The Secret Life of Love

Romancing Respect

Respect is a concept that very few people seem to understand.

The passive - don't think they deserve it, the aggressive think - they deserve it so much that they demand it. Then there is the assertive approach, which is understanding that the only way to get respect is to give it, to respect yourself and others.

That's it. Period.

When you demand it, you rarely get it. When you have none for others, you receive none for yourself. When you have none for yourself, you rarely receive it from others. It cannot be bought, it cannot be sold, and it cannot be forced. It cannot be manipulated and it cannot be deceived.

That's why it is called "earning" respect. I'm sure you heard someone speaking about it. Respect means many things to many people. 

My favorite definition is "a courteous regard for peoples feelings."

Guess what?

That means your feelings too!

Your feelings are there to tell you something is going on in your life that needs your attention, just like how a fever tells you that your body is not well and needs to be taken care of.

Ignoring your feelings or allowing them to be ignored by others does not address the problem, it just puts off dealing with it until it becomes a bigger problem.

When you do not respect yourself, you broadcast it to others whether you intend to or not. If you do not respect yourself, it is the same as saying "I'm not really important," so do not be surprised when they agree with you and refuse to give you respect.

Many of us go through life functioning as a doormat. When was the last time you respected your doormat? It is there to wipe your feet on, nothing more.

Small things like learning to say no, learning to say "I want," and learning to stand firm when you say "I need" makes a huge difference in the way people treat you. Your wants should never come before another persons needs, but another persons wants should never come before your needs either.

Respecting yourself means taking care of yourself. Your health, physical, emotional, even spiritual is important. When you begin to find healthy ways to respect yourself, others will see that and respond.