them. I stared at him in shock and terror as he held the weapon firm. "You wanna see?!" He asked, voice perfectly matching his wild eyes. "ENVY NO!!" My eyes widened, and I rushed for the door, but I was too slow. A gunshot rang out through the vast hallway, and I looked in horror as he stood, dead eyed with a bullet lodged deep inside his skull. There were no red sparks of regeneration.. Was this the end? Suddenly, his body began to crumble, flakes of himself floating into the air as dust started to pile on the floor. I blinked as I saw a small, serpent like creature with legs crawled out of his skeleton. My eyes locked with the creatures one bulbous eye, and I felt tears brimming at my eyes as I realized. Its eye color was the same as Envy's, glistening violet. This was Envy.
Without hesitation, I hastily unlocked the door, running in and falling down on my knees in front of him. "See. Not so hot now huh?" he asked, his pitch a mere squeak, and his voice sad. I sniffed and held back a tear, cupping him up in my hands and holding him up to my face. "Y-you're so.. So stupid!" I cried out, blinking the tears from my eyes and letting them fall down my cheeks. I could see his expression falter when he saw my tears, but he didn't say a word. "Envy.. You're so beautiful.. Even now." I said, barely managing to get my words out. His eye widened as tears welled up, and he gasped. "Y-you.. You think I'm... Beautiful?" he whispered, and I nodded, whimpering out a small "Yes."
We sat there in silence for a while, crying until we got our bearings. I sniffled and wiped my eyes with my arm, and he did the same. "Okay, let's go." I said, standing up and putting the now small Envy on my shoulders. "Where are we going?" he asked, looking up at me with wonder. I smiled, almost liking how cute he was in this form, like a little doll. "To get your body back. And while we're at it, you can turn into that 'Beast' you were talking about so I can prove you wrong."